My job does vacation days by seniority and we submit the bulk of our vacation requests at the same time every year. So you kind of need to plan ahead if you have big plans, or you need to work around the days that are still available after we submit all our leave requests.
When we did this process in March of 2025, I submitted a request for the day after MLK day in January 2026. The day after a holiday is brutal at my job, there is a lot more work to do and you are often stuck there late. I have frequently tried to get the day after a federal holiday off. Lucky me, there was one slot available and I was the only person to request it, so I got it.
Fast forward to December of 2025, and a coworker approaches me and tells me she is getting married. This is top secret info and she is only telling a few people, but she would really like me to let her know if I cancel my vacation day so she can put in for it. She was able to get 6 days off for this secret wedding, but she really wanted my day off also. Ok, that’s fine, I’ll let you know. I could tell she was expecting me to immediately agree because she seemed kind of dejected. A day or two later she tells me she doesn’t want it anymore. I said ok, I probably wasn’t going to cancel it anyway. She said she thinks I would have because it’s a big deal.
After this our relationship at work was about the same still. Which is to say, I hardly know this woman and we’re not friends or anything. Just cordial coworkers. Not long after the vacation day request there was a point where we were being forced to work overtime based on our seniority level. She was first in line and I was second. She asked me if I would trade spots with her because she had something going on after work and I said I didn’t want to do that. After that point she has stopped talking to me entirely. A couple of my other coworkers seem a little standoffish towards me now also, I can only speculate that it is because of something she said but I don’t know for sure.
Look, I’m not doing anything on my vacation day. I just don’t want to work that day. I put in for that day off almost a year ago. And I didn’t want to work overtime that other day either, but I don’t have a ton going on. I just flat out didn’t want to. Maybe I should have tried to help my coworker out more?
AITA for not cancelling my vacation day and not working the overtime for my about to be newlywed coworker?
NTA. Maybe if you’re getting married in January don’t wait until December to book your time off lol.
NTA. The company is the asshole for artificially creating this stupid system where two employees can’t take one single day off at the same time.
And for forcing people to plan their leave a year in advance. Ridiculous.
However, I think OP is technically in the right but still an AH for not giving up the day off.
NTA but people are being standoffish because you’re presenting yourself as someone who’s not a team player or willing to be helpful in a bind.
Not wanting to switch the day was fine. Not wanting to switch spots for overtime… eh? That’s a bit different. You’re fine to not want to accommodate but just know you won’t receive many favors from your coworkers in the future.
NAH. But at the same time, don’t expect anyone else to do any favors for you around the office.
If you get a reputation in your workplace as the person who never helps anyone else out even when they could, then you’re going to have zero social capital to draw on in the event that you need help from others.
#NTA for not giving up your time off, BUT your starting to exhibit a pattern that you won’t be helpful at all.
In the future if something happens and you need a shift covered, be ready for people to turn you down as you don’t seem like a team player at this point.
It’s one thing to say no to a pre-arranged time off request as you’ve done it far in advance. Saying no to a shift cover right after starts to show that you don’t want to go out of your way at all. Ever.
At least that’s what it looks like to outsiders. They might see it as a pattern and they are not going to want to go out of their way for you if you ever need the help
Well, I hope you never need anything from a coworker.
Officially NTA but not a great coworker either.
NTA, you don’t owe anyone else anything
At the same time, don’t expect people to do you any favors either
People are being standoffish because they don’t particularly like you.
You’re perfectly within your rights to be unwilling to change your nonspecific plans to do nothing to help out someone who has plans to do something specific at a particular time. You’re allowed to do that.
Other people are within their rights to see you do that and think that you’re not a person they like very much or want to interact with when they aren’t obligated to. They’re allowed to do that, too.
You don’t owe anyone consideration. They don’t owe you cordiality.
Yeah, this reads as one of those classic AITA posts where the OP isn’t technically breaking any rules and is completely within their rights to act as they want, but the question isn’t “am I acting within the rules”, it’s “am I the asshole” and I don’t fully understand the apparent consensus that he’s not. It’s about disregard for the social contract more than for the employee handbook here. No, I guess you don’t owe anybody anything, but if you’re strictly never willing to mildly inconvenience yourself (moving a flexible PTO day or some overtime hours when you had nothing specific planned) so that somebody else doesn’t get majorly inconvenienced (cutting a honeymoon short, canceling existing plans at the last minute) then YTA. Life is nicer for everyone if you occasionally put others first.
that’s exactly right. sure, you’re not breaking the rules, & you don’t owe anyone anything, but … uh … yeah, bro, that’s an asshole move. don’t even get me started on the “LaCk Of PlAnNiNg On YoUr PaRt” people. there’s a huge difference between human kindness/community respect and obligation, and the two get confused on here often by people who have seemingly never happily coexisted with others
Everyone wants a village and for everyone to be considerate to them, yet everyone also wants to live by “I don’t owe anyone anything”.
The social contract, the a village requires consideration, empathy, and sometimes inconvenience, and that *goes both ways*.
“I probably wasn’t going to anyway.”
This is where YTA: this was completely unnecessary.
You’re not obligated to switch, but it’s a kindness you could have extended. But telling her you’re going to wash your hair* is kind of a d*ck move,, even if it’s true.
*not literal, just what it sounds like to an observer.
She told you she didn’t need it anymore. It was definitely excessive to say “Fine, I wasn’t gonna cancel it anyway.” Why does it matter at this point to tell her that you wouldn’t help her? That’s an AH statement.
The not giving her the day/changing the OT isn’t an AH move. You requested it first.