Strong title, I know. But I promise it’s relevant.
I’ll start with some context. My mom is one of eight children, none of whom can read or write. They are all high school graduates somehow. I don’t know. But they graduated in the late 60s-the late 70s. I’ll be changing their names here.
I, (34f) still live with family (my uncle specifically, Edward, 64), as we are largely very poor and living in a major city. Ever since I was a child, it’s been my job to read paperwork, bills, etc. I distinctly remember my family all getting together in the living room to listen to me read a phone bill.
I have worked in tech support in the past, so those kinds of issues fall on me, too. Computers, phones, audio systems- you name it, it’s my job to fix it. It’s gotten to a point where they don’t even ask anymore, they just leave things on the kitchen table for me to find like it’s homework or something. I’m expected to read/sign/fix whatever it is, and if I don’t get to it promptly enough, I get harassed. They will literally hold out a piece of paper for me to read and stop me on my way to the bathroom.
Anyways, this past weekend really pissed me off. I stayed home alone for Thanksgiving, because I could already smell the paperwork and I could see the stack of laptops waiting for me. My aunt (Cindy, 70) was hosting the festivities, and Edward had gone over to see her. To be clear, Edward and Cindy are siblings- my mom’s brother and sister.
Cindy drives Edward back home, and I’m called from my room. Cindy is putting away some of the Thanksgiving leftovers, so of course, I go over to say hello to her/help her move things into the fridge. The literal second that I’m done, Cindy hands me two iPhones that she’s locked herself out of. I try for about 30 minutes, but she claims she doesn’t remember any passwords, so I can’t help, but I tell her to wait until she has access again (she was locked out for 4 days) and I’d happily go over to take another look. She looks pissed, but says ok.
Now, here’s where it gets funny. My birthday is December 1st. Thanksgiving has always been prioritized, and my family always spends too much on food to get me anything. I always hear the “it’s too close to Christmas, I’ll get you something then” line. Except I don’t ever get anything on Christmas, either. My birthday is totally ignored.
This year I took offense to that, as I had helped plan a surprise party for Cindy’s 70th in July.
The day before my birthday (this being Sun 11/30), my uncle Edward hands me a check to fill out while I was eating. No one had bought me so much as a cupcake for my birthday, and that hadn’t gone unnoticed by me. The check was to be filled out with Cindy’s full name, and the address of the payee. I said no, as without her express permission, that is illegal, and I told them they need to start handling things on their own.
Cindy did not call me for my birthday like she always does, and Edward gave me a half assed ‘happy birthday’ as I walked past him.
AITA?
Wtf you changing names for given the subject?
NTA
NTA
It sounds to me like you have been incredibly patient. Can I assume you have attempted to teach them a few minor things, like how to sign their name or maybe even how to write the numbers on a check? I know that wouldn’t solve the whole issue, but it would at least eliminate the legal part of asking you to sign names to checks.
I wonder what they would have done without you? Are you the only child in the family or is there at least one more to share the responsibility?
Oh, and 🎈 🎂HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 🎂🎈
you didn’t get a cake the day before your birthday? Not your birthday?
Happy Birthday! 🎉🎂 I’m sorry you have to deal with such selfish people. They really need to get one of those old hooked on phonics sets and learn to read for themselves. Are they not ashamed to be so dependent on another person for such important matters in their own lives? What would happen if you suddenly went to the hospital or something?
How do they have the ability to drive and have a license if they don’t know how to read ?
ESH. They have been ungrateful for decades, it sounds like. Completely thoughtless! Sorry your birthday wasn’t a priority for them.
But staying illegally in your uncle’s section 8 housing is really awful (especially given that I’m sure you know he didn’t read the section 8 policies) and could very well result in both of you becoming homeless.
It’s also pretty dumb to bite the hand that feeds you (or in this case, houses you)!
NTA This is not going to be as easy as just saying no as disappearing. While you could do that, your family is going to quickly start being homeless and that will be its own problem. I suggest letting them know that you are going to no longer be their go to and set them up with case workers. If they have Medicaid or Medicare they are entitled to social workers and this kind of thing is exactly what they do. If your family doesn’t want them, then they can choose not to, but you haven’t abandoned them and you can go out clean.
I’ve tried pointing them in the direction of case workers, but they insist that it’s not their job and that these workers can’t help. They get pissed at me for even suggesting it.
I have plans to leave next year, assuming I actually qualify for the military (I have bad vision), and I’ve warned them of this in advance.
NTA but this sounds like weaponized incompetence. There are adult reading classes in the world. I think your family needs to take some.
There are definitely some cultural things at play here that I do not understand, so I apologize for my ignorance. But…what are you doing? Is this your life to live or to live for these family members? I think these family members are assholes, and I think you’re an asshole to yourself.
I get that culturally it’s acceptable to live at home well into your 40s but why would you want to? Is there no way you can rent your own place? A room? Rent space from a friend? This seems like a fairly unpleasant way to live. Maybe not the worst but not the best either.
Info, please
Where do you live that only 1 person in the whole family can read & that 1 person be in IT?