AITA for not giving my ex-friend her books back?
Last year (Feb 2025), I (18F) became friends with a girl I’ll call Rachel (17F). She’s a big reader and owns a lot of books. During our friendship, she gave me four books she said she didn’t want anymore. One of them was a duplicate she already owned. There was no mention of borrowing, returning them, or any conditions. She gave them to me as gifts.
Later in the year, after a separate personal situation where she supported me, I began to notice inconsistencies in things Rachel had told me throughout our friendship. After talking to others, I realized she had lied to me multiple times. Because honesty is important to me, I told her I no longer wanted to be friends and tried to cut contact.
After this, Rachel repeatedly messaged me over several weeks despite me asking her to stop. During this time, she demanded the books back and claimed I had “stolen” them, saying they were only meant to be borrowed which was never discussed when she gave them to me. She also made threats, including attempting to blackmail me and making a transphobic comment toward me (she later claimed it was “meant for someone else”).
Eventually, she sent a message saying it was best to “move on,” and I blocked her on everything. I still have the books. I haven’t damaged or sold them, and I didn’t keep them out of spite. I just don’t believe I’m obligated to return gifts, especially after the harassment.
So, AITA for not giving the books back?
NTA. Once given a gift belongs to the recipient. You don’t get to ask for gifts back because a relationship doesn’t work out. Also be aware that claiming you need to X (return books in this way) is a way people try to remain in contact with you.
I mean, you don’t have to but it might give you peace. Then she wouldn’t be able to use the books as a reason to contact you
I don’t think you are an a-hole but are the books worth all that drama?
NTA … but holding on to them is not going to allow you to move on. Every time you look at them, it’s a reminder. Either give them back, donate them to a library that has books sales, or get store credit at a used bookstore. Then buy a book that will add to your life, not hold you back, stuck in limbo. Good luck!
I don’t know if you are or not. I would always return something so simple if a gift or not if it meant an end to harassing and blackmail?
YTA, I feel like this all could’ve been avoided if you just returned the books the first time she asked. She’s ALSO obviously an asshole for being transphobic over a couple of books. However, these are not books that you purchased or have some insane emotional connection to- i think you should’ve just given them back and let it go.
ESH. She may not have said anything about them being on loan; but neither did she say that they were gifts. You’re being petty for not returning them, especially since, from what you write, there’s no evidence that you even plan to read them. This is just about spite and nothing else.
She lied to you, apparently enough times and about seriously enough matters that you thought it best to end the friendship….except for the books.
NTA technically since she gave them to you, but for heaven sakes, just give them back to her.
One question from me: Why didn’t you blocked her at the beginning of the end of your phone etc…..?
Give them to charity after you read them
NTA. From what you described, it seems pretty clear the books were given as a gift, so I don’t think you have to give them back if you don’t want to.
No to giving back. Yes to she can eat boogers.