I (21F) moved in with my best friend (we’ll say Sam, 22F) for college, and we’ve lived together for two semesters. Lately, I’m wondering if I’m overreacting or if she’s genuinely being inconsiderate.
A few months ago, I started dating a guy I’d known for over a year. At first, everything was fine and we all hung out together. Over time, Sam started distancing herself from me. She stopped asking me to do things and says it’s because I’m “always with my boyfriend,” but when I try to make plans with just her, she still says no. I’ve asked multiple times if my relationship bothers her, and she always says it doesn’t.
Recently, after a Pilates class, our other friends started talking about plans I hadn’t heard of. It turns out they made a group chat I wasn’t in. Sam said she made the chat and that I was in it, but I wasn’t. She added me two days later after the plans were set. When I asked questions, she got annoyed and told me to “look in the chat,” but I couldn’t see anything from before I was added.
There are also ongoing issues with boundaries and consideration. Sam struggles financially and, despite her having a job (I don’t), I’ve paid for shared groceries, toiletries, and supplies without asking her to split costs. We recently agreed she’d buy her own food, but she still eats mine. She also leaves bras and underwear on my side of the room, doesn’t clean dishes (which are mine), and often expects me to wash hers if I’m already doing mine.
The most uncomfortable situation happened a couple nights ago. My boyfriend and I were doing homework late and accidentally fell asleep. Sam came home around 2am. We had woken up and my boyfriend was going to leave, but Sam started changing right in front of us. I covered my boyfriend’s eyes because we were shocked. The next morning, I asked if she could change in the bathroom or at least let us know so we could leave the room. I also told her that if my boyfriend being in our room ever bothered her, I wouldn’t invite him over at all. She said it didn’t bother her. Despite that, she brushed it off, said she thought we were asleep, that it didn’t matter because it was dark, and later told me, “I pay $600 a month for this room too, so I’ll change wherever I want.”
I ended up saying that we’ll leave the room whenever she wants to change, but I feel like I’m always the one adjusting. She often kicks me out of the bathroom while I’m getting ready (making me late), locks it for long periods, and doesn’t give me the same consideration I give her. At this point, I feel taken advantage of and pushed aside, but I don’t know if I’m being overly sensitive. So, AITAH for being upset and feeling like my boundaries aren’t being respected, or am I being so sensitive?
No you’re not she’s weird as hell and sounds jealous
NTA at all!! She’s literally being difficult and taking advantage of you. She might be jealous, or she might just miss having you to herself. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s never easy in these situations.
NTA. What’s her problem? She doesn’t seem like much of a friend.
I agree. I wouldn’t be surprised if she moved out when your lease is up. It doesn’t seem like she really likes you.
From what you said here, she is acting a little strange. It does sound like she’s excluding you.
It also sounds like it’s not you she has a problem with but your boyfriend. And I think it might be worth having a honest and frank discussion to find out if there’s a reason she has a problem with him. It might be something important for you to know before you become too emotionally attached.
That said, if she has a problem with him, she should’ve told you. And as a friend she should have let you know if there is an issue surrounding him that might affect you being in a relationship with him.
Your relationship seems strained anyway, so if talking makes matters worse, then it’s only speeding the inevitable.
So **NTA**, but worth asking some questions.
Never a good idea to room with people you know before college. Better to just go in blind.
Seems like she likes your boyfriend typical attention seeking behavior done by women who likes your boyfriend. Or maybe you? Regardless it’s not normal you aren’t in the wrong.
NTA. And firv hat it’s worth, that was a classic “looking for a 3some” move she pulled there.