I have a 2-year-old son. We were at a gathering at my boyfriend’s brother’s house (grandparents and me, my boyfriend and our son), celebrating the brothers’ birthday. My son and his cousin, who is almost 4, were playing together. An argument broke out over his cousin’s bike, everyone cried – typical between two small kids I would say. They both wanted to ride the bike at the same time. (and we were inside because the weather was cold)
Afterwards, my son got back on the bike and lightly bumped into a plastic kitchen cabinet (no damage). After this, his cousin’s mother forcefully took the bike from under my son aggressively and yelled things like, “We spent a fortune on this kitchen, you can’t ride a bike here, do whatever you want at your own house”. My son got scared and cried a lot.
The situation escalated, the atmosphere became very tense, a serious argument broke out within the family, and we and the grandparents left because my son was crying so much and they also thought what this woman did was wrong and brother said “if you don’t like it then get out”. What bothered me the most was that an adult behaved so harshly and aggressively towards such a small child. This person has had similar outbursts within the family before but this was the first time she behaved like this towards a small child. i just feel so sad how he was treated.
(In addition: we were actually in their shoes before. their daughter locked herself and my son to a room in our house when they visited us and we needed to break the door. we did not make a problem out of this and simply just said, she is just a kid.)
My question is: Do you think this reaction is excessive? So I am the asshole here?
edit: Riding bikes indoors is generally allowed. I later learned, however, that it is not permitted in the kitchen (by the way it is an open kitchen, directly connected to the livingroom). I had assumed that since he is allowed to ride the bike elsewhere, it would also be acceptable in the kitchen. I also did not have time to intervene after the accident happend, she was directly aggressive.
another edit: english is not my first language! Also this person has had similar outbursts within the family before (unfortunately this has been going on for years now and everyone has just accepted it, I am usually keeping low contact and only see her at family gatherings) but this was the first time she behaved like this towards a small child.
INFO: why did you allow your son to ride a bike indoors? And what was *your* reaction when he ran into the cabinet?
In my opinion ESH
I completely understand, that you left as soon as your son was yelled at and cried horrible. BUT why didn’t you interact when the two boys fought over the bike, it’s his cousins bike the cousin doesn’t want to share his bike? You tell your boy to accept that. Bikes aren’t concipated for use inside houses and even if in this situation the kitchen wasn’t damaged, I understand that the mother of the other boy took the bike away to hinder any damage that could be done. Could she have done it in a better tone and just explained why? Yes. Do I think you all should have prevented that the kids bike in side the house before any bumps happend. Sure!
The reaction is excessive.
No. You were not the ahole for removing yourself and your kid from this person.
NtA
Mixed judgement here. She should absolutely have not treated your child like that and leaving was the right thing to do.
Was this bike meant for being ridden indoors?
NTA. She overreacted. Kids shouldn’t be treated harshly. The kid doesn’t care how much the cabinets cost. No damage was done. She could have gently explained that there should be no riding in the kitchen. Her reaction obviously caused all the tension and your boyfriend’s brother was no help by backing her up. Avoid these people in the future.
It sounds like the woman who over-reacted was simply fed up with the children’s antics and was expecting YOU to be a bit more pro-active about your own child’s actions in her home.
Why anyone would keep a bicycle in a home is beyond me, though. LOL
It’s OK that you left. It’s OK that you wish your child had not been spoken to like that. Everyone will survive this episode of tempers flaring.
If you no longer want to spend time with that person, that’s fine. Your child is at an age where going to other people’s homes can be risky. LOL In the end, no real damage was done and life goes on.
NTA and don’t listen to assholes here trying to justify jelling at a TWO YEAR OLD. A two year old cannot comprehend what they did was wrong if the bike was previously played with and in his proximity ofcourse it makes sense he took it. Why didn’t the mom remove the bike from the kitchen before?! And even so, no, she should not have yelled at your child. She also could have asked you to pick up your child or told you that they would rather not have kids playing in the kitchen. I’d go no contact with dipshits that scream at barely toddlers.
Thank you!!! My plan is to go no contact form now on. This person has had similar outbursts within the family before (unfortunately this has been going on for years now and everyone has just accepted it, I am usually keeping low contact and only see her at family gatherings) but this was the first time she behaved like this towards a small child.
And I cannot stress this enough; there were no damages!!
I agree with most of the other comments.
The bike should have been removed from the picture as soon as the children started arguing over it. Your son is too young to understand compromise and his cousin should not be forced to share. Taking the bike away was the correct option.
When your son got it again, boundaries should have been clearly set by the hosts. The toddler and the guests should not have to mind read.
Yelling at a young child is never appropriate. I guess the real target was you and your partner.
OP can correct me if I’m wrong but I think a lot of people are picturing an outdoor mountain bike type situation. I’m gonna assume it was one of those really small balance bikes if a 2 year old is using it.
I do agree with ESH though. Once the bike became a source of contention the OP shouldn’t have let her kid play on it anymore. The other mother was way out of line though. You don’t scream at a two year old, especially one that’s not your kid.
So essentially, OP should have handled things herself and not let it get to that situation to begin with, but the other mother did something much worse and shoulders more of the fault here.
ESH
Your post doesn’t make it look like you weren’t actively monitoring your kids behaviour and that’s on you.
But yes it does seem like the other woman was a bit harsh towards a 2yr old rather than just saying “oh no not in the kitchen”. For you, I’d honestly say its very obvious that kids shouldn’t be riding bikes in a kitchen because its categorically unsafe to let them do that. Even if they’re allowed to ride them in the rest of the house.
YTA
A 2 yo riding a bike in a kitchen is dangerous (something could have fallen on his head when he bumped into the cabinet). Saying “I didn’t know he was not allowed to ride in the kitchen” is a terrible excuse.
Moreover, you should not have let your kid on the bike once you knew the owner of the bike, the 4yo cousin, was not ok with it.
The SIL’s reaction might have been exaggerated but it does not excuse your behaviour.
Yta, especially when there was already trouble with the bike you should have kept a close eye on your kid. The reaction of your SIL was exaggerated maybe, but probably a pent up outburst. Your kid, their rules, your watch.
“ An argument broke out over his cousin’s bike, everyone cried – typical between two small kids I would say. They both wanted to ride the bike at the same time.”
At this point, you should have made absolutely sure that your son didn’t touch that bike again. You failed to do this, and your failure irritated the lady of the house, and she eventually exploded at your son. Therefore, YTA.