Both of my parents have this belief that the only way to succeed in college is too simply get an “A”
So if we don’t succeed in their expectations they’ll typically be disappointed, and compare us to their friends kids saying things like “Oh, how come you couldn’t get an A on this class when my friends kid graduated with all A’s?” And these kind of talks just mentally drains me, because they don’t understand that not everyone can be all academically perfect.
As a result yesterday they asked me how I was doing In my college courses, I told them I was doing good and that I only had “-A’s” and one “C+” in my accounting class which isn’t bad, but when my parents heard this they started to berate me saying that I should try better and that if I studied harder I wouldn’t have gotten such a mediocre grade.
Hearing this I lashed out at them saying things like the grades I have would be deemed good to the people that actually worked at the college such as my advisors, and we went back and forth with this kind of argument. Until I said that they shouldn’t judge my academic performance especially when theirs wasn’t all that great either based on the stories they told me long ago, and if they want to be disappointed in someone who didn’t do well academically then they should first and foremost be disappointed in themselves. Which kind of made us stop talking for the whole days
Looking back on it, I do feel awful calling them out on it, since I know the story for why they couldn’t do well academically and why they couldn’t further their educations which was due to their own personal tragedies forced them to leave their educations behind.
You’re not obligated to tell your parents the truth about your grades if you’re in college, y’know? It’s not high school. No one is gonna report your grades to them. If they’re gonna go after you for one low grade, just don’t tell them about that grade, especially if it’s just for one class that won’t matter long term lol
If the parents are funding some or all of their school, they can make showing report cards or emails a condition of continued support. Take it from there. I would have no more refused access to grade documentation than flown without wings. But that was back in the 1960’s.
If said parents are footing that tuition bill, they might have a right to see the grades… if any part of your life is financed by anyone else, it usually comes with strings. That’s a lesson that you learn while “adulting.”
I brought home a report card from college once that had 3 As and one B. My mother said, “Where did that B come from?” I said, “I bring home a report card like this and all you can think to do is give me shit about a B?” She had the good grace to look embarrassed and never gave me shit about my grades again.
Edit: NTA
The motto in the grad program I’m in is “B’s make degrees” lol. What’s wrong with a B?!?
I’d come home from high school with a 92 on my report card (still an A) and my mom wanted to know why it wasn’t at least a 97. My brother came home with a C and everyone celebrated that he actually passed.
NTA.
Your grades are solid, and constant comparisons and pressure aren’t fair. You snapped because you were hurt and exhausted, which is understandable. You might apologize for how harsh it came out, but your parents also need to respect that you’re doing your best and that perfection isn’t the only version of success.
When they compare you to other people’s kids, compare them to your friends parents. “John’s parents dont freak out over a B/C, they support him no matter what”. NTA
lol, the response from Parents who are upset about a C+ to that is “Sure, they are supporting John right into being a homeless bum.”
I had a stepfather that judged me based on my grades. My brothers could get C’s and D’s and it was ok, I got a B and all HELL broke loose as I needed to study more, crack open those books more. When I graduated a year early from high school, he still couldn’t say he was proud of me. He’s dead now so it doesn’t matter! I know that sounds harsh, but he was an abusive, heartless, narcissistic a$$hat!!! I went on to get two Masters’ Degrees and have a good life! You know you’re working hard and that’s what matters! Don’t let others influence your actions.
NYA. Your grades are well enough, they shouldn’t criticize you for that.
You tell your parents your grades? Why? Whenever mine asked, I would just say “it’s going fine”. In my BSc program, the average in 1st year was low 60’s. There were a few “Sheldon Brown” types mixed in there and even they didn’t crack 90 average. Honestly, if you are getting 99%, you are probably going to a shit program that is too easy.
So my vote is NTA on this blow up, but if you keep discussing it with them, it’s on you and future arguments are your fault for not avoiding.
Edit to add: NTA
Just a heads up – you do not have to reveal your college grades to your parents if you are an adult AND (in the US and Canada) it is illegal for any professor or administrator to give them that information. Higher education institutions in these countries have very serious privacy laws.
That was harsh, but I get it.
My mom did the same – she expected perfect grades, and when I finally read her transcripts in my 30’s, mine had always been better than hers ever were. Why, then, wasn’t I allowed any leniency?!
Same for my dad — he told me, himself, the stories of when he used to drink every night with his work buddies, but since he believes it’s “unladylike” for me to do the same, he told me point blank he would rather pretend he has his imaginary perfect daughter than get to know me.
It sounds like you still live with yours, so, try to make peace but don’t back down, either. If there’s ever a time for a non-apology apology, it’s now. Just say you don’t want to fight them anymore, and maybe add in whatever non-apology action usually in your home. In my house, that was making food, giving presents, or physical affection (I hated that last one, though).