My (30, f) cousin (35, f) “Megan” feels like she’s been trying to one-up me these last few years, and I decided I wasn’t having it.
First, she picked the same wedding date as me but one year earlier. My now-husband and I started dating over a decade ago on a specific date. Let’s say March 9th. We got engaged a few years later, also on March 9th. We told all of our wedding attendees (small wedding, so only family) that we’d be getting married on March 9th three years from our engagement date, which everyone, including Megan, said was adorable and meaningful. Between my engagement and wedding, Megan met, got engaged, and got married to her now-husband. When they were picking the wedding date, they said they liked how meaningful our upcoming wedding date was and wanted to do something similar. But their engagement date wasn’t available at the venue they wanted, so they just chose the next date with the same digits. For example, if they’d gotten engaged on 01/14 they might have chosen 04/11. Well, the next date that met those rules was March 9th, one year before our wedding. When they called to tell us, they lead with “we know it’s the same date as your wedding, but our special date just wasn’t available, and won’t it be fun to share an anniversary? Plus, you can dedicate a dance to us at your wedding!” Whatever. We had the DJ call them out during the couples dance.
Then, in between that and the next big event (see below), a few more small things happened that really made us scratch our heads. We sent thank you cards right after our wedding, and then they sent their thank you cards right after that (yes, a full year after their wedding). We bought a new-to-us car, and they immediately bought a truly new car. Lots of things like that.
Then the big event happened.
Two years after the wedding, they found out they were pregnant with their first baby. We were all immensely happy for them and had a few celebrations throughout her pregnancy. At the first one, early on, people asked what she’d name the baby. She said she wasn’t sure, and asked everyone what their dream baby names were. Everyone shared, and I told her my dream baby name was “Lina”, the middle name of my sister I’m incredibly close with. She said it was pretty but not to her taste. You can guess where this is going. When she announced the name of her baby, it was Lina.
To make a long story short, I ended up becoming pregnant in the last 6 months and have made it clear I will name my daughter Lina. Megan is irate, saying I’m ruining her daughter’s special name and connection to her aunt (my sister), and Megan’s mom is saying I’m going to ruin my own daughter’s life by setting her up to be “Little Lina” or “the second Lina” and will always risk getting them confused.
So AITA for naming my daughter what I wanted to name her? Am I really setting her up for a lifetime of derision?
NTA.
What’s up with your cousin, eh? Super-weird copycat-ing, and inability to trust what she likes or to choose anything by herself.
Absolutely no problem calling your child Lina, it’s a pretty name.
You could also go check out a list of girls’ names which contain ‘-lina’. I just did that, and there are some lovely ones.
Longer names are classy, and functional, because they can be shortened in different ways, as the name-owner prefers.
Alina, Rosalina, Angelina, Halina, Evelina…
https://www.babycenter.com/baby-names/search/baby-names-contains-lina
Megan is a psycho. You should name your daughter what you want to name her but i feel like since shes beaten you to the punch, your kid might get the short end of the stick and be known as 2nd lina.
you need to at least tell meagan off saying you shared with her the name you had chosen and why and suddenly she has the same name in mind? get real.
as for the name, yeah it’s a tough one. I’m not sure what you should do, since you need to at least think of what it will be like for your kid.
NTA – While you’re technically in the right, you should be aware of what comes for naming your daughter the same thing, for her own future identity and relationship with Megan as she’s already shown she likes to take your spotlight.
Not over reacting about the name. It held meaning to you and she specifically said she didn’t like it but then chose it. I’ve told my brother if me and my wife have kids what their names will be. To make sure he didn’t want the same name (manly a unique name that was our lovely grand mother’s.)
Not over reacting from the wedding either. That was nice of you to have even called her out. It’s your special day and anyone that wants a piece of it is selfish in my opinion.
Over reacting over the head scratchers. Sounded like she started later in life than you and when you start late you got to rush. Maybe she had fomo maybe not or maybe she did want to one up you.
Name your kid whatever the hell you want. You probably will only see your cousin at large family gatherings my guess after this any ways.
How on earth did you not have the foresight to throw a Tragedeigh at your cousin instead of your actual dream name? You could have chucked McKennedeigh her way and you’d have a FCOR with a terrible name and full ownership over Lina.
Regardless, NTA. I don’t imagine you and your cousin, and therefore your kids, are going to spend enough time together for the name,
or being “little Lina” to really burden your daughter.
Also if they do that just start referring to FCOR as “Big Lina” or “Mega Lina.” See how well that goes over.
Ha, love blinds! I do love my cousin, and thought for some dumb reason I could trust her, but I was wrong. I’ll always love her because she’s family but no one said you have to like the people you love.
I wish I’d said something terrible, except she clearly would have given the poor kid the name! Mega Lina is HILARIOUS though, thank you.
I think the rule of thumb is never tell anyone the names you have picked out. Ever.
I am one of four cousins with the same first name. We’re all fine and nobody confuses us.
NTA.
As for the family members insisting your daughter will be “The Second Lina” or “Little Lina”…..here’s reality. When I was little and my parents, aunts, and uncles were younger and all starting off their families, I saw my second cousins quite a bit.
As time went on, I saw them less and less. Us kids got older, we all our own activities that our respective parents might need to take us to, jobs changed, people moved. I don’t think I’ve seen any of my second cousins in close to 40 years now.
Also works the other way. A lot of my first cousins have had kids of their own. But due to life stuff going on, several of the kids of the cousins have never even met.
In reality, the two Linas might spend some of their childhood together, but time and circumstances will probably eventually have them drift away.
NTA
Actions have consequences.
When you intentionally take the name that someone you are friends with or related to was going to use for their baby, you can’t have a temper tantrum when that friend or family member still names their baby that name.
Id email her in writing:
“i am confused as to why you’re so upset. Did you think I was going to give up my dream name because you used it? After all, i didn’t change my wedding date when you took it. I still got married on my anniversary as planned after you knowingly chose my wedding date .You didn’t seem to expect me to change my wedding date then..
I thought that this was our thing, you seek specific info about decisions regarding my big life events and then you quickly go do the same thing so you can do it before me. I mean i couldn’t have been more accepting and respectful with all you have done.
Since we already have the same anniversary, it should be no big deal our daughter’s have the same name. Maybe you should have thought about whether or not you were willing to chance me keeping the name i intended to use. Im not responsible for your feelings or decisions or the unintended consequences of them. Be well, xoxo.”
dead at this email, I love it so much +100000
And never tell anyone the actual name you want to use!
LIE!!!
Why on earth did you tell her the real name you wanted to use?! You should have just given a random name.
Use the same name when she bring it up say ” you knew that’s what I wanted to name my baby. I figured you were ok with them being named the same thing since you chose the same name as me. It they can be twins!”
Oh you want them to be names different things? That’s 100% up to you. But I’m fine with it..