I have two sons and a daughter but this mostly concerns my 15 year old son.
We have a subscription to an gym/athletic club nearby (has basketball, racquetball, pickleball courts, pilates, yoga, etc), and where we live the kids are on February break right now. I’m a teacher assistant so I’m also on break as well. The problem is that everyday he wants to go the gym to play basketball. He plays football and he was told not to lift by the strength coach so he just wants to go and play basketball. I don’t mind taking him, but he doesn’t seem to understand I want to enjoy my break as well. I did take him on Tuesday but yet he was asking again by yesterday, to which I told him that I was tired. Don’t get me wrong, there are times I want to go, but he doesn’t like "going on my schedule."
He got mad at my answer, and I reminded him I’m not his chauffeur. And if he’s going to be rude I won’t take him at all, when I could sit at home and nap and watch TV. To this morning he still seems to not be happy about it.
AITA?
For more info: I don’t know any of the parents that go to that gym. And my son has only been going to the district his high school is in since freshman year, and I guess he doesn’t have "out of school" type friends.
It’s about 12 minute drive, and GPS is saying a 28 minute bike ride, but the only way I an think of he can get there is through the highway so I don’t even think biking is an option. His brother (16) is older and learning to drive but can’t drive by himself yet. And no, I don’t want him taking the bus.
I’m moreso questioning why a parent is posting on AITA for telling their child “no”.
You should be thankful he isn’t satisfied with sitting at home watching TV or doom scrolling on social media. Take him to the gym or figure out an alternative way he can get there.
Are there alternative methods for him to get there? (Walking, cycling, bus, catching a ride with someone else) and do you allow him to do those methods?
You aren’t his chauffeur, but if he is unable to go anywhere without your help because of where you live then you need to be considerate of that. How would you feel if you couldn’t leave your house unless it happened to be convenient for someone else?
Edit: based on your info slightly YTA, you put him in a situation where he is trapped in the house. People complain about kids being too online but this is exactly why, he can’t leave the house to do anything. It’s like he’s grounded anytime you are tired, even if he wasn’t rude or anything.
YTA he is 15. How difficult is it to take 20 minutes to drop him off? Driving teens around is the best way to hear what is going on in their lives. In a few short years he will be out of your home. You won’t get these chances much longer.
Your son wants to go to the gym to exercise rather than be a sloth, and you are giving him grief over it?
How out of touch are you, really?
soft YTA. Of all the things a 15 yr old boy could want to do, getting out and playing basketball a couple times a week seems highly benign. As you say, he just moved and doesn’t have “out of school” friends yet.
How much does it really interfere with your enjoyment of break for you to spend 24 minutes out of 24 hrs dropping your son off and picking him up? Is there really nothing else you could do in the area that would be relaxing for you – a coffee shop, a bookstore, even a store where you could knock out the necessary weekly shopping? Maybe the gym/athletic club where you have a subscription has massage chairs or something you would enjoy while he plays.
You’ve got your kid at home for maybe 3 more years. Enjoy it while you can.
And again – of all the things to stir up confliction about with your kid, his desire to go play basketball seems benign. Pick your battles.
Why don’t you want him to take the bus? He is 15 years old! He is not a baby. I was taking a bus when I was 11 years old and I’m a girl. It will give you freedom and make him more responsible. He needs to learn sometime.
YTA, not for not driving him everyday, but for not letting him find alternative ways to get there. “No, I don’t want him taking the bus” sounds kinda controlling. He’s 15. I understand not wanting him to bike through a highway, but I don’t see what’s wrong with the bus. Let him gain some independence.
YTA. You admit that nobody else can take him or that he can’t take himself due to a highway and instead of encouraging athleticism and healthy choices for him you’d rather show him that your children are lads important that you sleeping on the couch during the day, aka, chosen laziness over being a parent. Yeah, your definitely an AH
YTA
Your son wants to be physically active and he needs transportation. If you live somewhere that a car is a necessity, it is your responsibility to provide rides until he has a license.
I highly suggest starting driving lessons as soon as your jurisdiction allows. In mine, a 15yo would already be able to drive solo to school and work, but would still need a ride to the gym.
I could not wait to be free of chauffeur duties. I still drive my teen to complicated places, like events downtown at night, but I am off the hook for regular outings.
> It’s about 12 minute drive, and GPS is saying a 28 minute bike ride, but the only way I an think of he can get there is through the highway so I don’t even think biking is an option. His brother (16) is older and learning to drive but can’t drive by himself yet. And no, I don’t want him taking the bus.
Alright, so hear me out here. I don’t particularly think anyone is an *asshole*, but it is *your* decisions that have made him utterly dependent on you.
You have chosen to live in a place where your kid can’t bike to the gym.
You have chosen to forbid him from taking the bus.
You have *chosen* that he should be unable to do anything outside the house unless you chaperone him.
You’re the one who’s decided that you are his chauffeur. You’ve even said that if he’s not sufficiently *grateful* to be dependent on you then you won’t take him anywhere and he’ll effectively be under perpetual house arrest.
The bottom line is that he’s angry that *your* choices prevent him from pursuing his hobbies. And you’re angry that *your* choices place a demand on your time.
Do you see what the common denominator is here? It’s not “my son is a brat who should just sit at home watching TV like a normal person”.
It’s that you have made choices that suck for both of you.
Just let him take the bus, my dude. He won’t die from being reminded that other human beings exist in the world too.
YTA
Get him a bicycle and a helmet and work out a route he can take.
He’s 15 freaking years old! Why can’t he take a bus?
Drop him off, leave him for a couple hours while you nap, go pick him up.
You have made it so he can’t transport himself so you need to accommodate that. Otherwise you’re isolating him. You’re basically saying “I won’t let you transport yourself and I won’t transport you either so too bad you’re grounded.”
If he can’t bike, you won’t allow him to take a bus, and he can’t walk there, I really kind of feel that yeah, YTA. He’s wanting to get out and be active, probably make some friends, but you would rather just nap. Why not drop him off and go home to nap til he’s ready to be picked up? It’s a 12 minute drive, not 120. He’s not asking a lot, and you won’t let him have any kind of alternative, so YOU are the alternative.
YTA. An hour out of your day twice in a week to get your kid somewhere he can be active sounds like a very small ask. It’s not even 2% of your waking hours and you can’t spare that for your child?