I (18f) have gotten in some pretty hot water with my mother (47f) about my recently opened bank account, around possibly a month or weeks ago, my mother have always desperately wanted my father to open up my own bank account and get me a driving teacher, my father did those requests and allow me to have my own credit card and to learn driving, During the afternoon after my driving lesson, I was doing the laundry and hanging up clothes and my mother came to help, we had a talk about the teachers ethnicity (very common for her to talk about ethnicity for almost racist reasons) and then it went to my bank account, my mother jokes about wanting to also be apart of it, I also joke back of not wanting to, it slowly becomes hostile to why I don’t want her to access my account, she later goes on a rant to how she payed to get me the driving teacher and beg my father to get me my own account, I explicitly said I wanna focus more on saving up money for my account if I have a job, she then brings up the incident of me opening the money box and ripping up 50 dollars which I do feel guilty of, she then grabs the clothing hanger and hit my back over it ( the hanger broke but it didn’t really hurt as I’m used to it ) and walked back inside the house while I do the rest of the laundry, she told the incident to both my father and my 11 year old little brother but twists my words how I don’t wanna pay the bills for the house and just freeload, I DO wanna pay bills but I also wanna save up just in case but I haven’t said that to her because I just finished laundry and vacuuming and just give her space to weep, my father is neutral on this argument and I find it VERY emotionally immature of my mother to rant this incident between two adults to a child, I gave her space to weep while I shut myself out in my bedroom, I feel like I might’ve miscommunicated and chose my words poorly, I made the choice for the reason of trust and respect I have more in my father than my mother as I had on an recent incident of my mom wanting to buy weight loss pills on Facebook of an AI ad that both me and my brother explicitly told her NOT to do, to only ended up being a scammer and her card being blocked, AITA?
NTA do not give her access to your account. EVER
NTA . The money you ripped was still good , I am sure they taped it back together.
nta, you are not obligated to give her access to your bank account. it’s YOUR account for a reason, and since you saved that money, you have every right to use it how you wish, and as you’ve said, you plan on helping with the bills and such, just that you wanna save up a bit for now and that’s totally fine
This is control and domestic abuse and you will only see it escalate if you keep giving in. You did not do anything wrong. Your mother needs to be held accountable and you should start immediately tell your father or other relatives each time she abuses you. You allowing her the time to control the narrative and use others to try and shame you is manipulation and allows her to unjustifiably diffuse her feelings of discomfort. People who know right and wrong and still commit violence have to use these tactics. Whenever she resorts to lies, just stand there and respond calmly and proud and say you know that isn’t true, and walk away knowing you have no reason to feel the shame she is experiencing for abusing her child for her.
Why did your mother need your father to be involved in you opening a bank account? Why were either of your parents involved?
Are people not adults at 18 in your country?
None of your story makes sense.
In Australia, yes, it’s just the rule from my mom that I’m allowed to have a bank account until I’m 18
That seems more about control, limiting the financial responsibility, and thus freedom, you can have.
You said that your mother wanted your father to open an account for you.
You are not a minor. That isn’t something parents can do for their adult children, unless a court has deemed the adult child to not be capable of legally managing their own affairs due to mental incapacity.
NTA. That is domestic abuse. Your mother seems unable to control her emotions, hitting you and not being able to have a calm mature discussion. Try to be the bigger person, but don’t give in.
NTA. My mom went emotionally berserk when I changed the password to my online banking account. I gave her the silent treatment for almost a year before she broke.
Do not give in. Your mother needs to learn the hard way that you are an adult.
INFO. You’re an adult. Why wouldn’t you open a bank account on your own?
NTA, it’s your bank account – side note consider using some line breaks to your text is paragraphed. It makes it easier to read.
NTA
your mom is the AH for trying to access your bank account. **There is NO valid reason for her to have access. Don’T allow her to steal your money**.
NOBODY but you needs access. Not mom, not dad, not grandma, …(Until you decide you WANT to share this with a partner – but that CAN happen, it doesn’t have to.)