Hi, I’m an autistic 23 yr old female working as a host in a diner and this season with the holidays coming up, we have been freakishly busy. Busier than I’ve seen. And ever since I started the diner in August, we had 6 hosts in the time frame up until December 1st.
Now, we only have 2 (including me) that are basically “originals” since I’ve been here.
We got this new girl, I’m gonna call her GG. So now it’s 3 hosts. GG just started and as I got to know her, she told me a bit about her self and one of them is that she used to be a host. She expressed that she knows a bit about what she’s doing, so I note that but I still do help her when she needs it.
Sunday is a very busy day for us through the whole week, so all 3 of us hosts were busy with our own tasks. GG and I are seating and cashing out, T is helping with running food and helping us when we really need it.
Throughout the whole day, I’m multitasking with helping customers and directing her but the whole time she’s being snippy at me and mostly using the same sentence, “Okay, whatever”.
I cannot tell the difference of most tones but I was 120% certain she was indeed frustrated. And I can understand it. She’s new, she’s stressed. I’m trying to be patient but with every little thing she asks of me, she gets mad when I tell her “Give me a moment, I’m helping a customer.” Or “Give me two seconds, I’m cleaning the table for these people.”
She gets upset right away, not giving me that second to do the task I was finishing up, and goes straight to “Never mind, I’ll figure it out.”
I still go over to check up on her, make sure nothing wasn’t too serious. And usually it isn’t.
Around the end of my shift and it’s the end of the lunch rush, GG and my manger (Kitty) walk over to me and we have a conversation.
According to GG, I’m rude and unhelpful with everything. I’m shocked since I’ve done my best to help her and the restaurant, explaining my side what I’ve been doing. And these are my words exactly. “I’ve been seating, greeting and cashing people out. I have done my best to help buss tables with GG and our other coworker when I had the chance but we got heavily busy and I had to help the customers that were new coming in.”
Kitty understood my side and she told me the plan for how to fix our situation. Which was really just GG coming to me with an issue and if I wasn’t available that GG goes to Kitty.
After the conversation, I was overwhelmed. I’m okay with confrontation but this was the second day GG had complained about me “not being helpful” when I would try my heavily hardest to make sure she was getting the help she deserves.
I’ve been told so many times that I’m not in trouble, and that the emotions were just bombarding the both of us, but for some reason I still feel like the AH… Am I?
Why would a panic attack make you TA? It sounds like you’re NTA overall and just doing your job but I’m not sure what the panic attack has to do with it.
I’m sorry it happened, though. That all sounds stressful.
As far as the overall situation goes, my guess is GG feels like she shouldn’t have to listen to you because she has experience. Is she your age or older? If she thinks a younger person is bossing her around that could be another factor.
She’s 19, I’m 23.
I take the age thing back, then. But it does sound like she has an issue taking direction from you.
I have a hard time telling when my voice is the right tone, I’ve had the issue for as long as I can remember.. But even then, with manager in the room, I made it clear about the issue to her. I even asked her to just tell me straight up if I sounded rude so I could fix it before I screw anything else up. I don’t even know if it is my voice being the problem anymore since the shift on Sunday, I was thinking of ways to answer certain questions or things she would say so it wouldn’t be an issue again…
I’m just hoping my manager and I can figure something out and how to approach it..
Yeah, I mean, we didn’t hear you so we can’t tell you definitively whether your tone was off–but it sounds like you’re handling the whole thing well. I suspect there would’ve been an issue no matter what you’ve said. Specifically, if she can’t wait a second for you to finish your task before asking her question, that’s on her, even if you were overbearing or rude in other ways.
The tone of voice thing can be an autism symptom, understanding and controlling it. I have Autism as well, I get you. Did you explain your ASD to GG? If you did and she still complained then she likely doesnt want to cooperate with you and make reasonable adjustnebts for your condition. Liking using direct and specific communication instead of off-hand comments like “Whatever”.
NTA
Nope. GG needs to step up and be a bit patient. She’s wrong.
NTA. You’re doing the best that you can in a stressful situation. As long as your manager sees that, you will be fine. You can’t just stop and deal with GG’s problems; she should know that if she has worked in restaurants before. GG sounds like a person who is self-centered and isn’t thinking about the situation – when people are swamped, they’re serious and focused. That’s not being rude.