My best friend (30-something F) doesn’t like my boyfriend (31M). That’s because when he moved into my apartment, he and I (28F) had some discussions that I believe are pretty normal for when people start to live together and adapt to each other’s flaws and limits. I used to share everything with my best friend – which I know now was probably a huge mistake – and even though she doesn’t feel the things I feel or live the things I lived, she disapproves it.
A couple months after those discussions my boyfriend and I got over that phase, through dialogue and affection. We very rarely fight, and now we have healthy discussions about things we’d been fighting about a year ago.
So some months from now on I’ve been doing my best to repair my boyfriend’s reputation with my best friend. Yet she has all times been resistant, criticized silly things that I love about him and refused to try to understand or forgive.
One night, my boyfriend and I went to a local music event we thought she’d enjoy and invited her to join us. Then, they were talking a lot and she decided to show him something on her phone. While looking at her screen, a message appeared from her boyfriend with the following saying: "are you going out with only the two of them? Ugh". He got very upset about it and questioned her. She tried to say it was only about something else on her life, said she has a lot of problems and he doesn’t know her enough to know what the message was about.
My boyfriend got pissed about it and joked about her problems ironically, she got even more furious and left. Later, she sent me some messages trying to explain it but the more she said, more clear it was that her boyfriend was talking about us. I took it as an insult and didn’t forgive her, even though my boyfriend didn’t react in a diplomatic way back then.
Some days later she made a social media post complaining I’m prioritizing a man in my life and saying he was the asshole with her in this difficult moment of her life. I also found out she gossipped about it with a friend of mine, telling a very different story in which "he took her phone to read her personal messages" (who are you trying to fool? I was there and I saw it happen!!!!). Now we don’t talk as much as before, she sometimes sends messages and I answer politely but I feel like she’s been trying to manipulate me to believe my own judgement isn’t valid as if I’m blinded by love or something. She also posted on social media resenting ME for not apologizing on behalf of my boyfriend, and I ask… Am I the asshole?
NTA,I genuinely hope you air her out for this weird behavior she’s exhibiting. It’s not your job to be delicate for her, has she been any delicate with you? Airing you out on social media and making you feel bad for hanging with your bf. It’s not your job to regulate a grown woman’s feelings, and just because you’re getting fed up with feeling like you have to doesn’t make you an asshole.
If I were you I’d drop her immediately this behavior is weird, and obsessive. And who’s to say she won’t try and ruin your relationship further down the road? She seems manipulative and obsessive enough to do so.
ESH.
First, the over-sharing among girls/women when it comes to relationships is not smart. My best friends and I never shared too much. That’s how you keep good friends.
Secondly, your boyfriend shouldn’t have been reading texts over her shoulder and, if he did, he had no business commenting, whether he interpreted it correctly or not. I actually thought going out with just my friend and her boyfriends (she had several over the years until she got married) was boring, even though I liked the guys she dated. It felt awkward. That could be what her boyfriend meant.
You all sound really immature. Sometimes the best reply is no reply. Congratulations on losing a friend over a guy.
NTA in the slightest. You can’t share everything about your relationship with your best friend, because this isn’t a movie – everyone has their own mind and their own experiences. I used to be the same way until I realised that people live life through their own lenses and view EVERYTHING through their own experiences and mindset. You’re looking at your relationship with a positive lens, but she isn’t; she’s linking your moments to the negative ones in her life. For the love of god, stop sharing everything with your friends and keep things to yourself. Unless you’re both mentally on the same page, never share too much.