I (32m) work as a cook in a restaurant with an open kitchen, so guest can see us and even talk to us while we work. Two days ago while things were slow a guy walks past our station and asked us for a "favor". He tells us his wife would be walking by in a few minutes and he wanted us to catcall her while she walked past. Stuff like whistling and telling us she looks good.
There are three of us on the stations at the time. Me I’m black, a hispanic guy and a white guy. Before I could even process what he was asking me the white guy speaks up and says " Yeah man, we got you." After the customer left, me and the other cook approached the white cook who had agreed and told him we were not comfortable with what he had agreed to and that we were not going to do it. He got mad and said we already agreed but we reminders him no we didn’t he agreed, before he could reply a server came and told us the guys wife was about to walk by. I guess the server who took him to his seat told the other servers what was happening.
A few minutes later his wife walks by and honestly she was gorgeous. She was basically walking like she was on a runway and it was pretty obvious she knew what her husband had asked us to do because she was smiling the whole way to her table, But ony the white cook who had agreed was whistling and cheering. Me and the other just stay quiet and kept working.
Once she sat down, the cook who did it and some of the servers who knew the about the "plan" actually got on our case. They said we were spoilsports and made the whole thing awkward by not joining in. But I just didn’t fell comfortable as a Black man catcalling a white woman in a public place and felt it was totally different situation for me than my white coworker.
Now the vibe in the kitchen is weird because they think we were being too serious. Am I the asshole here for just staying silent.
NTA. The CUSTOMER may have asked you to harass his wife, but SHE didn’t consent to the harassment. You’re not comfortable with harassing someone. NTA.
Even if she asked him to do it, OP still doesn’t have to
NTA
Very easy way to get fired
NTA, consent works both ways. Also a husband can’t consent on behalf of his wife.
NTA. That was a strange request and you are not obligated to honor it. They’ll get over it.
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You’re paid to make their food, not be their entertainment. NTA.
You made the right call. Too much can go wrong. And your dignity is still intact.
NTA
Your coworker was an idiot for agreeing though. It was unprofessional, and aside from the wife potentially being upset, were there other patrons who would have seen and heard him sexually harassing her?
Good way to get fired
Thank you for being decent men.
NTA. absolutely and unequivocally not the asshole.
anyone calling you a “spoilsport” is disgustingly ignorant of the history of racial violence in the USA.
if Emmett Till hadn’t been falsely accused of catcalling a white woman in 1955, he might still be alive today. he would be 85 years old. we are literally within living memory of children being lynched and murdered because of white patriarchy protecting its female property.
i find your coworker’s request to be a direct disrespect to Emmett Till’s name and memory, as well as to the memories of countless others who have suffered needlessly for the white man’s entertainment and ego.
i’m sure he wasn’t seeing it as that deep. because that is his privilege. no one is making him take it serious. that’s literally one of the biggest ways that white privilege functions in america today. white people are literally living in a different world than poc. they get to be individuals. he gets to close his eyes to the reality that you live in. it’s fucked up.
i’m sorry you’re dealing with this at work. 2026 has seen a lot of progress since 1955 but not nearly enough.
Even without the historic context, the white co-worker is an absolute idiot for accomodating the request of the husband.
What if, by sheer chance, someone happened to film this and uploaded 3 employees of a restaurant cat-calling a random woman outside of their workplace? This would likely result in all kinds of troubles, they could even loose their jobs if the video went viral and the restaurant owner decided to mitigate the fallout.
NTA
This is weird AF and sounds like a trap. I wouldn’t do it either.
Like, is this a strip club or some trashy place? Because, I don’t see this happening at a normal restaurant because it makes the place look bad to have their workers cat call women. Sure the wife was in on it but as another customer, I’d be grossed out.
YOU 👏 DO 👏 NOT 👏 HAVE 👏 TO 👏 PARTICIPATE 👏 IN 👏 OTHER 👏 PEOPLE’S 👏 KINK!! 👏
Resounding NTA!!
That whole situation was weird. Always follow your instincts when it can be twisted out of perspective into nefarious.
Wow: thank you for the award 🙂
This is a great answer. Sounds like the husband gets off on his wife being seen as attractive by other men, and he absolutely cannot force anyone to participate in his arousal.