so i (24f) live in a pretty small studio near the city center. my brother "ben" (22m) is always out late and he’s kind of a mess. like, he loses his phone or his keys at least once a month.
well last night he calls me at 2 am saying he lost his keys again and is locked out of his place. he asked if he could come over and crash on my couch. the thing is, i had a really big presentation at 8 am today and i’ve been stressed about it all week. i told him no, that i really needed to sleep and he should just call a locksmith or go to our parents’ house (they live about 30 mins away, so it’s a drive but not impossible).
he got all annoyed and said i was being a "bad sister" and that it wasn’t safe for him to be outside. i ended up just telling him i couldn’t help him this time, turned my phone on silent, and went back to sleep.
this morning i woke up to like ten texts from my mom saying i’m being selfish and "what if something had happened to him?" ben ended up just sleeping in his car until the landlord could let him in this morning. he’s not speaking to me now.
i feel kind of bad because yeah, it’s just a couch, but also he’s an adult and this is literally the third time he’s done this in four months. i feel like i’m being treated like his backup plan because he won’t get his act together.
am i actually the jerk here for locking him out?
NTA – it’s called consequences of your adult actions.
NTA maybe he should get a keypad lock if he’s that bad at remembering basic things. Or hide a key.
It’s time for him to grow up and figure out ways so he isn’t constantly losing his keys. He had solutions available, like you said a locksmith, or your parents. Additionally if your mom was so concerned for him why didn’t she pick him up? NTA
>he got all annoyed and said i was being a “bad sister”
He’s being a bad brother. He’s causing problems and expecting you to fix them for him. He could get a hotel nearby or go to your parent’s house…but no, he’s got to put it all on you. He’s only doing it again because it worked before. Maybe now, since it didn’t work this time, he’ll stop.
>woke up to like ten texts from my mom saying i’m being selfish and “what if something had happened to him?”
Your mother is enabling his behavior. Let her bail him out if he insists on being so irresponsible.
**BIG NTA.**
Forget you and your mom, why doesn’t he do what other people with undiagnosed ADHD do and make like 10 spare keys to hide in his car, coat pockets, and friends’ houses?
Edit: But seriously, bro should probably talk to a doctor.
NTA
Being irresponsible had consequences. The sooner he learns that, the sooner he’ll get a hide-a-key.
NTA. Let him learn to keep track of his things. If he can’t, then it’s not your problem. And mom shouldn’t be complaining – let him go sleep there.
NTA. your mom is toxic and your brother needs a taste of the real world and consequences of his actions
NTA – The selfish always call the people who won’t bail them out or enable them selfish because they can’t think of anyone but themselves
Maybe your parents should offer to buy him a keypad lock. I never lose my keys, but if I did, I’d still be able to get in my house. Also, how did he drive home/get in his car if his keys were gone? Does he have separate keychains or something?
NTA
He cannot be bothered to solve his problems, but you must attend his needs every single time?
Your mom can cuddle her kid if she wanna, but he’s a grown man, he is supossed to do things such as take care of his belongings.
Why isn’t his house key attached to his car key?
This is what im wondering, how does he have car keys but no house key?
Parents live 30 minutes away and he chose to sleep in his car? Your brother seems…. not so bright. (Unless he was drunk, in which case I’ll give him some credit for choosing to not drive.)
NTA.