I(25F) have been good friends with Carmen(26F) since 2020. We lived together for a few years and bonded over a lot. We were both boy crazy and were always talking to each other about a guy we liked because our mutual friends would get bored of the subject. We had alot of similar interests and talents. A few months in I noticed a weird feeling of competitiveness from her. She was doing alot of one upping during our conversations and with others. I was put off by it and got defensive a few times but I got used to it. People noticed including mutual friends and my sister. My sister would ask why I was friends with someone who made so many backhanded comments and tried to prove me wrong and outdo me. Carmen is a good friend in many ways so I just accepted that this was a personality quirk. In 2021 she moved to a state that was 14 hours away. I started dating my husband in Jan of 2022. She started dating a guy in May of 2023. I was excited for her. We had talked on the phone and I made an offhand comment about her being at my wedding. She asked how I knew I would get married first, and without thinking I said that I just assumed I would since she hadnt been dating for very long. Fast forward to October 2023. I had just gotten engaged and Carmen and her bf were coming to visit. I was excited to ask her to be a bridesmaid and she said she wanted to help me with a vision board for my wedding. The night before we were supposed to meet up her bf proposes. Suddenly she didn’t want to talk about me anymore. She barely mentioned my engagement and instead wanted to talk about her plans. I wanted to be supportive. I took her to go wedding dress shopping and I ended up doing her hair and makeup as well as taking their engagement pictures. I didnt see too much of her for the rest of her visit. I did to ask her to be my bridesmaid and tell her my wedding date (April 13, 2024). I was a little disappointed with the visit but she was excited and I understood how it could take over since it was fresh. A couple months later over the phone she tells me who she asked to be her bridesmaids. I’ll admit I was a little hurt that I was not chosen since she was in my bridal party but I know it can be a hard decision. Then she told me her date: March 30, 2024. 2 weeks before mine. She also asked me to sing during their first dance at their wedding. I have bad stage fright and she added that I wouldnt get to practice with the guitarist that was supposed to accompany me. I said I would consider it. I planned on going but after a few weeks I told her I couldn’t sing at her wedding since I didnt feel prepared. A few months later I told her that I didn’t think I would be there at all. I wasnt handling wedding planning well and I was a nervous wreck. I couldnt imagine leaving two weeks before my wedding to drive 14 hours alone while having no vacation time left at my job due to my honeymoon. I felt awful about that and still do. Shes made several comments in the months since. AITA?
NTA you should cut this person off, they’ll always be competing with you and trying to one up you no matter the price.
NTA. She is being unreasonable to expect you to attend her wedding so far from your home, 2 weeks before your own.
Why?
She is not your friend don’t feel guilty
It’s been almost two years. After you said you weren’t going to her wedding, did she attend yours? Was she a bridesmaid? Did she do her bridesmaid duties?
Did OP get the years wrong?
I would use this opportunity to cut her off.
NTA
She had shown you who she is. Believe it and live your life OP.
NTA she’s likely planning this whole thing to one up you, so don’t feed into it. She didn’t select you to be a bridesmaid, and schedule her wedding 2 weeks before yours, there’s no possible way you can go. Don’t feel awful about it, and use this opportunity to let this friendship fade a bit, because you’ve seen her true nature now. Not everyone is meant to be in our lives forever.
NTA sounds like growing apart pains to me. It’ll be fine
NTA – she considers you the competition, not a friend. Save your nerves, vacay time, and guilt. Focus on your own special day and enjoy!
You have the power to remove yourself at anytime from her circus – I think you know deep down where this is heading with her and what you need to do …… protect your peace and take a step back. She’s obviously got a bit unhinged along the way.
Step away. People change or reveal there true Colors. Clearly she is not a real friend. Stop trying to understand. She is not worth it. Have a beautiful wedding.