I showed my friend a couple pair of shorts I was going to buy myself for Christmas,she then offered to buy 1 for me,I told her “nah it’s fine”,then she asked again I still said “nope it’s fine trust me” ,so she then still bought 2 of the shorts I liked so I can have a gift for Christmas. But ever since then she’s been begging me to give her a gift back as well,while reminding me of the shorts she bought me on her own accord,like we’re going tic for tac with gifts.
NTA…Set boundaries now before you end up in a constant pattern of gift giving. Simply tell her that you buy gifts when you’re inspired to, not because you’re obligated.
NTA
But it feels like you have two choices:
Tell her no, and risk the friendship (still NTA).
Buy her something of similar value. But with the caveat that you are doing so because you value her friendship but in future you don’t want to do gifts.
There is a chance that she thought you were dropping hints for a gift. Perhaps not being sincere with the no’s.
And now feels aggrieved, or tricked. So that is driving the behavior.
Not saying she is right. Just an alternative point of view.
NTA. You are not obligated to buy someone a gift, even if they give you one. Gifts are not tit for tat (that is the proper expression of that). If she wanted to buy you a gift then that is good for her, you are not obligated to buy her one in return. Her begging for a gift is just pathetic on her part.
NTA. Gifts are supposed to be reciprocal, but gifts are also supposed to be unexpected and freely given. That’s one of the unwritten rules (in my culture anyone) that makes gift-giving a bit tricky. The benefit is that if you are socially obliged to pretend that each gift is individually unexpected and spontaneous, you don’t ask for gifts, others don’t ask you for gifts, and if you give or receive a gift you don’t really want, you don’t hurt the giver’s feelings by showing that. Your friend missed the bit of the unwritten rules that says that gifts are given spontaneously and not in hope of reward and that the giver NEVER hints or asks for a gift in return, and she thinks you’re missing the bit where the receiver gives another free spontaneous gift in return.
Now, as usual with etiquette, there are ways around this. The easiest and most obvious is to absolutely refuse to accept a gift in the first place if you don’t want to have a gift-giving relationship with that person. It’s too late for that now in your case. So the next option is to end the gift-giving relationship. You can do that by simply not participating (at the risk that the other person is offended, but if they’re polite, they won’t show that and if they’re sensible they’ll realize that for whatever reason you aren’t interested in gift-giving). That’s not working for you. So now you need to make your position clear – maybe by giving her some token gift, but telling her that you will not be gift giving in the future. You can use any number of reasons – you can’t afford it, you are shifting away from physical gifts or consumerism or you hate to feel like you’re taking advantage of her or or under an obligation.
And then never gift her a gift again even if she ignores you and gives you another one.
NTA, but this is super weird, is she trying to flirt with you or something?