My girlfriend and my mom have birthdays four days apart, so they celebrate the same weekend. Last year caused a big conflict because my mom celebrated Saturday and my girlfriend on Sunday (her actual birthday), and I didn’t make an effort to highlight her bday on Saturday. I wanted to avoid a repeat, so I planned far ahead this year.
I asked my mom if she could celebrate on Sunday because I was planning something for my gf Saturday night. She agreed. My gf initially chose Saturday, so I started planning. When two of her friends said they couldn’t make Saturday but could do Friday, I checked with her and she agreed to switch. I then booked dinner and drinks for Friday.
Over the next few weeks, I kept checking in about her plans. She told me she was off Monday (her birthday) to host family, and that Saturday was tentative at best, possibly a girls’ night, but nothing set. Two weeks ago, she again said nothing was happening Saturday and even suggested I move my mom’s dinner to Saturday if that helped. I told her I didn’t want to keep changing plans.
A couple days ago, my mom asked to move her dinner to Saturday so her friends could attend. Since my gf’s plans were Friday and Monday and she’d said nothing was set for Saturday, I said yes.
When I told my gf, she was upset that I hadn’t checked with her first and said her friends now wanted to go out Saturday. She said she just wouldn’t attend my mom’s dinner. I told her that was fine I couldn’t make my mom change plans again. My mom shouldn’t need my permission to celebrate her own birthday.
Now my gf seems upset and distant, and I think it’s because she feels stuck between plans. I recognize my mistake was assuming Saturday was still free without double-checking, but we were together all weekend before and she hadn’t mentioned any new plans.
NTA. Is she turning 13? Because she is acting like it.
NTA
Your girlfriend also needs to communicate better – when was she going to tell you that the plans for Friday were now on Saturday and bookings had to be changed?
Sounds more like she does not want to celebrate your mums birthday.
Exactly. How many days does the girlfriend need to celebrate her bday?
NTA. She needs to make up her mind and stick to a plan.
Lemme get this straight.
Last year, GF got mad because there was no effort to highlight HER birthday during your MOM’S birthday celebration? When GF had her OWN CELEBRATION the next day?
THIS year, she is again pissed over a day she said she couldn’t do?
Yeah, no. This girl is bad news.
NTA I’d get annoyed by someone repeatedly asking what my plans are if I’d already told them. Adults inform people when plans change. Does she dislike your mom? It seems like she was waiting for you to finalize your mom’s plans just so she could mess them up. I hope she didn’t.
Your girlfriend doesn’t want you to celebrate with your mother at all. That’s why two years in a row,, she’s not happy….even though you went above and beyond to check in with her. While I agree you shouldn’t put your mom first over a relationship, you shouldn’t dump your mom either. You seem to be reasonable in trying to be respectful of everyone’s wishes, but your gf just doesn’t seem to want to share your attention with your mother.
NTA
NTA if I understand the timing. you checked with your gf before moving gf celebration to Friday to accommodate her friends. GF then suggested moving your mom’s event to Saturday. so when you agreed to move your moms event to Saturday your gf announced that the friends who needed to move gf’s party to Friday now want Saturday? and these friends are the ones who previously told you (not your gf) that Friday worked for them?
if that’s the case you have a girlfriend problem- she didn’t tell you Saturday was no longer open. and as for her being upset last year that you didn’t make a big deal on the day before her actual birthday, she’s acting like a child, no I don’t think any child would get upset about not celebrating the day before the birthday.
NTA. But the GF. Just let her go. Permanently. Issues like this WILL get worse.
This was exhausting to read. NTA. Your gf needs to grow up unless she is 12 which I doubt.
NTA. You have two people that you need to accommodate and you did your best. Your girlfriend doesn’t just get to claim her birthday and the days around it and make everyone adjust to it. You were nice enough to give her first choice. She doesn’t get to just make everyone else change their plans just because hers changed.
NTA, and honey, please really think about whether you want to make a life with this lady.
Your gf actually wants you to set aside the whole weekend for her, she is being a diva. She waffled and made you change plans already, when is enough enough?
She is not a child, she needs to grow up.
Wait, last year, your gf celebrated her day on Sunday but was mad at you because you didn’t highlight her day on Saturday? And you’re still with this person who is trying to drive a wedge between you and your mother? I hope you realize that her changing days all over the place is a purposeful attempt to screw things up with you celebrating your mother’s day. OP NTA.