So I moved across the country last year to escape my family. Not to get too detailed but it was a very controlling and manipulative situation with my parents. I basically ran away to be honest. I spent three years saving and searching and finally I was able to move. I told my parents that I was moving 6 hours away to my best friend’s house. In reality, I moved to the other side of the country. I’ve been lying to them for nearly a year, changing details in stories and making excuses about why I couldn’t visit. I sort of got backed into a wall the other day and had no choice but to come out with it and tell them where I live. They were pissed, obviously. “You’re killing me.” “Why wouldn’t you tell us?” “Do you know how this makes you look.” It was a horrible night of crying over the phone for me. But now that a few days have passed, I’m angry. Why do they need to know where I live? I’m a grown adult paying my own bills and I made a decision about my own life. I’m proud of what I’ve been able to accomplish all on my own. I’m free, and I deserve my privacy. They don’t need access to me, but they say they deserved to know and be involved. AITA for lying for nearly a year?
ESH. Y’all are all very extra. If you know they are controlling and manipulative, why are you letting this bother you?
You are free, if you want privacy, maintain it and don’t fold for crocodile tears
I mean…lying isn’t great but all they ever needed to know in the first place is that you moved out of town and wouldn’t be able to visit often because you live too far away. People have a right to be upset when they’ve been lied to, but you also have a right to escape from a manipulative and emotionally abusive situation.
Gonna go NAH on this one. OP, you also have a right to block all their numbers and go no contact – with your entire family, if you choose.
NTA. Repeat after me: “I do not owe my toxic family anything.”
What are you asking if youre an AH because you… moved away from family that sucks?
NTA.
Lying is wrong, but so is trying to control your adult child. You lied to protect yourself from their overbearing manipulations.
The mistake you made wasn’t lying, but in telling them where you live. Or, really, in not cutting off all contact completely when you moved.
Get this part straight: **You owe them nothing.** They “deserve” nothing. It is the parents’ legal responsibility to feed, clothe, house, and educate you until age 18.
NTA
I consider your lying as sort of self-preservation. However, I’d like to know why it became a requirement of you to reveal to them where you lived.
I didn’t want my ex to know where I’d relocated to, so I gave him my address from a UPS box. My lawyer refused to tell him my street address and said the UPS box address was sufficient. He knew what city I lived in, but he couldn’t land on my front doorstep.
NTA. Its does suck to have to lie to feel safe. Controlling and manipulating people will pull all the tricks out of the bag when they don’t get their way, including guilt tripping, playing the ‘poor me’ victim and ‘how dare you’ game. Did they find out where you live and are you safe? Protect your peace and continue living the life you want to live. Perhaps revisit how much contact you want to have with them.
The only thing you did wrong was continue the contact. Block and live your life.
NTA your life
NTA someone who you know will use information about you to cross boundaries does not deserve the truth. The same way you don’t tell a first date where you live so you’re safe in your home from harassment if they turn out to be unhinged.
NTA. You don’t even have to speak to them
You should have just gone no contact. NTA.
Esh. Why would you move so far away and continue to stay in contact to the point you’re telling them stories that have to have details changed and make excuses as to why you can’t come? You don’t have to stay in contact nor do you have to tell them your new address (though it’s likely a matter of just googling your name and state).
NTA. I was in your situation. Although I broke free a slightly different way, truth is if your family is controlling and emotionally abusive to you, you truly do have to “break” free. It isn’t pretty and it isn’t painless, it certainly makes the damaged family relationships plainly visible, but it is necessary.
I will only say, I’m glad you were finally honest. The lie was a terrible burden to you, now you are free of it. You don’t have to live in fear of them learning your secrets anymore-that you were planning and saving to leave, that you moved much farther than you admitted, your real location.
You are free of them and free of the lies! Breathe, close your eyes and turn your face to the sky and feel the sun’s warmth on your face, and feel the weight of those secrets and lies lift off your shoulders and spirit. You are free and safe.