Had to make an account to get a second opinion on this smh.
Anyways, I (20F) had a few friends over for dinner a few nights ago. I enjoy cooking and offered to make a proper meal for everyone. Beforehand, I asked if anyone had any cooking allergies/dietary restrictions or if they had any preferences or request on what I should cook. Nobody mentioned anything so I cooked how I normally cook for myself.
My friend Luna (22F) arrived half an hour early to help me with finishing touches and plating up. As I was getting ready to plate up she said she doesn’t like her food heavily seasoned. Which is understandable but I told her she should’ve mentioned it when I asked if she had any preferences the day before. Anyways, she asked if I could prepare a portion just for her with minimal seasoning.
At that point I’d finished cooking everything and had didn’t have the energy to cook extra portions, so I said no and said she was more than welcome to have most of the sides (rice, garlic bread, and salad) or I’d be happy to order something for her. She seemed annoyed but didn’t say anything.
When everyone arrived and it was time to have our meal, she barely ate and left early. The next day she messaged me saying I was inconsiderate and rude to not accommodate for her taste preferences and she felt excluded.
I completely understand where she’s coming from and maybe I should’ve done more as the host but I feel like I did all I could to accommodate everyone. I don’t host often so I’m not sure if my etiquette was wrong.
My other friends are on my side so I think I basically have my answer but I’d like an outsiders view anyways. So AITA?
You actually did accommodate everyone, she didn’t speak up until after all the cooking had been completed. That’s on her, not on you.
NTA
OP accommodated twice, even. First by checking with everyone, then later by offering to order something.
And the “friend” didn’t even try the food before asking op to cook entirely separately for her after op was already done cooking! She just wanted to be special I’m thinking
nta. you asked for people to tell you their preferences and restrictions beforehand, and she didn’t tell you any until you were literally done cooking (?), this was a very strange thing for her to do and her weird message afterwards takes her very clearly into AH territory.
She’s the rude AH. You gave your guests ample opportunity to tell you of any issues. Not liking “heavily seasoned food” (WTH is that anyway??) is on her. She was a bad guest. She should have tried what you prepared and then pushed it around and just ate sides and made an excuse of “not hungry” or whatever. NTA.
NTA: you absolutely did offer to accommodate her preferences….when you ASKED FOR THEM. Then again when you offered to order her something. She turned down your offers then got mad and blamed at you for her own choice.
NTA, but your friend is rude. I wouldn’t invite her if you host again.
NTA. You asked, she didn’t say anything when asked.
How do people think their friends’ houses are restaurants?? I’ve politely choked down badly undercooked pasta and drunk extra water so I didn’t dehydrate digesting it, discreetly doused food I hate in helpful sauce / lemon juice to swallow it, and graciously slowly savoured the five tablespoons of food an anorexic friend served us across three courses and grabbed a kebab on the way home.
Guests have social responsibilities too.
She’s rude. You don’t ask for an accommodation AFTER the meal has been cooked. You asked about dietary restrictions and she didn’t speak up. That was the time for her to ask for something special, not after the main course was already cooked. NTA
NTA – “I’m sorry you felt excluded. I felt unappreciated and taken for granted when you asked me to make an entire extra meal after I had already spent all that time and energy cooking.”
I’m going to expand on your comment because you are the first one I’ve seen that has said she should actually tell her friend that she was in the wrong. She has nothing to apologize for and starting with “I’m sorry” is the wrong move, in my opinion. I’d say something like “It is unfortunate that you did not make requests when I asked. I would have been more than happy to partition off food for you while cooking.” Then make the statement about how it made OP feel. “I was actually very taken aback that you made such a labor intensive request right as dinner was being served. That lead to me focusing on you sitting at the table and not eating instead of enjoying the fruits of my labor with my friends. It doesn’t seem like this kind of get together works for our friendship.”
Edited to fix grammar 😒
THIS! This entitled person is not a friend.
Let’s be honest here, if your “sorry” is a “I’m sorry you feel that way” there’s no actual apology happening. It’s more of an acknowledgment that they complained about something without actually having to put any effort into consoling or actually apologizing (which I agree is absolutely not needed here, since the friend was in the wrong)
This.
Girl, OP ASKED. Friend said nothing.
That’s not on you OP, your friends should have thought about that when it was brought up to the group.
I can understand not thinking of something and suddenly realise you won’t like it when you see it in front of you, but asking at the last minute was a long shot and OP provided perfectly fine alternatives.
Friend is just butthurt.