I (22F) have a very strict dad (44M), that has a very strong aversion to women travelling alone. Because of this he’s always kept my passport but one day I decided I had enough and sneakily stole his keys to open up his safe where he has lots of different important documents. I took my passport and closed the safe again as if nobody was there. Fast forward he calls me today to calmly ask me about whether I took my passport, I played dumb and said no-he kept pressing about but since I’ve already lied I decided to dig my grave. He doesn’t believe me and stressed that he needed to know if I took it so he won’t need to worry about other possibilites. I still lied and said no and he told me that what I’ve done with my passport is between me and god (yeah he’s religious) and that all my lies will be exposed. I’m feeling really anxious and guilty about this, but I did lie because he’s emotionally disowned me for less and me travelling with my mom to see my other relatives seems to be a huge trigger. Maybe I should’ve come clean, I don’t know. I keep getting mixed reactions from people. AITA for lying to my dad?
You are 22. Your dad shouldn’t have this much involvement in nor control over your life.
Edit: absolutely fucking NTA
As a dad I kept hold of my kids passports. But once they hit 17 or 18 I gave them over and said you are responsible for them now.
I kept all the old ones that expired, from infancy till they took over. Great souvenirs that I passed on to them.
We keep all of ours in the fire safe, with all the other important documents. My kids are 21-18. All they have to do is ask, and they can have them. But I think we all feel better with them in the safe, until and unless they are being used.
The fact that he’s triggered by her travelling with her mum to see relatives even is worrisome.
Yeah, that screams red flags
You are 22 years old and it sounds like you don’t live under your Father’s roof. You should have your passport and your birth certificate. You are an adult and should be allowed to decide if you travel or not. If you planned a trip he didn’t approve of would he not let you have the passport? If the answer to that is yes, then absolutely do not give it to him. Get a safe deposit box so he can’t find it in your home.
I don’t know about other countries, but in the US it is illegal for one adult to hold another adult’s passport hostage. The passport is actually the property of the issuing government and is to be held and used only by the person to whom it was issued.
I imagine there are restrictive countries where men (fathers, husbands, etc.) are in complete control of women’s documents, the countries where women have no rights and/or are still considered dependents or property. But I am pretty sure that in most countries, refusing to give an adult their own documents is illegal.
NTA. You didn’t steal anything. You reclaimed your own property.
Yes! My daughter got her passport when she was barely 18. I sat her down and explained to her that her passport belongs to the federal government and is for her alone. It shows she is a citizen of the United States. It’s a crime for anyone to take, hide, or keep it from her.
NTA
NTA, withholding someone’s passport is something a trafficker / modern slavery scheme owner would do
You. Are. An. Adult.
Your dad is being emotionally abusive.
haha yeah he was also very physically abusive , thank you so much youre right. i am an adult i need to stop acting like im still a child getting in trouble
I’m sorry to hear that, there’s no excuse. Just to add, if you are religious, I don’t think you worship the same God as he does so his threats of judgement carry no weight.
On the upside, you can now use your passport freely because “when you told me my passport wasnt in your safe I got a new one.”
That said, grab a saftey deposit box (best option) or a fingerprint safe for all your documents to keep them out of his hands.
Use this lie to your benefit and reclaim your independence from your dad that he should have relinquished when you turned 18.
Edit typo
NTA You should also consider stealing your birth certificate in social security card if you don’t have those already too
You didn’t lie. Stealing implies that you took something that doesn’t belong to you. You only reclaimed possession of your personal property. NTA.