So about two months ago a met this really nice guy (25m) when out with some of my old school friends. We were celebrating my birthday and all ended up going back to my house. When we got back to my house, my roommate was still up and joined everyone with having a few drinks. I spent maybe 3-4H of that night speaking with that guy, but didn’t do anything sexual as I prefer to take things really slow.
Now, for the next month or so I would invite this guy over to the house and we would all chill including my roommate and watch movies or play board games. About two weeks ago we were all watching a movie and my roommate had a few drinks. Out of nowhere she started making really inappropriate comment about his body something like "I can think of better things those hands could do" loud enough for both of us to hear. He laughed it off but I could tell he was uncomfortable. I was mortified. She then started getting a bit touchy with him, but he just moved to the other side of me on the couch.
I called her out, and said that I didn’t appreciate her objectifying a guy I am seeing then asked if he wanted to go out tonight and left with him. When I got home the next day, my roommate was furious at me. Apparently, I made the situation a bigger deal then it needed to be and threw her under the bus.
NTA, your roomate was clearly drinking too much and was out of line. I would consider asking her if she had any feelings for the guy you are seeing because that’s pretty wack
Yea, I have tried to bring it up but she rejects that she has any feelings for him. It feels like she does
Do you know her very well?
She may not have feelings for *him* specifically but is still a pick-me who hits on anything with a penis.
NTA. Shrug it off. Of course she’s going to be defensive about her bad behavior and act as if YOU made her look bad. That pretty basic coping for someone who gets drunk and out of line. She got rude and crude and crawled under that bus all on her own.
Not letting her gross a dude who isnt consenting seems pretty bare minimum human reaction. not even to mention the fact that you are actively seeing him
Nta. Your roommate was sexually harassing your guest and you chose a perfectly find solution.
I was just thinking, get him out of the situation so he can feel safe and comfortable. Tell her she is wrong. Then discuss it the next day with the roommate. Ask her firstly to apologies to him. But we didn’t really get very far in the discussion
I think you did exceptionally well, especially considering this situation would catch anyone off guard. You really did the best you could and I’m sure he appreciated it.
If she chooses not to apologize or engage in a meaningful conversation with you, I would be very cautious about what you share with her in the future. If my roommate had hit on the guy I was dating and didn’t apologize or have a conversation about it, and then tried to switch the blame onto me, I would think she’s not trustworthy and probably distance myself (keep everything strictly roommates / not friends).
Tell her not to do this again, and plan more dates for different locations. He might be reluctant to be at your place if she’s there. It’s sexual harassment and the gender of the harasser is irrelevant. How would you feel if you were at his place and his roommate took similar actions?
He may say he’s fine, but that doesn’t make her behavior okay.
NTA. If the genders were reversed noone would suggest you should let your roommate sexually harass your partner to the point they needed to physically move away.
NTA
She’s just embarrassed because she got called out. Actions have consequences.
NTA. I would trust her any further than I could pick up the home you share and walk around with it. For her to double down and gas light you like you are the bad guy… hard pass.
NTA she was inappropriate and touched him without his permission
NTA. She wouldn’t be my roommate for long after such an episode.