Context: my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for three years. This year we went through testing to find out what was going on and found out I have PCOS. I was prescribed some meds to try and I’m thrilled to announce that I’m pregnant 🥲🥲🥲
Back in July, the bride and I were discussing her Bachelorette and she had mentioned doing a joint bachelor and bachelorette in Cuba. Thanks to a very MIA maid of honour, I stepped up and booked it all and made accommodations to get everyone in that they wanted. Flash forward to now, Cuba is arguably a disaster and I’m not willing to take the risk of something happening while away from home. I did really want to go, as I organized the whole thing for 13 fucking people.
As well, my due date would be a month before her wedding. Literally 30 days. I told her I’m not sure I can live up to a bridesmaid role now, and she’s absolutely livid with me. It’s not like I got pregnant to not be in her wedding. The timing and her choices don’t line up with my timing anymore. I’m not sure what to do here. Am I an asshole?
lol no. shes’ a horrible friend. She should be thrilled for you.
Don’t go and don’t feel bad. She sounds ridiculous.
NTA you protect you and bub. Congrats.
NTA. You should not be expected to put your life on hold for somebody else’s wedding. Congratulations!!
Hell no, take care of yourself and the baby. She will understand if she is a true friend, if she doesn’t understand you and your situation then get the hell away from her. It’s for the better. I know for some people a wedding is a dream thing and all but that doesn’t mean it is the centre of the world for everyone.
Please don’t go and take care of the baby.
P.S. you can still coordinate bookings and other stuff with other bridesmaids and friends, if you want to.
NTA, but she is for this attitude. So you’re pregnant. Big deal. Going to Cuba now is not a good choice anyway. Maybe give her the option of you stepping down and being just a guest. Less stress on you anyway.
I did mention that, to which she got angrier.
Because ? You ruined her vision? She didn’t get her Cuban bachelorette party? No one would step up to take over the MOH duties? Why?
NTA Listen, I’m 6 months along and my in-laws bought an all paid trip with them and my husband to Mexico for Christmas. Well halfway through the trip, my husband and I got food poisoning and I was hospitalized because I was severely dehydrated— we had to miss our flight home. I HATED flying while pregnant and do not recommend leaving the country while pregnant. I have PCOS too so congratulations on that. If your friend doesn’t understand, she’s not a friend. Surround yourself with people who are supportive of your growing family.
NTA.
It’s generally advised not to travel when you are at least 7 months pregnant. I mean people do it, it’s fine, but it’s better in your last trimester to be close to your doctor in case something happens or the baby comes early. I mean it’d probably be cheap to have a baby in Cuba, but probably not what you’re looking for in your birthing journey.
You could talk to your doctor at your next check-in, have them give you some reasons why travel isn’t advised and maybe with your doctor backing you up, your friend will be more accepting.
To be honest, your friend’s reaction is probably rooted in her own issues surrounding an MIA maid-of-honor, and the fact that you have stepped up, but can’t come to the Bachelorette is probably triggering anxiety since you’ve become a stand-in for support. But she needs to manage this, that’s not on you. You’ve got more than enough on your plate at the moment.
I hope your friend will understand and also have a great time, even if you can’t be by her side.
And congrats! We struggled and just when I gave up hope, I got pregnant! It’s a great feeling after struggling, and I’m so thrilled for you. Good luck with your pregnancy!
Edit: Clarity
NTA. I had a pregnant bridesmaid and one who was a few months post party and my only concern was making sure they were comfortable. I would have missed them if they couldn’t make it, but life is life and their health is more important.
NTA. Bride is heartless and thoughtless and you should not even go to the wedding
My oldest friend had to miss my wedding as she gave birth to her first child very shortly before it, and we were getting married in a different country. She didn’t want to bring a newborn on a plane, and while I was sad to have her miss it, I completely understood and supported her decision. Because that’s what friends do. This isn’t even the actual wedding, it’s just the bachelorette party. Bride needs to sort out her priorities.
NTA
NTA. She should be happy for you. Congratulations 😊