I (F, 27) live alone in a different city from my family. I was on a call with my mom yesterday when my grandmother (F, ancient) told her to pass along that she will be sending me some package. I’m not 100% sure what it is, just that it is a gift + there are some treats for my dog.
My mom told me it will be delivered this morning, and to be careful not to miss it. But she did NOT say that it is urgent to accept it right away (like she does when she sends me food and etc.)
Some important context: I despise my grandmother because she is evil, however due to her expert manipulation skills, she’s been able to weaponize my mom against me (aka: crying to her about how she is old and may die soon and her granddaughter doesn’t love her) and so I had to break no-contact and now have to act normal with her. I pick up the phone when she calls, don’t immediately leave when she invites herself over for Christmas, talk to her nicely, etc. I am honestly trying my best for my mom’s sake, and most of the time my acting is pretty good, but everyone involved is more or less aware it is just acting.
Anyways, I have been having problems sleeping and woke up at 3am and couldn’t fall asleep again. I’m also sick with COVID so I’ve been really tired, one thing led to another and I forgot to charge my phone, so it turned off around noon.
As it turns out, that coincided with the courier showing up. Since I didn’t pick up, he left, and the package was rerouted to a pickup point.
As soon as I turned my phone on, my mom started spamming me with calls telling me to call my grandma right away to find out where the courier is and if he is still waiting, and basically calling me ungrateful for not putting in effort to accept the delivery when she specifically warned me it would be coming today.
She was also using this really stressful tone that she uses in emergencies (and that she only used in my childhood when I was in BIG trouble), which freaked me out.
I was super confused. Firtsly, the courier 100% isn’t "still waiting", these couriers don’t even come to your address if you don’t pick up the phone to confirm you’re there in advance, she also said something about him waiting over an hour for me..? But that makes no sense, these guys have quotas and are always in a rush.
Secondly, why would my grandmother know where the courier is?? They don’t give that kind of detailed tracking info to the sender…
I told my mom I’ll call the courier to get her off the call, but honestly the headache was really bad + the last straw, so I decided I will pick it up from the pickup point tomorrow and went for a nap.
Now that I woke up, and feel less like I’m dying, I’m wondering if I was an asshole? It is a gift, even if it is from an evil person, I probably shouldn’t act so ungratefully… IDK.
I know I’m biased due to my hate for my grandma, soo yeah. What do you guys think?
NTA. You’re sick with COVID and need to rest. Why couldn’t she have just had it out for normal delivery versus getting it from the courier?
Nta
And if your relationship with your grandmother is that toxic it’s time to tell your mother you’ll be going back to no-contact and that you won’t be party to granny’s manipulation of your mom.
You had COVID, no sleep, and a dead phone — not a hostage situation with the UPS guy. Pick up the package tomorrow, text a polite ‘thank you,’ and let everyone retire from their Oscar-worthy emergency performance. Missing a delivery isn’t a character flaw, it’s just… Tuesday
NTA this is a crazy reaction to a grown ass person missing a delivery attempt for DOG TREATS. It’s not insulin lmao
NTA
You are not even obligated to have a good reason for not organizing your day around a delivery you didn’t schedule but you DO have a good reason- you’re ill. You’re tired and missed a text/phone call.
Your grandmother and mother being overbearing and manipulative isn’t even all that relevant except that it’s apparently conditioned you to believe that, even as an independent adult, you’re supposed to conform to their expectations.
I’m really a bit worried about it that you’re even considering that you could be wrong here. It sounds like you have a lot of baggage around these relationships . Have you considered seeing a therapist just to gain more perspective and maybe develop some strategies & tools for dealing with them?
It seems like you are too enmeshed in the manipulation. They have you so riled up in your thoughts that you’re turning against yourself. Not the a hole. So what if you missed it? So what if you pick it up tomorrow? What’s the big deal? Stop trying to please them and let them manipulate and gaslight you. If it was me I’d go no contact with gma and low contact with mom. Let it be known that you won’t put up with that. And follow through.
NTA. You’ve already allowed your mother to destroy boundaries you created for your own safety & sanity. The least she could do is not have a melt down when you miss a package? I can’t tell you how many times I missed a package I couldn’t sign for because of various reasons that hold less validity than being sick in bed. Personally, I find it odd you’ve allowed your mother control over your adult life in such a way that you’ve ruined boundaries you set up for her comfort. If grandma wanted her granddaughter in her life then she should’ve done self reflection and stopped treating you poorly. And if your mom wants you to bend over backwards so she can be more comfortable then she needs some self reflection too. Family is family but you don’t have to allow mistreatment just to appease a few.
NTA. You’re sick with Covid, so you missed the package. Since you’re sick, your mom should go pick it up at the centralized drop-off for you. End of story. All that other garbage is irrelevant. I’m glad you’re feeling better after getting a little rest.
NTA. The fact that you could possible think that you have any fault in this at all shows how effective your grandmother’s manipulation and emotional abuse on your mother is.
I would ask your grandmother not to send you packages by courier. Tell her they are extremely inconvenient. Let her be angry.
Tell your mother that her mother’s abuse and manipulation of her caused her to use those techniques on you. You were sick. Missing a courier does not mean you should be punished.
NTA. And you didn’t have to break no contact. Your mom and grandma sound insufferable and you don’t owe anyone anything, regardless of who they are.
Good lort. Its a package from someone you don’t even like..not coveted secrets from the UN. Sounds like you mom is as manipulative as your grandma. Leave it sit. Tell mom you won’t be dealing with grandma anymore and if she continues to join in the manipulative ways, you wont deal with her either.
Yeah, the mother is as much a problem as the grandmother. Just a different kind.
NTA. You are sick. Unless the package is medicine, it can wait.
NTA. Take care of yourself first . This isn’t an urgent matter. They are trying to pull you into their drama, that’s all this is.