eve= day before her birthday saturday
her birthday = sunday
I (20yr f) had my birthday 2 months ago at mine and my best friends (19 f) flat. i banned my bf from coming to the night leadup to my birthday so it would be special time for me and my best friend (i let him come on my birthday after 8pm).
me and my best friend have a tradition of staying up together till midnight watching movies and playing games until 11-30 when the non birthday girl will decorate the entire living room ect.
my fave part of the year is her birthday i’ve spent a lot of time and money and effort. i’ve bought decorations galore and spent most of the day on her birthday eve (saturday) making her a homemade cake. i was so excited i woke up at 3am to blow up hundreds of ballons and go food shopping for the dinner i was going to make.
my best friend decided that she wanted to have her bf here for her birthday this year (from sat until we go home for christmas on thursday) so i agreed because it’s her birthday. he has been texting me for a few weeks asking about each and every gift he’s gotten her.
okay setting the scene; it’s her birthday eve (saturday) i’ve spent all day making her cake im covered in frosting and she’s about to go pick her bf up from the station when i get a text saying and i quite “BTW IVE BOOKED A HOTEL FOR ME AND UR BESTFRIEND TOMMOROW AND WERE GONNA HAVE DINNER NEAR THERE” (hotel booked for sunday day and night) reading that message my heart broke the amount of time effort and money i’ve put into her birthday for him to tell me whilst covered in blood sweat and tears that im barely going to see my best friend on her actual birthday, im not even get to go to her birthday dinner. i cried until they got back.
on her birthday i had planed to go to an Italian with the both of them and go to an escape room have some drinks ect to celebrate my bestfriend that i grew up with turning 20.
they proceeded to hang in her bedroom the whole birthday eve (the whole saturday) and i heard nothing from my bestfriend so heartbroken i decided to go to sleep, when i was awoken to loud ass banging on my door an hour before midnight i decided to go back to bed as i could smell of their takeout and i saw a i’m getting takeout message from her bf confirming this i decided that i was no longer going to go and put up all the decorations and i did not want to be apart of this celebration with her bf on her birthday eve anymore even tho its all we had been talking about for months as the only time i was spoken to in the lead up from 6pm till midnight was the hour before assumingly so i could do the decorations and she could open her presents.
I just feel it’s disrespectful for him to sling it on me 4 hours before midnight on her birthday when booking a hotel isn’t a light unthought through plan espc when he hasn’t mentioned anything when asking for my help surrounding her gifts from him.
AITA for not just going into the living room decorating it and hanging out at midnight?
should i decorate later at like 5am now bc everyone is kinda saying im in the wrong ig i am still quite upset but if everyone thinks im a dh i should probably accept that, umm should i decorate later tn so its up for her birthday in the morning or should i just f myself at this point
I don’t know if I even understand this, I get that you’re upset, but the run-on sentences and lack of punctuation make this really hard to sort out.
This is actually concerning 💀 why does she write like that at 20
As a 24 year old, the majority of the youth are very illiterate so it’s pretty on brand for her age sadly.
NTA, she should’ve made it clear what her plans were.
You spent £500 (roughly $1,000) on a single birthday when you’re “broke”? That makes no sense to me at all. Does she return the effort in monetary spending and labour on your birthday? I’m guessing not as she probably would have been upset if you invited your boyfriend to your birthday or if you said no to her boyfriend joining.
Why is your favourite part of the year *her* birthday?
Did she know you were making dinner and a cake on top of spending a ridiculous amount of money? Why was the boyfriend texting you and not your friend?
ESH
You have an unhealthy dependence
Why would her staying at a hotel the next day have any impact on her birthday celebrations?
INFO
Did your best friend know anything about the plans her boyfriend made for her actual birthday? If your tradition is to spend the “birthday eve” together and celebrate at midnight, why is it a problem that he made plans for her actual birthday?
ESH. It’s hard for me to parse all of this, but it sounds like this tradition no longer means as much to your BFF as it does to you. This happens as people get older.
Changing plans last minute wasn’t cool of them, but you could have definitely handled this better and with more maturity. I think. I still barely understand what happened.
Did you tell her boyfriend that you were planning to spend birthday eve with your best friend? Or did you just expect him to know?
Seems weird that you’re making your friend’s birthday about you. You’re young so Im sure this is an adjustment period for you but as you get older your friends are going to start prioritizing or wanting to include their partner in things especially THEIR birthday. If that’s not what you want then that’s your choice and that’s fine but you can’t expect others to want the same thing. It sounds like your friend was making plans and you were making plans and you didn’t really communicate with her while her and her bf were telling you theirs and still at least trying to include you.
I think that ESH. If it was expected that you’d spend the day the same way as always, this should have been discussed and agreed because boyfriends/partners change dynamics and it is absolutely normal
For partners to want to be part of the plans (and there for the actual birthday).
You expecting her to do what you had done with your boyfriend on your birthday was naive, her not communicating that she wanted to do something else was selfish and boyfriend should have been more clear if you guys were texting so much about the birthday prep.
Overall though I think this is normal growing pains and you should understand that you probably won’t spend the day the same way (without prior agreement from everyone at least)
ESH for not communicating expectations.