I 25F i’m getting married in two weeks. My fiancee 25M have been together for 4 ways and engaged for 1. My MIL has recently started being weird about the wedding as has been really difficult to deal with. My parents are paying for the wedding (except for the alcohol, after they announced my in-laws they were going to pay, they de need to contribute with the alcohol) and are giving us 50% of the value of an apartment for us to buy and get a mortgage on the rest. We feel really grateful and lucky to have my parents support. On the other hand, before my parents decided to give us that, they reached out to my fiancé’s parents to ask them if they were planned to help us with the wedding or with our new home and my MIL said no. After that she started to be very difficult. I invited her to the dress shopping and she made rude comments about my arms and how the skin in my back looked like a butt while I was trying my chosen wedding dress (I lost a lot of weight and I have loose skin that I only can have removed with surgery). She then started to reach out to our vendors to ask them things about the wedding, blackmail my boyfriend to not pay for the alcohol if he did not do something that she wanted. We wanted to keep the peace so I tried to include her to join us for my getting ready the day of my wedding and she refused saying that she wants to be with her friends and to have her own make up artist and does not want to have her makeup done my mine, she wants to have her friends around so get ready with her (like to have her own bridesmaids??? ).
For the mother and son dance she wants to dance two songs, when we mentioned the dance should last 2:30 minutes she wanted the DJ to make a mix of two songs, my boyfriend doesn’t really want to but he doesn’t want to fight her. Last week she called me a told that because she sweats a lot, she bought to dresses and will use one for the ceremony and one for the reception so she has two different looks. She casually bought the second dress in the same boutique my mom bought her dress after she saw it. Yesterday my wedding planners told me she was reaching out to our venue to request information regarding the hotel reservations, she wanted an early check in but didn’t wanted to pay and was asking if it could be added to the contract that my parents are paying, my wedding planner told her no and that she cannot reach out to the vendors and that they can only do changes like that with the ones that signed the contract (me).
I’ve had enough of her behavior and I requested my wedding planner to not let my MIL near me in my wedding day, she told me she could manage and that I will only see her at the family photos. I wanted to inform to my fiancee made decision and he supports me but it’s afraid this will mean another fight with her mom and that could damage their relationship. So AITA for not wanted my MIL near me at my wedding?
For info, his older brother is golden child and inlaws are paying for his wedding.
Beyond the mother—that doesn’t matter. What matters is how your husband to be deals with this. It’s very important that you marry a person who will stand up to his mother and put you first 100% — if he is afraid to fight with her now, you can expect trouble for the rest of your life with him. If he is willing to stand up to her now, that is good. You should not have to deal with this. It’s his mother—he should be dealing with her and setting boundaries for you. If not then you are in for a very painful and drama-filled marriage.
Sounds like this wedding is going to be a total shitshow with the conditions the MIL has demanded.
I don’t see why OP is going thru with it after seeing how her fiance is cowtowing to his mom’s demands.
This MIL sounds like a controlling nightmare. Absolutely NTA. You’ll need to start putting your foot down with boundaries ASAP.
She’ll fight you all the way, because these types of people will not stop until they’ve got what they want, and even then they’ll whinge about it the whole time, and you’ll never hear the end of it.
Just know that there will be conflict regardless if you keep the peace or not. It might as well be conflict you’ve chosen, based on things you believe in (it’s easier to fight someone if they’re pissing you off as opposed to fighting them on something you agreed on).
Despite that, I hope you have a wonderful wedding and everything goes as smooth as it can!
She should not reach out to your vendors if she is not planning, coordinating, or paying.
That was a nice gesture to invite her to get ready with you. I am a boy mom and want to be with my son and our family as he gets ready so I completely understand why she did not accept your offer.
That is amazing that your parents are able to do so much for you but that is not common. Many people have to pay for their own wedding and down payment for a house. Maybe she is a little jealous she cannot help in the same way your parents are.
Her attitude sucks but is this really how you want to start your married life? Sitting down and being open and honest about your and your partners feelings may help the situation out a lot. Ignoring someone does not usually make a situation better, it is a bandaid. I would imagine it would really piss her off and turn a beautiful day into a family rivalry.
Good luck!
“For info, his older brother is golden child and inlaws are paying for his wedding.” Find another way to pay for the alcohol and after she insulted your back at dress shopping you should have started Grey Rocking her then. Good Luck!
How did you find such a mamma’s boy? Please don’t have kids.
So your fiancé’s brother is the golden child/ favourite but he’s still the mamas boy? Damn why is he punishing himself like this 🤣
I hope he’s worth marrying into the family for, cant imagine having a Monster Inlaw for the rest of my life.
NTA good luck op.
Set boundaries now or be prepared for her to decorate, cook/clean, and demand baby be named after her.
Don’t have kids. Her crazy 🤪 will escalate exponentially….
Will you have security at your wedding? If so, I feel like you’ll need to let them know to escort MIL out if she changes into a white dress. Because that’s totally happening.
The MIL won’t be escorted out because the husband won’t want to upset her. OP you’re signing up for a lifetime of this. I would honestly not waste your parents money until your fiance gets a backbone and deals with his mother.
Make sure that your parents gift equity is in your name. And that your husband only gets half of what you both pay down of the mortgage. Bad mother in laws often break a marriage and you don’t want to regret your current financial decisions 5 years in the future
***”Bad mother in laws often break a marriage”***
\—No. It is their spineless mommy boys doing that.
Start saving money for a divorce, OP, because your husband doesn’t have and won’t have your back. He’s more concerned that she not be upset than he is that you (HIS WIFE-TO-BE!) are being mistreated by her. If you have the spine to do it, you should shut the wedding down right now, because your mama’s-boy fiancé isn’t going to make mommy cry.
I’m sorry, OP. I’ve personally seen this scenario happen at least seven times. Only one of the couples is still married, and that’s because his mother was killed by a drunk driver 4 months after the wedding.
Keep us posted, please.