I (F52) live with my husband (M55) and our two kids: daughter (F15) and son (M17).
My daughter has always been on the chubbier side, and honestly, our whole family is overweight. However, since she started high school, her weight gain became extreme. In the span of just a few months, she went from being somewhat chubby to weighing over 300 pounds at only 15 years old.
Obviously, this worried us a lot. We later realized the weight gain was a symptom of deeper issues. High school has been very hard for her, and she was being bullied. She started stress eating, and since we all gain weight easily, things escalated quickly. We are addressing the emotional side of this with a therapist and working with the school, but we also can’t ignore the physical weight gain.
I took her to a nutritionist, who gave her a structured meal plan to help her lose weight in a healthy way. She started the plan last week. I decided that our entire family would follow the same meal plan.
Here’s why:
1. I’m not cooking two separate meals every day. It’s much easier and more realistic for me to cook one meal for everyone.
2. We are all overweight. None of us are in as alarming a situation as my daughter, but losing some weight would benefit everyone.
3. I think it will be much easier for my daughter to stick to the plan if she’s not watching the rest of us eat differently or keep junk food in the house.
4. I honestly don’t see a downside to our family learning how to eat healthier together.
To be clear, I’m not starving anyone. I adjust portion sizes based on each person’s needs.
My husband and son are upset. They feel it’s unfair that just because my daughter gained a lot of weight, everyone has to “go on a diet.” They say I’m punishing them for her problem and that I should just cook separate meals, one for my daughter (and me, if I want) and one for them.
I don’t think I’m being unreasonable, but they’re acting like I am.
So, AITA?
EDIT: Okay, I get it, point taken about the word *“*diet.” I’m on the older side, and that’s just what we’ve always called intentional changes in eating. I genuinely appreciate the feedback, and if changing my language helps my family accept this better, I’m happy to do that. That said, I’d appreciate judgments focusing on my actions rather than getting stuck on word choice.
NTA. Your list of reasons can stop at Number 1. If they want a separate meal, they can cook it themselves.
This is literally the ONLY comment needed.
Exactly what I was going to post as well. Take my upvote instead!
This! But it sounds like the entire family needs a shift in their eating habits and mindset. Healthy eating is for your health, not just your weight. Healthy eating also includes some treats in moderation, which hopefully your nutritionist allows.
Are you, by chance, actively preventing your husband and son from cooking separate meals for themselves? If not, NTA.
NTA
Both your husband and your son can cook for themselves if they are unhappy with what you are doing.
At 17, your son is old enough to learn how to cook for himself.
Additionally, your husband is a fully functional adult, if he wants snacks in the house he can go to the grocery store and buy it himself.
NTA. Since you are the cook in the family you can make whatever meals you want. If the boys want something else they can cook it or order it themselves. Good on you for looking out for your daughter.
NTA. Eating appropriately moderate amounts of decent-quality food isn’t a “diet,” is a wise choice for health, energy, and life.
Stop calling it a “diet,” and start doing your part in changing the way your family eats if it’s not serving anyone well beyond tasting/feeling good in that exact moment.
And sure, if they don’t like it, they can source their own food, at their own effort.
The thing is, it is a diet. A diet is just the food we consume, and over time it’s gained the implication that it is all about weight loss.
But, there isn’t really a good, easy use term that describes it. Or it’s all euphemisms that we all recognize as trying to dance around the implication, like all the euphemisms for fat, because a neutral descriptive word now comes with all sorts of implications and cultural baggage.
Eating “appropriately moderate amounts of decent quality food” is a diet. The bag of potato chips I ate this weekend are also part of a diet. Unless there are deeper issues going on, such as an eating disorder or something else that could be triggered, then there is no need to tiptoe around the word diet, all that does is increase the stigma and ever more ridiculous euphemisms.
NTA. If they want different meals, they can cook them. Your reasoning is sound and coming together as a family to support your daughter is a loving thing to do.
NTA this isn’t a restaurant! They can cook a meal if they’re so distraught about it.
It must be quite a burden being the only person in your home capable of putting a meal on the table.
A diet literally means the food and drink you regularly consume. People are getting hung up on the word, but it’s a generic word. If you mean a calorie restricted diet, that’s a specific type of diet.
But the bottom line is your husband and son can eat what they want. They just can’t expect you to cook it for them.
NTA. How *kind* of your husband to declare it’s no big deal for *you* to make him a whole separate meal every night.
Stick to your plan, help your daughter. If your husband and nearly grown-ass son don’t like it, they can figure out their own food.