Throwaway account as I don’t want anyone to find this post but I really need some advice. A few months ago I was thinking about what to get my friend for their 30th birthday. They’re a huge bug nerd and have a bunch of taxidermy as well as art inspired around this niche interest. As an entomologist my self, I thought that it would be a great idea to gift my friend a tarantula for their birthday as they already have one pink toed juvenile and a cute jumping spider as well. I told my friend about this idea and they were ecstatic, all be it, over the top. We live near a vivarium that has a large selection of live spiders, and I agreed to take them there so that they could get a live viewing and select a spider of their choice. I know that tarantulas could be expensive, but I figured since I was offering to pay as a present they would select one within a reasonable price range. I’ll admit, we didn’t have a conversation before about price, and I know that they could be up to a couple hundred dollars. The day came that we had agreed to go to the vivarium together, and we found our way to the spider section. My friend initially pointed out some of the most basic of arachnids-even some young ones as cheap as 30$ but oh this was where it went south- they saw an old world tarantula and hey these fuckers are literally known for their strength and strong venom but even more so their price point exceeds beyond the hundreds. and fuck i knew i was in for a whirlwind . They were practically salivating over this one specimen a fine mature male that was priced at 3,500. This spider was as intimidating as the price. and let’s be honest as much as I love my friend i’m not catching enough insects or receiving enough grants to fund this little soirée. My friend told me that they were absolutely in love with this spider and honestly I didn’t know what to say. I ended up putting it on my credit card, but I began to sweat buckets as they pulled me over to the enclosure section where they made me buy substrate and a cage with racked the bill to damn near $4,000 dollars. They were so excited, literally grinning ear to ear and kissing me on the cheek. In the moment, I didn’t know what to do. In some ways, I was really happy to give my friend an awesome birthday present. However, upon thinking about it my friend literally gave me a $50 amazon gift card for my birthday and I’m feeling kind of taken advantage of. AITA if I confront my friend about how i’m feeling about this whole interaction? I love them but they’re honestly gloating too much about this interaction and my bank account is crying…
Edit for clarity. I ended up buying them the tarantula bit i’m thinking about asking them to return it or at least pay me back some of the money I spent, hence the title…
Your title said you didn’t buy it but reading the post, you did?
Anyway, your friend is massively taking advantage of your good nature – might have been better to have gone alone and chosen for them, or said beforehand that you’re happy to spend up to X amount so they were clear about it. Not a lot you can do now though so NTA
they said in the comments that “asking for it back” is exactly the same thing as “having never bought it in the first place.”
1. The title isn’t just misleading, it’s straight up the opposite of what happened.
2. Even if your friend agreed, you’re not gonna get anywhere lose to your money back. I think you got a real tough lesson in saying no.
It would be rude to ask to be paid back after you already bought them the gift. But your friend is majorly taking advantage of you, I can’t even imagine asking for a $4k gift from a friend, and you need to take this as a lesson not to offer to buy stuff for them and learn how to say no.
Also, do tarantulas *really* get up to $4k, or did you add an extra 0 there because that sounds ridiculous.
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I can kinda imagine being the friend in this scenario, saying “oooh I want this one!” as basically a joke. Same as I would ask for a pony for my birthday. I don’t actually expect anyone to say yes. I mean, when OP said ok I’ll buy it, I’d double check that they were serious?
You did fucking what??? Why are you such an asshole to yourself?
YTA And your title is misleading. You bought your friend a $4000 spider and now regretting your decision. You now want your friend to pay for their gift.
There is no way, would my CC would have made it out of my wallet. I would have looked at my friend and said, “Sorry, my budget is $100 max. ”
You should go with hat in hand, and say, “I was being a big shot, but I can’t afford $4000 for a gift. Please excuse my AHry. Please, please, please return the spider.
I understand that you didn’t have a conversation before hand about budget (and that was your first mistake) but even reading that price, I said ‘Absolutely not!’ outloud to myself.
You should have IMMEDIATELY shut that shit down right then and there with a simple response of “That is indeed a great tarantula, but not within my budget. Please choose a different, more reasonably priced bug that I can gift you without greatly over extending my finances or causing unnecessary debt.”
I don’t care how confrontational that feels, but that is part of adulting, and you should have absolutely said no.
You didn’t say no when you saw you the price. You didn’t say no when you walked over to the substrate. You didn’t say no as you both walked up to the register to make the final purchase. You have 4K’s worth of buyers remorse and I hope you learned. Asking for money back or an exchange now is pointless and shameful.
ESH; you for not standing up for yourself in the moment, when it was most necessary and the ‘friend’ is TA for choosing the most expensive spider. She fully took advantage of your kindness & you completely agreed to it.
ESH. you can’t take back. gift.
YTA. You made this plan and didn’t give her any limits. When she was looking at that one, you needed to tell your friend that the pet was out of your price range. You made the decision at the time to give her the $4000 gift. To take it back now is mean and rude.
YTA, I’m not going to argue the semantics of your title with you, but you’re an asshole for letting your friend spend so much of your money if you were going to ask for it back.
You’re an entomologist but can’t figure out how to identify a spider on your own?
Why you gotta make shit up in a sad attempt for Internet points?
**NTA, but honestly… why did you let this get that far??**
Your friend *absolutely* crossed a line. When someone offers to buy you a gift, the unspoken rule is you don’t pick the **most expensive, absurdly priced option** unless they explicitly say “money is no object.” A $3,500 old world tarantula is unhinged as a birthday gift unless you’re both wealthy and joking about it.