Using a throwaway because my boyfriend knows my main account. My (32F) and my boyfriend (34M) have been dating for four months. We have a large family gathering coming up in February, his grandparents 60th wedding anniversary. I’ve never met his family, so this will be my first time having any sort of interaction with them.
My boyfriend would rather stay with his mom, because his argument is “he’d feel more at home there than a hotel.” I feel the opposite. The idea of staying with someone I’ve never met makes me very uncomfortable. I would feel like I was intruding and overstepping my bounds. He insists that his mom is very nice and welcoming. I’ve had past experiences with boyfriends’ moms, and that’s usually not the case. Boys have blinders on when it comes to mom.
When I brought up staying in a hotel, he wasn’t happy. He said it would be an extra cost that just doesn’t seem necessary, when his mom is “happy to have us there”. I don’t really believe that. I offered to pay for half of the hotel room, so I don’t really see why this is a problem.
This seems to be a bit of an issue in our relationship. Am I the asshole?
YTA. Give it a shot, and if it’s bad then book the hotel. Starting off mistrustful won’t endear you to anyone.
YTA. You are projecting your previous experiences onto his mom. If you are insisting on the hotel then you should pay for the entire bill.
Soft YTA for not giving it a chance. If you already had a bad experience with this mom, then I could why you wouldn’t want to stay there. I would assume from his vantage point, he wants to see his mom plus and probably more importantly he wants you and his mom to get to know each other.
I think you suck it up and stay with his family and have an open mind (from your post it sounds like you are already expecting it not to go well). If it doesn’t work out, then next time you can stay in a hotel. Or if you feel that strong, you cover the cost of the entire hotel, since you are the one with an issue.
YTA Why have you offered to pay for half of the hotel? That’s automatic…you should have offered to pay for the whole hotel for yourself
YTA. You haven’t even met the family yet and you’re already projecting, making assumptions.
Offering to pay for half is meaningless when he doesn’t want the expense to begin with. If you feel strongly about NOT staying with his family for free, pay for it all.
Soft YTA
YTA you’re saying you’d pay half as if that shouldn’t be a given in any trip you take?
You’re the one refusing the free alternative accomidation. You should be paying for the entire hotel cost
YTA for forcing him to pay. This trip could be practically free, if you don’t want to stay in the free lodging then I feel like you should cover the hotel cost or decline the invite. It’s ok to be uncomfortable staying with people you’ve never met, but it’s not exactly fair to make things harder for your bf. Might be an incompatibility issue.
You’re in your 30’s. You’re too far along in life to let past relationships overshadow new ones. He’s not your ex, and his mom could be cool. A lot of this sounds like unfair and unfortunate predisposition/prejudice. I can understand why he’s annoyed.
YTA for “offering to pay half” when you’re the one that is insisting on the hotel on the first place. N t a for wanting the hotel, but if you want the hotel, don’t act like you’re doing him a favor by paying half.
Sorry, but YTA – By agreeing to be his partner for a family event you are venturing into his world. I know from personal experience that not all moms are welcoming to significant others (mine wasn’t). However, this is a good opportunity to see him in his native habitat – experience his relationship with his mother (i.e. Is he a momma’s boy?), and it seems to be meaningful to him. And if she is mean to you, you’ll see how he reacts. You might have a good time there, or you might learn that you can’t continue in the relationship. Either way, it’s one weekend – give it a try. Better now than later
YTA. It’s a pretty reasonable thing to want to stay with parents during a visit, and if you’re that against doing so then you should pay the full cost for a hotel room
YTA for making unsubstantiated assumptions about someone (the mother) you have never met before. On top of that, it is YOU that has fabricated this issue. You have a right to your opinions, but fact is the extra room cost is entirely due to YOU, so it is offensive to think offering to pay half for it makes up for it.
If you can’t get over your unsubstantiated opinions about the mother then you can feel free to get your own hotel room, you are an adult, but it’s YOUR room to pay for.
N T A for wanting a hotel. I cannot imagine being stuck in a house full of people I’ve never met, no matter how kind they are. That’s just too overwhelming, IMO
But YTA for expecting him to pay half for the hotel. This is your issue, not his. He has provided accommodations. You just don’t like them. So you’re welcome to pass but to expect him to pay half of the hotel, when he doesn’t even want to stay at a hotel, makes you the AH
Why would you pay for half the hotel room? You should be paying for all of it if that’s where you feel comfortable, given it’s your idea, and he has an alternative.