Hello I’m a 30M and this is an event that happened 2 and a half years ago and I keep feeling guilty and horrible every time I think about it.
Let’s start from the beginning my brother 21 at the time has not been getting along with our dad because he made promises about help him run the drywall business and didn’t keep them so when things were getting heated I offered to let him live with us and find a new job. He accepted and when he arrived he didn’t hesitate to start looking for work. I was willing to let him live there till he got a job and saved to start renting an apartment. He got a job at a casino as a janitor and made good money. He even chipped in to help us out around the house mostly groceries.
Now later my brother was struggling after awhile to get to work on time or even at all because he had to depend on Ubers and Lyft. At the time the prices were increasing to a monsterus amount. When ride that would cost $30 to $40 increase to $100 to $150. He couldn’t afford to keep doing that but still needed to work. Eventually he lost his job and started to get depressed. He tried to look for other jobs but he had trouble due to him being fired. He eventually just stopped looking. He sat at home to play video games to fight off depression.
Now me and my wife both worked and we had trouble supporting him and our daughter. I was getting irritated at this point, but I wanted to help him.
One day he found a school that would teach him heavy equipment operation in maryland and he said he would find a job there after he was done with school. A month rolls by and he switches his plans and tells me he’s coming back and figure things out. Note it’s been a year and a half since he moved. I then had an epiphany, during the time he was gone in maryland and going to school me and my family weren’t struggling anymore. We were actually able to pay bills or buy groceries. I then had made a decision that I hated.
When I picked him up from the airport I decided to stop by a rest stop so he went to the bathroom and I sat a bench and waited for him to come out. when he did I asked him to sit. And I broke it down. I told him that we couldn’t afford to keep him there anymore and that him living in our home was hurting us, and that his absence made me realize this. I told him that I hated doing this when he just got back but felt that I need to say this face to face. I couldn’t bet on him figuring things out for who knows how long. So I gave him a month to figure out the affairs and leave. He was pissed the whole ride to the house and didn’t speak. When we arrived he called our dad to rant about it. Our dad then called me and asked for my end. I explained and he understood. I gave him a month he left in 3 days.
There is more info on this if you want an update but I am ashamed to have to do this, but am I the asshole.
>he had trouble supporting him and our daughter
INFO:
Why was he supporting YOUR daughter again?
Sorry typo me and my wife struggle to take care of him and her
Yeah that made more senses …
And well it’s NTA. He had his time, everyone had their own bills to pay, he can’t just expect your roof to be his roof forever.
It’s very obviously a typo where OP meant to write ‘we’
Sometimes tough love is needed! This might of helped him grow up! Dont beat yourself up! Your trying to.shrink yourself to accommodate others! He left in 3 days, he clearly didnt need you desperately!
him goin back to your place and slowly getting back to his feet again! It was repeating the past! And it would of been a cycle till he got his shit together!
OP your a good brother and you did help him! Best beleive he got a wake up call that your not just a emergency life line! You have a wife and kids and they need you!
Thank you it does help to here that
NTA
It would have been a bit better had you told him before he came back, maybe that would have motivated him to stay.
NTA, your dad had the same problems and him quitting showed that he hasn’t learned yet.
See this as a favor to him. Because maybe now he will get his shit together. And he found a place in 3 days, so he didn’t really need you. There was another option.
I may have written it wrong but my dad made the false promises not him
NAH I think you the the mature thing and tell him before the resentment could grow too much. And I couldn’t fault him because he left immediately to ease off the pressure, it showed he wasn’t trying to take advantage of you. And I can’t fault him for leaning on others for a bit because situation is DIRE for everyone rn in this economy. Good luck to both of you
My question is…..Is your brother’s room still available? Asking for a friend.
INFO: How was he costing you so much money that it made the difference between solvency and insolvency? Assuming you weren’t renting out his room, the only cost he should have incurred was a slightly elevated grocery bill. It feels like there’s a missing piece to this.
The only thing I think you could’ve done better was to tell him this over the phone while he was still in Maryland. That may have altered his decision and made him either stay in school there or find a job there. I think the need to have the conversation face to face was unnecessary. NTA