I am in my teens and my mother organised for us to go to a place where you could meet Santa Claus for Christmas (for my younger siblings- not me), with many other areas along with it. Once we got in the line she took a photo of my 2 siblings- then tried to take a photo of me. We were waiting outside the venue before actually seeing santa and that’s when she asked to take a photo of me.
It’s important to note that I have ASD and feel extremely uncomfortable when my picture is taken. I can’t explain t very well- but it feels like a mix of embarrassment, cringe, and awkwardness.
So I refused to do so- and when I did, she got VERY angry- but didn’t show it as we were in public.
But when we got home, she immediately took away my phone, PC, etc for "ruining the day for everyone". And expressed that she will never take me to a family event again.
I did take a picture with Saint Nick later- as much as I didn’t want to.
AITA??
NTA because you should be able to choose to consent to your photo being taken or not.
I wanted to note that you and your mother didn’t have the same expectations for how the day was going to work out. She’s disappointed which is coming across as anger.
Perhaps sit her down and explain why you don’t want any more photos with Santa (you’re now a teen and you don’t cope well with photos). Hopefully she’ll be empathic and adjust her expectations going forward.
OP didn’t say they were asked for a photo with Santa. Just a photo waiting in line. The conversation they need to have is slightly different.
NTA!
I get your mom wanting a cute picture with you with Santa. Even if you’re in your teens a lot of parents really like those pictures to look back on. However, you’re old enough to decide for yourself if you want the picture taken or not. Given everything you said, I feel like your mom was absolutely entitled to ask if you’d be willing to, but not entitled to demand you do it and then punish you for saying no. She’s allowed to be disappointed that you said no, but punishing you and getting angry are not okay. You don’t have to take pictures with Santa.
NTA – You were uncomfortable, she didn’t respect that boundary.
I’m a photographer, and if someone doesn’t want their photo take, it isn’t taken. If I take it, and they don’t like it, it’s deleted.
Perhaps everyone could have handled this better, but again, your mother didn’t care about your being comfortable or not, and only cared about\* the photo. Which may now just be a lasting reminder of a bad event.
I think, many years from now, it’s going to be sad for her and probably for you to look back and realise you don’t have any photos of things you did together as a family. My mother avoids family photos and I’m having that sad realisation now going through albums and not seeing her in any of them. I don’t really like being in photos either, but because I’ve had that realisation I’ll try to agree to it more and do it for the long-term and for other people. It’s still my choice though and not an obligation. Your mother won’t even have positive memories without the photos now because she decided to have such a ridiculous overreaction. NTA.
Kind of an a. She just let your mother take the pictures. It’s not like she asked you to sit on Santa‘s lap. Pictures equate to memories and your mom just wants to be able to look back and remember the time that she spent with her children.
NTA A teen should not be expected to take photos typical of small children. Part of adolescence is learning to set boundaries for yourself. Your mother should expect that and respect your choices as long as they are not harmful. She should definitely not be punishing you for making such a decision. I hope she changes her mind once she cools down.
She is also partially at fault here for not making her expectations known earlier so that you could voice your objections in a non-public place and avoid embarrassment for you both.
You’re definitely not the AH in this situation.
I somehow understand your mum’s frustration but she is an adult and should have handled this better.
I assume she was worried about your behaviour affecting your younger siblings belief on Santa or something like that.
ESH
She overreacted when you got home but clearly this is an ongoing situation; all she wanted was a picture to remember this experience. If I am reading your post correctly, she did not ask you to take a photo with Santa, it was just a photo in the line. What’s wrong with a photo of you on a day out with your mom and siblings for you all to look back on one day?
One day you’ll look back and wish that you had these photos you refused to be in. Most people feel awkward and uncomfortable in photos especially as a teen. But I’d rather have my awkward teen photos that make me smile now then remember all the photos I refused to be in because I felt awkward.
Edit: Clarification
Softly YTA ASD doesn’t mean you should avoid things that make you uncomfortable. It’s important that you work on those things. There will probably come a day where you realize you missed out on things because you didn’t try harder to do uncomfortable things.
NTA
NTA. Your mother is the one who needs to grow up.
My dad hated pictures. He’s dead now, and I only have 4 poor quality photos of him.
Take that how you will.