Hey,
I’m 28M. One of my closest friends (29M) has always been the type to ask people to cover for him. Usually small stuff, like saying he’s busy or stuck somewhere when he just doesn’t want to deal with something. I’ve helped out before because it didn’t seem like a big deal.
Last week he texted me and asked me to tell his girlfriend he was hanging out with me all night. He wasn’t. I honestly didn’t even know where he was, and that’s what made me uncomfortable. It felt different than just making an excuse.
I told him I didn’t want to lie and that I’d rather just stay out of it. I didn’t message his girlfriend, I didn’t tell her anything, I just didn’t back him up.
He got pissed and said I wasn’t being a good friend and that I made things worse by not helping him “keep it consistent.” He said real friends don’t act all moral over stuff like this.
Now he’s barely talking to me. A couple of mutual friends told me I should’ve just done it to avoid drama since it wasn’t really my business anyway.
I didn’t think refusing to lie was a big deal, but now I’m second guessing myself.
AITA?
he’s basically using your integrity as a shield for his own shady behavior
NTA, your so called friend is though
Not wanting to lie for people is a fair enough boundary to have. He sounds like a dodgy dude anyway, I would bow out of the friendship.
If he wants to “keep it consistent”, maybe he shouldn’t have lied to his girlfriend. NTA.
Sounds like you need different friends…
NTA. I’m all for lying for my friends depending on what it is but if they’re using it to cheat on their girl then sorry but I’m snitching.
Yeah that’s kind of where my head was at too. I don’t even know if he was cheating, but the fact that I didn’t know where he actually was made it feel way sketchier. I didn’t want to be dragged into something that could blow up later.
NTA.
You didn’t lie, you didn’t expose him, you just opted out. That’s a reasonable boundary. He’s mad because his plan needed your participation and you didn’t agree to it. Real friends don’t pressure you to lie for their relationship.
NTA. I would have told the girlfriend too, especially after the tantrum. Don’t wanna be friends with cheaters or liars anyway 🤷🏾♂️
This can happen in friends groups where you discover that your friends are different from you, fundamentally. You are not the asshole and did the right thing. Him telling you he’s a bad friend for not lying, but this isn’t about you being a good/bad friend- he’s not being a good boyfriend to his girlfriend and it’s not your job to help him manage his relationship especially when it’s not in the girl’s best interest. If he’s fucking up his relationship, leave him to it but don’t let him or your other friends peer pressure you into acting like them or supporting them just to “avoid drama”. There would be no drama if he didn’t even involve you.
He is telling you who he is. Believe him.
NTA friends don’t ask friends to lie.
NTA. It’s not your business, so don’t get involved. I think you need new friends.
NTA
Friends absolutely should “act all moral and stuff” towards each other. If not you, then who? Some stranger who doesn’t even know you?
Your friend asked you to cover for something, you didn’t even know what, and you just bowed out and said nah. That’s perfectly fine tbh.
NTA.
Drop this so called friend and scold anybody that told you to cover for him. Your “friends” are right. It’s none of your business. And it is none of their business how you choose to conduct yourself and if you want to lie or not. Because that could come back to bite you in the ass and cause drama for you. Especially if she gets even more suspicious and tries to confront you. Then what are you gonna do? Sit there and make up more lies for him? Nah dude. You did the right thing and will thank yourself when this shit blows up in his face and you stayed out of it. Morality of the situation aside. Which you have every right to consider, also. You don’t have to be part of somebody’s infidelity (presumably). Poor woman.
God people are so shitty.