Sorry if there are any sentences that are missing words, this was over 5000 characters when I first wrote it so I had to edit it down. She is my SISTER IN LAW not my sister.
My SIL has three little ones, and her husband (my step brother) had to leave the country for work for a few months. I offered to stay so I could help her out where needed, and she happily accepted. I live across town so not THAT far.
I was there for 3 days when my SIL commented on me going on daily walks. I have taken a daily walk of at least a mile since October 2018. Yes, even with a cold, yes, even in cold weather, yes to all of it. On nice days the walk is usually 4 miles. At my SILs, I started taking a path that was about two miles.
I asked if she wanted me to watch the kids while she got some exercise and she scoffed and said she was too busy, but it must be nice. I was a little puzzled since I was offering to help. But the comments kept coming. She kept trying to poke holes. “But it’s not REALLY a mile every day right?” and “What would you do if you broke your foot? Would you get anxious if you couldn’t take a walk?”
Then one morning I couldn’t find my shoes. My SIL woke up an hour later, I was eating breakfast with the kids, and I asked her. She told me to go check the back door, and when I’d gotten back, she pointed at them by the door and said I must have missed them. I took my walk after telling her that her joke wasn’t funny.
She was annoyed when I got back and told me that she thinks I need to see a therapist over my anxiety/obsession. I told her that I do have a therapist, and she said I clearly need a new one because this one isn’t helping. I asked her point blank why does it bother her so much if I want to take a walk? She said I was supposed to be there to help her with the kids and I’m disappearing for hours at a time. I told her that my walks take about 30 minutes, and I’m doing it while they have down time.
I put my shoes in the guest room with the rest of my things and they were gone the next morning. I just said fuck it and packed my things and left. My SIL called me when I was on my way home and said I was overreacting and being childish and this is why I am single and alone. I told her that I don’t play these stupid games and that I would still pick up the girls and stay until she got home from work but that she’s on her own for everything else. AITA?
edit: Ok I did not expect to be told I’m NTA to this degree. I thought a lot more people would have arguments why I was since it has to do with taking care of kids.
NTA. Sounds like your SIL decided that \*she\* doesn’t like your walks. That’s her problem to deal with, not yours.
NTA. She sounds like she needs a therapist. She might have separation anxiety from her husband (your stepbrother) and treating you as an extension of him. Hiding your shoes to prevent you “from disappearing” when you’re helping her out is extreme entitled behavior.
NTA you were doing her a very generous favor and she essentially stole your property. It is so weird she is obsessed about your walks. She should be able to watch her children for an entire day by herself let alone 30 mins. Like you said, it’s not like youre leaving in the middle of chaos. Daily exercise is actually important for everyone. Maybe she wouldn’t be acting so crazy if she took your offer for a walk. You’re still generous for continuing to even offer her any help.
Let your step brother know your side because I am sure she has contacted him and made sure that you look I dependable.
NTA, does you SIL seriously think walking a couple of miles a day is some sort of issue that needs therapy? Is she unaware of the concept of exercise?
Honestly it sounds more like she is annoyed that you get to do things away from her kids. Also, maybe she shouldn’t steal other people’s property.
NTA
It is most certainly your SIL who needs a therapist. Something about your wellness routine is triggering her in some way. It is weird and unhealthy.
Does she expect you to be her Nanny/maid on duty 24/7…? Nope!
I’ve noticed this a lot in people who live unhealthy lifestyles. Anyone that exercises has an “obsession” and anyone that makes healthy food choices has an “eating disorder.” It’s a way to normalize their choices.
NTA
“My SIL called me when I was on my way home and said I was overreacting and being childish and this is why I am single and alone.”
And then you told her to figure everything out herself because as a child it wouldn’t be safe for you to watch her kids at all. Right? She can pay a baby sitter. It’s her and your step brothers responsibility not yours.
NTA. It’s a bit amusing that she tells you to speak to see a therapist, when daily exercise and fresh air are actually good for mental health. Besides, it’s not like you are away for hours anyway, a short walk is normal and a part of everyday life.
“I don’t play these stupid games” is the perfect response. She’s too old to be acting like this. Shame that you have to be almost like a parent here and show her that actions have consequences. NTA.
You are my hero, you took action that was proportional to the offense. She is the one that needs to see a therapist to understand why she is so intolerant of other people’s routine. She also needs to learn that her ways and opinions do not apply to everyone around her. Just because she is not doing anything to take care of herself, it doesn’t mean that she gets to make decisions for others health.
NTA, don’t go back, let her sleep in the bed she made.
Your SIL is jealous of your self-care, and it’s pathetic.
Now she’s realized she’s taken it too far, she looks like a lunatic, and she has no way to reasonably explain this to your stepbrother, you know, because what she did was nuts. Then she double-downed.
I’m impressed you’re still willing to interact with her at all.
If she acts out-of-line anymore, disappear until stepbrother returns.
Also, I’d contact him now and very calmy let him know what’s up. Be sure to tell him she said: a. you need therapy for daily walks b. you are childish c. leaving because your things get hidden are why you’re “single and alone.”
What’s she going to do? Explain how she lost a reliable live-in and then at least every workday babysitter because she’s a controlling loon?
NTA
Edit: Thanks for the awards!!!!! My very first!!✨💖🥰✨
Oh, I’m sure she’ll be able to explain this to make OP look bad.
“OP was supposed to be here to help me with th3 kids but he was completely unhinged about his walks, I’d be exhausted after doing X,Y and Z all day long and I’d finally turn to OP for help and he’d be gone for hours on his crazy walks instead of helping with the kids and he wouldn’t stop talking about his therapist and how anxious he is, it’s was all so overwhelming OP is really unhinged, I’m soooo worried about them.”