Today my grandmother asked me to give her my aunts phone number to day so she can get back in contact with her. My aunt is my grandmother’s daughter and they haven’t spoken in a couple years. They basically hate each other and that hate is probably more on my aunts side.
I told my grandmother that I cant give it to her because she wouldn’t like that and I dont want her to basically hate me for it. She said ok but I could tell thay she wants happy with it. I know my aunt would definitely not like me giving her phone number to the person that she doesn’t so I didn’t do it. But my grandmother is upset about this and it makes me feel guilty in a way, like I should’ve done it because their mother and daughter but it would not be good to do so.
If they were to get in contact it would a lot of drama and I would be caught in the middle, even if I wasnt caught in the middle I’d be hearing from my grandmother a lot of awful things that I dont want to hear.
So reddit, AITA for not giving my Aunts phone number to my Grandmother?
NTA. The proper thing to do now is to let your aunt know that your grandmother was asking you for her number. Then if aunt wants to get in touch with her – she can. And you can stay out of it.
This!
NTA, and not fair you are in the middle.
This is very simple for all future reference…all you do is to the the person (your aunt) whose number someone wants, and ask ‘grandma wants your number, can I give it to her’?
Never be the one to share information that isn’t yours to share.
You did the right thing.
It’s not your place to hand out someone else’s phone number to *anyone* without consent. NTA
My guess is that your grandmother has other options for trying to get her number, and that she’s leaning on you because she sees you as the weakest link.
You should probably let your aunt know that your grandmother is asking for it, just so she’s forewarned in case your grandmother gets it from someone else.
I don’t give it numbers to anyone unless it’s approved by the person who’s number of requested. Even if it’s family.
Unless I know you guys are in touch and it’s an “I lost my phone” type of situation, I’ll check first. I’m consistent with it, so everyone understands the drill and respects I would do it on their behalf as well.
NTA, if aunt doesn’t want to be contacted by GM it would be wrong of you to facilitate contact. And it’s wrong of GM to pressure you and put you in that position.
I suggest that just to make it official and get maximum CYA, you should tell your aunt about GM’s request and ask her whether she would like you to give the number. If she says yes, then fine. If she says no, then you can tell GM, “I asked her and she said no,” which is stronger than “I don’t think she’d want me to.”
Tell grandma you have to get permission from her daughter first. That’s the only answer. Don’t bring it up anymore. Let’s see if she does. Stay out of it if you can. Families are difficult.
Stay out of it
NTA. You made the right call here. I can’t help you with the guilt, but it’s misplaced. You made the right call, and even though it is upsetting to your grandmother, you’ve spared your aunt the surprise of a call from someone she has cut contact with.
There’s a follow up you can offer your grandmother that might alleviate some of the guilt you feel, and that’s to tell your aunt that your grandmother wants her phone number to talk to her. Your aunt may be a little upset to hear it, but hopefully she’ll be relieved that you knew better than giving the number out. It might be important that she know that your grandmother is trying to find her phone number too. Your aunt may want to remind other people not to share it with her. Your aunt may also be willing to talk to her if she knows she’s reaching out, and you could give your grandmother’s number to your aunt (if she doesn’t have it already).
None of those things are required though. You’re fine with what you’ve done in clear conscience.
This is the way
I’m not going to say NTA because that would insinuate your grandma IS an AH and she’s not.
What you do in these situations is you offer to give grandma’s phone number to your aunt. If your aunt reaches out, she does; if she doesn’t, she doesn’t. And it’s still none of your business.
NTA; but you could ask your grandmother if it’s okay for you to give her phone to your aunt.
NAH. It’s OK for your grandmother to ask and for you to say no.