I (24F) travel home to my Dad (50M) and StepMoms(46F) house for Christmas. SMoms parents H (F) and T (M) also usually come.
Christmas Day 2024, I was alone in the house with H and T. While I was sitting on the couch, H walked up to me, and asked me to wash the dishes. I agreed, and stood to go do them. As I made my way to the kitchen, she continued to talk about how I never contribute and how sad it is that the burden always falls on my parents. After shrugging off several comments about how lazy I was, I got very frustrated with the disrespect. I casually said "You know, when I was in High School, if I didn’t do the dishes, I wasn’t allowed to use the car", alluding to my StepSister J (16F)(H’s biological granddaugher) and how she was not expected to do any chores and was currently using the car to drive around with her friends. H was immediately furious and began yelling at me. I’m not so sure what she said because as soon as she raised her voice, I walked away. Needless to say, I spent the rest of my Christmas vacation shut off in the guest room.
SMom and I spoke about it over the phone in March. It was a very emotionally heavy but productive conversation, and I thought the matter was at rest.
In August, my dad calls me to talk about Christmas plans. He mentioned they were planning to go to FL to spend the holidays with SMom’s parents. I was also planning to go to FL, as I have other family and good friends I’m close with in that area. I had booked an AirBNB and had mentioned wanting to try and see my parents and siblings for Christmas morning. He told me "If I was you, I wouldn’t presume I was invited." When I asked him to explain, he pointed to the previous encounter with H, saying "You basically told her to go f herself" and claiming H, T and SMom were still "super pissed". I said ok and ended the call. It crushed me.
That week, I called SMom to ask her about the situation. She had no idea she was allegedly still upset, and claimed both her and H had long since forgotten about it.
A month later (Sep), Dad calls me to tell me Christmas is back at their house and ask what are my plans. I told him I wasn’t planning to come since I wasn’t invited. He then claimed that wasn’t what he meant, and that all he said was I shouldn’t assume H and T would host me overnight at their house without asking them. I asked him why he would say that when I told him I had booked an AirBnb, but he didn’t have an answer. I then tried to explain the pain I had carried knowing my family didn’t want me home for Christmas, and how it made me feel excluded, but he interrupted to say it was all in my head. At that point, I felt dismissed and I told him to call me when he was ready to talk.
Fast forward to today, when he sends me two catty texts me to say there is nothing to talk about, and that I need to have some "introspection and accountability" on my part. I’m so devastated and not even sure how it even got this deep.
AITA?