anonymous because obviously, late 2023 i began releasing music, and in march of 2025 i was signed to a label, after signing i noticed that i was talking to the people around me less and less and spending more and more time recording and trying to perfect my music to the point where i was spending 15-16 hours recording. eventually i began to stop talking to people all together if they were slowing down my writing/recording process, in September a few friends came over unannounced in the middle of recording, one friend knew where i kept my spare key and let themselves in (i had asked him to put my packages inside my house while i was away a few months prior) when they walked in they came to the back room where i was and began yelling and trying to hype me up causing me to completely lose it and told them to get the fuck out, that caused a huge fight between me and one of my friends and he threw the case of beer on my guitar pedals and they all stormed out.
then comes this passed christmas i go to my parents house and when i walk in and some of my friends were there (this isn’t unusual as them and their family have been coming to our house for christmas since we were really young) but when i got into the kitchen to greet everyone my mom stops me and tells me it’s not a great idea for me to be here because she’s heard about what happened and that i crossed a line when i chose my music over the people who have always been there.
i feel like i shouldn’t apologize for telling them to get out of my house when they weren’t invited in the first place, but maybe i shouldn’t have let recording interfere with my relationships.
aita? should i apologize?
“Should I pay more attention to my friends and less attention to my career?” isn’t really an AITA question.
Regarding the actual confrontation, I N F O: what do you mean by “began yelling and trying to hype me up?” Because I think you would be NTA if they came in hostile and started an argument, but if they were, like, enjoying what you were doing and trying (misguidedly) to encourage you, then cursing at them and kicking them out feels like an overreaction.
EDIT: I guess it’s NTA either way, because of the friends letting themselves in without permission or warning.
But they used a key to get in without permission. Of course, no one should just leave a spare key out but knowing where someone keeps a key and using it when asked is totally different than just coming into someone’s house uninvited.
Fair point.
You were recording. They should have known better. Your mother is taking a strange position for the mother of a musician.
NTA: Sounds like you’re doing something super important to you and following through on your passion.
I know I’d understand if any of my friends had that opportunity and were chasing it.
It would be different if you were hanging out with new friends and just didn’t want to be friends now that you’ve had success.
YTA- it’s not about choosing your career or something, you flipped out and were rude over what sounds like a kind of minor thing. Then it took you 3+ months for it to even occur to you that maybe you should apologize. You want them to bring your packages in but also not to come in- doesn’t make sense.
Friends came in and were hyping you up, so sounds like they were backing you, supporting you, albeit in not a great way. You then told them to gtfo of your home? I’d say YTA for not apologizing. Without more info, sounds like these friends are like family, so them coming by isn’t out of the ordinary. You could have handled it better, you lash out like that you won’t have many friends left.
I’m not sure if the people around you don’t get this is your job (not just a hobby). Your music is a priority, but it is also healthy to put it down at times (I don’t work 24/7 trying to keep my business going, but sometimes there is a lot of extra work that needs to be done). I question the communication both ways here
You need to make a decision about your life. I get that you’re loving writing and playing your music, things are going well for you, and that’s great. Do you want to have friends and family to do stuff with and hang out with? If you don’t, then keep treating everyone around you like an intrusion and inconvenience, thry’ll get the message and stop talking to you. Oh wait, except when you want them to do favors like put your packages in your house, definitely ask for free favors, and then treat them like poo when they bring drinks over to hang out, since you should have invited him over to give him free drinks.
Right now, it seems like you’re super self focused, and have been for a while. You need to start making some time to hang out with friends and family. You should also really reflect on what happened at the studio that day. Think of it from their perspective too, not just yours. In the past, have you all dropped in on each other? Did they used to listen to you play? If so, you over reacted. Honestly, I’m not sure of a way you can spin this where you didn’t overreact, although they did kind of break in, so…. light YTA
There is something called work life balance and your letting life fall to the wayside. Yes its great your putting so much effort into recording but you need to take some time out to still hang out with your friends and family.
It was absolutely not ok that they just came over uninvited but you could have handled it completely differently. You could have taken time with them, showed them what your doing, let them listen in, asked for quiet while you record xyz bit. But your hyperfixating and letting it consume you. I think you do owe your friends an apology, especially if they are like family. They wouldnt be dropping by like this if they didnt feel like you were ignoring them so much for work.
NTA for focusing on your dreams, but YTA for the way you responded to them trying to reach out. As I assume they have been trying to do for months, and have been met with a wall. He even brought you beer man and trued to hype you up. They care, and your showing them the middle finger for trying to reconnect with you. I dont think it was right for your mom to kick you out, but i do think she brought up a strong point in doing so, in the only way she knew how. Use it as a wake up call, and start scheduling SOME time with your friends. It doesnt have to be all the time but setting aside some is better than none at all.
Its not hard to have them listen in while your recording some times or take some time out to enjoy an evening with them once a week or every other week. It might even give you ideas for your music. The best music always seems to stem from real life experiences. It brings the soul and emotions into it.
This really isn’t about your priorities as a musician. It’s about a specific incident:
Your friends came in to your house uninvited, and were loud while you were recording, therefore ruining that particular recording. That was a super shitty way of trying to get you to hang out with them.
You responded by “completely losing it,” and telling them to get the fuck out. Out of control anger is escalating the situation.
They escalated further, ending with potentially damaging your equipment. (Seems like throwing around a beer case in a recording space is asking to damage something.)
ESH
Do you ever want these people back in your life?
Don’t apologize. They barged into your home uninvited and your mom sucks.