Hi reddit. I (19-21F) am part of a close friend group of girls around the same age. Right now they’re furious with me and Idk if I am actually the asshole.
For years, my friends have been pushy about my dating life. I’ve always been clear that i’m not interested in dating and that I don’t like the guys they try to set me up with. They never took this seriously, they’d just say ‘you’ll change your mind’ or ‘we know what’s best for you’.
The breaking point was when the tricked my ex (who i am not on good terms with) into coming on what was basically a surprise date with me. I was blindsided and humiliated. I told them they’d crossed a line and asked them to stop interfering with my dating life but they brushed it off and said i was overreacting.
About two years ago, after feeling completely ignored, I made a bad decision. I had gone on holiday and when i came back, I told them I’d met a guy and started dating him long distance. He wasn’t real. I made a fake account and pretended to be him. My goal wasn’t to manipulate for fun, but to get them to finally back off.
At first, it worked. The pressure eased. But over time, they still made comments, tried to “keep options open,” Things got worse when another friend (not in this group) found the fake account and tried to talk with the “guy.” I panicked and blocked her on that account, saying he wasn’t comfortable with it.
Recently, my main friend group became more suspicious and pushy. One night, one of them grabbed my phone, went through it, and found the fake account and years of messages. Everything exploded. They yelled at me, calling it ‘psychotic’ ‘manipulative’ and “creepy.” They said I embarrassed them, that I lied for years, and that they don’t know if they can trust me anymore. One even said I “needed therapy.”
I understand why they’re upset, and I know lying for that long was wrong. But i also feel I was pushed into this because they didn’t respect my boundaries when i was honest. I didn’t want to hurt them, I just wanted control over my own dating life.
So reddit, AITA and what do I even do next?
NTA find new friends who respect you and your boundaries
Both sides are AH. One, find new finds who respect your choices. Two, never jeopardize your integrity for other’s comfort.
ESH, your friends mostly, though.
Your friends absolutely should have respected you when you told them to back off in regard to your dating life. I honestly don’t think they’re very good friends if they can’t respect when you say no.
But when we lie, people get hurt. So I also understand why they’re angry and upset at you.
The fact you had messages between you and your fake account is wild, and I say that as someone who has made a fake account of someone so people would think I was cooler by association. Putting that much effort into something that isn’t ready, I know I absolutely needed therapy.
ESH. You shouldn’t have lied. They should have respected your boundaries. So, either you need to be more firm in the boundaries you set or you need to get new friends. For example, if I were ambushed on a surprise date with an ex I’m not fond of, I would probably just get up and leave. Rode with someone else? I guess I’m calling an Uber. They bring up setting me up, I tell them I’m going to stand the guy up…and then I do. Real friends would still love me and enjoy my company.
To go from here, you can come clean with exactly how upset you’ve been that they keep trying to set you up with guys you have no interest in and explain that your fake BF was generated as a way to get them off your back and hope that they listen, recognize their own wrong doing as well, and then you can all move forward together with a new version of your friendship.
They may be on to something about the therapy comment, though – your friendship with them is not healthy and you should get with a professional that can help you take care of yourself by either being firm in your boundaries or ditching unhealthy friendships.
YTA for not dropping these “friends” a long time ago, and finding real friends.
Please, please, please say his name was George Glass.
George….George Glass…
George Tropicana actually. Common mistake tho, they both go to the same school, just not MY school!
Nta. Yeah lying is wrong but omg. You’re so young still wtf are they pushing so hard for you yo date someone anyways. Its honestly kinda weird how into your loveoife they are.
They are not your friends. Friends respect you.
ESH- your friends suck because they’re pushy and rude and you suck because lying just sucks.
My unsolicited advice- Get new friends, don’t lie to them. If you ever feel like you have to lie to get out of (or get into) a situation, don’t and move on to better situations.
ESH. Time to let them go. Find other friends.
NTA though I also lean to ESH because making all that up and lying to them for a long time is weird. That said, these people are not your friends. They have no respect for your boundaries or your privacy. It’s totally fine to not be interested in dating, especially if you’re focused on school, and a real friend would accept that and back off.