I, 35F, am an only child. I was a self proclaimed daddy’s girl until around 16-17 when he really started showing his true colors. There had been signs (domestic, weird comments about my friends) but I just thought everything was normal. My cousins all grew up in the same way, so I didn’t have anything else to compare my family to. When I went to college, my dad started seeing another woman. He ended up getting a decent chunk of money and instead of spending it on fixing the house, etc he spend it all on his side piece and her kid. Mom found out but she was trapped (no job, no car, no money) so she didn’t do anything.
A few years later, He started seeing another woman who was only 3 years older than me and had 2 very young kids. Mind you at this point, my parents lost their home and started living with my grandma (mom’s mom).
my grandma was a wonderful woman. SHe went out of the way to make sure I was safe and had everything I needed growing up. She wasn’t rich but she would take every penny she had to help me if my car broke down, or if mom needed something. Even allowed my parents to stay with her while they tried to find another house, all while he trashed her name, cheating on my mom, and even started looking for my grandmas stashed cash. My uncle found out and made him
Leave.
In 2021, my grandma and mom both got COVID. My grandma ended up going to sleep and never waking up. My dad never called to see how I was doing or offer any condolences. Instead he calls me and tells me she deserved everything that happened to her.
These phone calls went on for 3 months at which he continued to say hurtful things and that he is completely innocent in everything. I told him to leave me alone and contacted the police to find out what else I could do. I ended up blocking him. A few months later I find out he was arrested for impersonating a police officer after he texted a neighbor pretending to be a cop when she stopped allowing him to be near her child (an 8 year old little girl). He ended up bailing out.
I haven’t heard from him until today. He made a new FB account and sent me a voice message saying he had a huge heart attack and “died on the table but for some reason came back”. Instead of apologizing for everything he had done, he continues his spiel about how him leaving my mom was my uncles fault, not his cheating. Now I know I’m not a perfect person and it even crossed my mind that he should be glad the hospital didn’t contact me to make any decisions regarding his goals of care. It makes me sick to think that way bc he is my father but after everything he has put my mom and I through, I just don’t care.
Am I going to contact him? No. And I probably never will but if he doesn’t stop trying to reach me… when do I finally give in and try talking some sense into him? I know that talking sense to him isn’t going to change anything, but Why did he have to end up being a bad guy?
NTA. You just need to stop all contact with him. There’s no giving in if you don’t want there to be. Just stop. Accept that he is this way and there’s not a thing you can do to change him, all you can do is remove him from your life and ignore any future attempts he makes. None of his words mean anything.
NTA
NTA. Just tell him he deserves everything that’s happened to him and block him
He didn’t end up the bad guy. After all of this, he’s BEEN the bad guy. If anyone could talk sense into him, he’d have straightened up a long time ago. As I say elsewhere, just because someone reaches out to you doesn’t mean you have to respond. Block, ignore. It sucks but he’s nothing but trouble.
NTA. Block him and live your life stress free.
To put it lightly, your dad is an insanely damaging person to seemingly everyone around him.
In life we are randomly assigned a parent and yeah it sucks that you got the dad you got.
I can’t think of anything that will ever get him to change his behavior in any way. Keep blocking, you can see the damage it does to you every time he successfully reaches out again.
Protect yourself. NTA.
Thank you for that. I was having a great day until I saw his name. I should have never even pushed the play button bc it just infuriated me all over again.
Cheer up! He’s almost certainly lying in order to try and get a response. So you can block him guilt-free. NTA.
NTA. You can’t save everyone, so save yourself.
NTA, but consider if you’ll regret not seeing him one last time, either to tell him off or get some closure.
Nta. Block him. Your dad is a predator
Block him, and if necessary, get a restraining order.
The only other advice I have for you is to periodically ask yourself “if I heard he has died and I haven’t spoken to him in x years, will I be ok?” If you can answer that affirmatively, you’re fine. If you think you will have any residual feelings that you should have given him a chance, or spoken your truths, then do it.
I didn’t speak to my father for 20 years or so and I was fine when he passed. But I did a check in with myself every six-nine months to be sure.
NTA- did he and your mom ever get divorced? If not, she needs a medical directive and will ASAP.
About 10 years ago a friend’s dad cheated on and abandoned her mom. A few yrars later when she unexpectedly got sick he pulled the plug almost immediately and stole everything that was inherited from her own parents(my friend’s maternal grandparents) to give to his mistress. My friend ended up on a bad spot overnight because it was leave or be evicted.
Medical POA was the first thing I did! I work in healthcare and knew if the opportunity ever presented itself that would jump on it. They are not legally divorced sadly. I have printed out the paperwork and prefilled in what I could and all she has to do is sign in and take it to the courthouse but she hasn’t done it yet. If there was a way I could just submit the documents myself I would. I did print out living will paperwork for her after my grandma died and she was supposed to get it notarized but I’m unsure if she ever is. I will have to call her and ask and get this stuff taken care of!