I (22F) and my boyfriend (23M) have been together for a little over a year. Last Christmas, he got me a really sweet sentimental gold necklace that I wear almost every day.
This morning when I went to put it on, the clasp broke. I told my boyfriend about it, and his immediate response was that I should order a new clasp online and fix it myself. While I have no problem doing that, I was a little hurt that he wouldn’t at least offer to have it looked at, contact the jeweler, or at least tell me where he got it from so I could have more information for how to fix it.
When I expressed to him that I would’ve appreciated him offering, his immediate response was to be angry with me and annoyed that he’d have to go through his email to find the jeweler. I don’t think wanting him to offer is super unreasonable, but he was also angry that I was “testing him” by seeing if he would offer or not.
Overall it’s not a big deal and I was able to fix the necklace myself by cutting off a clasp from another piece of jewelry and applying it to the necklace with tweezers (new life hack lol). Maybe wanting him to offer is expecting too much, but it would have been a thoughtful gesture. I’m just sad that his reaction was to be mad at me after telling him that, and I can’t figure out where I went wrong.
YTA Do you always expect him to do everything for you? Maybe he’s just frustrated that you can’t seem to do anything yourself
YTA. It’s a clasp, not a stone or trinket replacement. It was a gift. It’s yours. If it breaks, it’s on you to fix.
YTA. You set an unreasonable standard and then act hurt when he doesn’t meet it. He responded, he made a suggestion on how to fix it. If you want someone to do something then ask them. You clearly wanted him to take it to a jeweler so instead of setting up a scenario where he has to give the response you want or else you get upset, just be forthright and say what you really want. “My clasp broke. Can you bring it to a jeweler?” is not a hard thing to say.
I’m gonna say ESH. If you wanted your bf to get the necklace fixed, you should’ve asked him for that. If you wanted the name of the jeweller so that you could contact them yourself and get it fixed, you should’ve asked him for *that.* Honestly, I’m a little thrown off by you expecting him to offer; gifts aren’t a promise to maintain the item in perpetuity, and typically once they’re given….the ownership and responsibility for them passes to the recipient unless otherwise specified.
Your bf’s anger is a weird overreaction unless you got really aggressive about it, and it’s really not a huge ask to search his email (or his memory) for the name of the jeweller so you know who to contact. But, he’s right. If you mention a problem to somebody with the unspoken expectation that they will solve it for you and then get upset that they didn’t offer you a favor you never asked for….you are, indeed, testing them.
ESH. Being “hurt” that someone didn’t offer to perform a sweet gesture is a you problem. His outsize reaction to your expressing it is a him problem. Both of you could benefit from an open discussion of expectations moving forward. People don’t magically come to share the same relationship expectations without discussion, whether after a year or a decade together. You have to use your words.
ESH I wouldn’t expect him to have it repaired for you but him pushing you to fix it yourself and being so annoyed that he’d have to hunt through emails to find the jeweler information makes me wonder if maybe this necklace isn’t real gold or is far lower quality than he lead you to believe.
YTA – I think it’s unrealistic expectations. Would it be nice if he offered? Sure, but it doesn’t make him an AH if he doesn’t. Did you ask him to fix it? No? Then either ask him or do it yourself imo
YTA for seemingly insinuating he should pay to fix something you broke. Either fix it yourself or find a jeweler to fix it. Any competent jeweler (and most incompetent ones) can replace a clasp.
No one is the AH, but you’re overreacting. I don’t expect someone who bought me a gift to be permanently on the hook for fixing it. That is not a reasonable expectation.
My partner bought me an iPhone last year. It stopped working. Maybe they should pay for it to be fixed also like you?
YTA.
YTA
It wouldn’t have been “unreasonable” for you to fix it yourself. And with something like 20 minutes, you did.
YTA.
Yeah, yeah, it would have been sweet of him to offer. But you can’t expect people to live up to the fantasies you build up in your head for them, especially if you don’t communicate.
If this is a big deal for you, express it. But you might have to find somebody else if your boyfriend doesn’t change — not everybody has the same values, thoughts, or notice the same things. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you — this might just not be how he shows his love. And if that’s a deal breaker for you, express that. If he doesn’t change, walk away.
YTA
You already knew what you wanted, but you didn’t want to ask for it. Where you went wrong was not being direct and saying “Hey sweetie, the clasp on my necklace broke, could you get it fixed for me?”
No, you presented it like “Oh nooo, my necklace broke, what should I do?” and when he responded with a straightforward, practical solution- “Oh, you can get a clasp online and repair it easily.” believing he was being helpful, you actually got offended and hurt.
He’s mad at you because not only do you expect him to read your mind, and that you will punish him with sulks and pouts if he does not, but also because you expect him to wait on you hand and foot and handle the simplest, easiest repairs to YOUR things.