I (20F) was invited to my close friend’s birthday dinner at a restaurant. We’ve been friends for about 6 years, and she knows I went through a rough breakup about 8 months ago. It wasn’t mutual, and it took me a long time to feel normal again.
When I arrived at the restaurant, I saw my ex sitting at the table. I was honestly pretty blindsided in that moment. My friend never mentioned he would be there. Apparently, she’s still friends with him and “didn’t think it would be a big deal” since “it’s been months.” I don’t have an issue with her staying friends with him, I just didn’t expect to see him without any warning.
I stayed for about 20 minutes, tried to be polite, and even ordered a drink, but I felt sick the entire time. I didn’t cause a scene or say anything in front of the group. I eventually told my friend quietly that I was uncomfortable and was going to head out. She looked annoyed and said I was “making it awkward” and that I should “just be mature and stay.”
I left anyway and texted her later wishing her a happy birthday. Now she’s upset with me, saying I ruined the vibe of her dinner and embarrassed her in front of everyone. A few mutual friends think I should’ve just stayed and dealt with it for one night.
I feel bad that I left early, but I also feel like my feelings weren’t considered at all.
AITA?
NTA – she boobytrapped you. She’s the one that ruined the vibe and embarrassed herself.
so… it was a case of you feeling awkward vs her feeling awkward. i’d save myself any day. NTA
NTA – Sounds like you handled it very maturely to me.
NTA A true friend would have asked how you felt about inviting him first instead of blindsiding you. She’s the AH here and so are the people trying to make you feel like you’re the one who ruined the vibe. She only has herself to blame
NTA and she isn’t your friend. Sorry that happened to you
I’m starting to realize this now and thank you!
My friends would never 😬
She is not your friend. A true friend wouldn’t do that to you.
Your peace and feelings are valid. You do not have to force yourself to be uncomfortable for the sake of someone else’s feelings. Boundaries are always healthy and necessary!
NTA you stayed 19 minutes longer than I would have!
NTA. Let her be upset. But I also think you should make it clear to her how it made you feel that, not only she invited him and how uncomfortable that was, but also her behavior after the fact and trying to make you feel bad. I’m sure she wouldn’t like it if you had done that with someone that she dated
Is this so called friend dating the ex or something? I can see her telling people that OP was cool with it only for her to make it clear she wasn’t by leaving.
NTA. A real friend would’ve given you the heads up.
‘Friend’? NTA. Friends don’t do that to friends.