Basically I’m 16F and I’ve had the same group of friends since year 7 and I’m in year 11 now. Recently, this new girl joined our school and I offered to be her buddy and show her around. She was nice at first and sat with my group but even within being here for only a week she’s trash talking literally everyone and the worst part is all my friends just laugh along with her.
I can’t tell if I’m overreacting for thinking she’s being mean but our other friend added her to our group chat and it’s only getting worse so I’d muted it for a while and thought about the situation. I’d told another friend that I think she has bad vibes and I didn’t like having someone new in our friend group.
Maybe I was just jealous she was getting along with my friends so well so I was going to unmute it but I came to see I’d been kicked out of the group chat. It’s the weekend now and literally none of my friends have reached out about it and I haven’t been added back. I don’t even know who kicked me out in the first place but I feel like the friend I told, told everyone else.
AITA for making assumptions about the person she is just because she’s said some mean things about other people that I thought was strange? All my other friends treat her normally and maybe I’ve been quick to judge.
NTA, you spoke your mind to your friends and they chose to hangout with someone who probably also shit talks them. it seems they’ve been looking for an excuse to air out their grievances
Your NTA.
There’s a saying that goes if everyone you know is an AH, chances are, you’re the AH. I think you might have found yourself in the inverse of that.
From what you’re telling us about these friends of yours, I’m not sure you should want to be friends with them in the first place. You may have found where you belong with them for the last few years, but that doesn’t mean you need to stay with them. Not saying it would be easy, but the real friends among them will come around. If no one does, they were never really your friend and you’re better off.
NTA.
You formed an opinion based on what she exposed of herself for you to judge. That’s how it goes, really.
Plus, a group of friends who will kick you out for muting a group chat is really not much to lose, in my opinion. You might need better friends, and the bar is low.
NTA. Honestly if you want an answer on what happened, ask the most trusted person in that group and ask what happened. I can’t guarantee that you’ll get an honest answer but it might help you get to the bottom of things. Though, the best advice I can give you is just to distance yourself from them considering they haven’t added you back.
NTA
Sounds like the new girl is a bully.
I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone like that
The other friend definitely told everyone….you just saw everyone for who they really are.
They sound easily manipulated
Easily manipulated because high school girls.
This newcomer could be trying too hard because she’s new and trying to belong but honestly, yes, she really just sounds like a bully.
It’s definitely a pecking order thing. Be the new kid, overcompensate for your own insecurity by targeting and talking shit about other vulnerable / insecure people, now you’ve got a bunch of people in the group who will naturally listen to you because they don’t want you talking shit about them next… petty ass behavior that unfortunately doesn’t always stop after high school.
Definitely not the asshole. If your friends don’t have a problem with her being an asshole, you don’t want them as your friends. She wont go far in life acting like that. Stick to your heart. If you don’t want to be associated with that hate and negativity, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. And if you worry about making new friends, you could always just join a club that you’re interested in and start there. Maybe you’ll find your true lifelong friends there. Always be true to yourself and trust your gut you’ll be fine ❤️
NTA, good on ya for setting boundaries.
You are wise young Grasshopper.
Keep being kind and filtering out the negativity in every aspect of your life.
You get out of the universe what you put into it. Positivity and rising above will always attract the same.
Stay kind and curious ☮️
nTa 🗯️
NTA you set boundaries. Real friends would have respected that
I survived Year 11 at a girls’ school and honestly it was horrible. Cliquey bullshit, ostracism, nastiness on so many levels.
Please know, OP, that the rest of life isn’t like this. In like 18 months, you’re done with this entire little mess.
NTA
NTA. I’m catty as hell but even I can tell this friend group doesn’t value you and is going through their own growing pains. That’s the “fun” of being a teenager, a lot of kids your age get swept up in the high of talking trash, both because they’re starting to form their own opinions separate of their parents / teachers / etc. and also because they’re doing whatever seems “cool” to fit in, and unfortunately talking trash and gossiping has never really fallen out of fashion, it attracts the worst kinds of people who either outgrow it or don’t.
If they wanna talk trash, leave them to their pig pen where they can roll around in the mud to their heart’s delight. Don’t lower yourself to that just to earn their approval, because I guarantee you, once a dynamic like that is established, it’s only a matter of time before they all wind up talking trash about *each other.* At least by that point you’ll know the only thing you’re missing out on is getting mud on yourself.
Friend groups come and go, your values are forever and in a year or two when you’re out of high school, you’ll realize you were better off. Maybe some of them will mature and come around, maybe they won’t, but at least you’ll have your integrity.