My sister has apparently invited my household, me, my mother, and my stepdad, to her dog’s 1st birthday party. My sister has come up with reasons to not talk to me because of her past mentions of my past traumas at a dinner almost a year ago. A friend of mine from Washington is coming to my state coincidentally, this Wednesday, the day of her dog’s birthday party. This friend is friends with me and a bunch of my friends, and they made plans on Saturday to host a meal so he could meet all of us in person officially on Wednesday. We all met him online, but he has saved enough money to fly over to our state. I just got word about this dog birthday last night, so while both are super late notice, I’d rather see someone with all my friends who treat me better than my older sister. My friends listen to me and offer advice when I ask for it, not when it’s not needed, much like my sister did to me at the dinner I mentioned previously. My mom is expecting me to go to this dog birthday, despite knowing my sister and I aren’t really talking. It lowkey annoys me that my sister can just snap her fingers and expects people to drop everything for her. My mother owns her own business and makes things for her job, Wednesday is her first day to start making her things for her business for the weekend and she is choosing to not make anything despite literally telling me she hopes she made enough last weekend to pay for the electric bill. AITA for not wanting to go to this dog birthday? I find it unfair my sister can just expect people to not have plans or to just cancel them, but I also just would rather spend time with friends who treat me more like family than she ever has.
NTA
You do what makes you comfortable, not what is easiest for your sister or your Mom. Despite what some people try to say, family is not everything. Blood relation is not everything. You go see your friends and have a good time. I’m sure the dog will get over it.
No one, I repeat No One has a birthday party for their dog. NTA. Meet your friend.
no you’re not the asshole. if it was her birthday it would be a different discussion, but it’s her dogs birthday and you choosing to see a friend/friends who, quite frankly, you get along with better. whether she gets over you not showing up for her dogs birthday is on her, but you’re not the asshole.
It’s a fucking dog! NTA, go see your friend
Geez, you got stuck in a bad loop there. Your whole past with your sister has nothing to do with this situation. Getting all this emotion from other interactions involved, is muddying your mind to what is actually happening.
Your sister invited you to an event that is important to her but not to you.
Your friend is coming, an event that is important to you but not to her.
The easy solution is to send your sister a nice card with a thank you for the invitation, a chewtoy for the mutt and the polite question if you can drop by another time to celebrate in light of the scheduling conflict. Then you simply stop thinking. You do not look for possible motivations behind the invitation. Nor do you think back upon that one time that your sister was not so nice to you. Unless your traumas are specifically related to dog birthdays, you leave those well out of it as well. There is also no reason for you to judge the timing of your sister’s invitation or to be upset about what it would imply to your mother who is perfectly capable of making her own choices.
Here’s some advice, get off the phone and take a walk until you do not hear your inner voice anymore, then sleep on it and then react.
NTA. You were NTA at the title. Anyone who has a birthday for a dog and expects others to attend is an idiot.
So your sister isn’t talking to you because she brought up your trauma in the past?
Tell her to find her own (t/d)rama
NTA
Oh for fuck’s sake — A DOG’S birthday party? NTA
NTA-go cost with your friend!
A dog birthday, especially with supposed compulsory attendance, is just silly. Meet the friends. NTA.
NTA…An invitation is not a summons. Do whatever you want.
Enjoy your time with your friends. Nta
Why on earth would you go to any sort of party at the home of someone who isn’t nice to them, virtually no matter what the relation? And a dog birthday, which you won’t enjoy, as opposed to a meet-up with friends who treat you better than your sister does and where you will enjoy yourself? Come on.
Go be with your friends. Tell your sister you have a prior engagement. Mature adults understand that prior engagements exist and are only broken for serious reasons such as illness or racing to someone’s deathbed. Not to celebrate Fido overlooking the fact that Fido’s owner isn’t nice to you. (And I say this as a dog lover.)
NTA
I think you are allowed to have a schedule and that it’s okay not to go to events when you have other commitments, even when people want you not to have them.