My sister and her son (8 years old) stay at my house for weekend. My nephew love video games, but he is very bad at them. He play my console and he lose every time. When he lose, he scream, throw my controller, and say the game is "cheating".
My sister just laugh and say "he is just competitive, he is so talented for his age".
Yesterday he almost break my expensive controller. I took it from him and told him: "You are not talented. You are just loud. If you don’t learn how to lose, you don’t play anymore."
He start crying very loud. My sister is angry now. She say I "destroyed his confidence" and that I am "cruel" to a child. She say I should apologize and tell him he is great player. I refuse. I think kids need to know the truth.
AITA? (English is my second language, sorry).
ESH Everyone is failing that kid.
ESH you shouldn’t say “you’re not talented” that is just mean to say to a kid that young. Your sister should also teach her child that losing is okay and a key to getting better at video games and other things in life too, and to not break or mistreat things that aren’t theirs.
This is one of those cases where you’re both correct and an asshole. He could be among the best players in the world and still need to learn how to lose without accusing other players of cheating or damaging property.
ESH – mom for not addressing his responses, you for insulting his skills when they were only tangentially relevant.
ESH. You were mean and your sister’s parenting skills are sub-par.
Idk, if someones trash and keep deflecting blame they’re never going to learn they’re the problem and are just going to keep being an entitled brat. I see no problem with telling the kid he sucks, 8 is old enough. Especially if hes going to destroy my things.
But the nephew wasn’t the one claiming he was talented, so he didn’t need that particular rebuke. He was being bratty but there are other ways to address that with him.
Touche. A simple, “quit throwing my stuff,” would have sufficed.
ESH, you handled it wrong, his mom is handling it wrong, and the kid needs to learn a lesson or two. Instead of telling him he’s not talented, instead be firm and tell him that if he going to throw a fit and throw stuff when he loses, he is no longer going to play. His mom needs to get the kid under control and not allow him to throw tantrums. And if he does there are consequences. He’s 8, not 2. He’s old enough to be told no.
ESH. Of course he’s bad a video games, he’s a child. They’re bad at most things, due to being new to the world.
Your sister should be teaching him to manage his feelings when he loses. You need to manage your own feelings better than an 8-year-old and learn how not to insult people when what you really mean is “it’s not okay for you to break my stuff.”
NTA actually- I think kids need to have ego death moments sometimes. I think you should make sure he knows you don’t hate him, still offer to play with him, and encourage him, but challenge him! He will always think he can get away with anything if he’s loud enough or if mommy helps him. Maybe make a day where you are TEACHING him like a sensei… make it a game. Show him how to be good, how to slow down and make critical decisions. He will eventually love you for it.
ESH.
I’m not going to call an 8 year old an asshole.
Your nephew is being bratty, and your sister is making it worse and not being a good parent here.
However your response was also unnecessary. How “talented” your nephew is at video games is irrelevant. Even talented or skilled people fail sometimes. What your nephew needs to understand is how to behave when you don’t get your way or when you lose at something. You telling him he’s not talented doesn’t teach him how he should behave, it’s just a kind of petty personal blow directed at a kid.
You saying “if you throw a tantrum every time you lose I will not let you use my things anymore” is entirely reasonable
NTA. If someone threw a controller in my house… they’d be out of my house. Temper tantrum shit don’t fly here.
“Sucking at something is the first step towards being sorta good at something.” —Jake the Dog
The way you spoke to him obviously wasn’t going to help anything. Both you and the mother need to learn how to help him regulate his emotions.
NTA. Maybe the tone was not great. But to everyone saying “maybe don’t say he is talentless “. His mom already drilled into his mind that he is, and will continue to believe he is special, but he is not. He needs reality to hit him now.