My in-laws have invited (forced) us to go on a family cruise for a week. It’s going to be them, (70s) plus brother and sister in-law (40s) and their 2 kids (13 and 10). We have 2 kids (8 and 3).
They’ve put pressure on my wife for us to go. My wife has then put a shit ton of pressure on me to go. Now that fact is, I’m going to go, there’s no way I’m avoiding that. But I’ve told her that this going to be one of the worst weeks of my life, I’m going to be absolutely miserable and I’m not going to pretend that I’m happy about this. Here are my reasons why:
Our 3-year-old (Let’s call him Tim). The boy is right in the middle of his defiance stage and he only listens to me. I’d say about 75% of the time he does what I ask him (go pee, time for dinner, eat your dinner, time for school) The other 25% is a battle. It’s exhausting but it’s part of being a parent. All of my in-laws have made it clear they will not be watching him at any point in time on the cruise, which is understandable, it’s their vacation, why spend it babysitting. But therein lies my point. You’re making me go, and making me bring Tim, and now I have to watch Tim for 5 fucking days non-stop, while the rest of you have yourselves a delightful vacation. I’m going to be in the kiddie pool, or the playground or whatever dogshit they have on cruises bored out of my mind trying to get Tim to go to dinner, eat his dinner, take a nap, go to bed, get up… This is hell.
My in-laws are aware of all of this but they don’t care and will continue to force my wife to force us to come. Family memories are great, but we’re not going to do ANYTHING as a family. The seniors will do senior stuff, the 13 year old will play basketball, the 8 and 9 year olds have no common interests so the 9 year old will be in the gaming room or whatever, and the 8 year old will be watching a movie or play or whatever. This will leave me and Tim in the kids section. The only time we’ll actually be together will be meals (Where everyone will intrude on my parenting to convince Tim to eat his dinner. I will have to tell them to stop talking to him and get mad at everyone because they only make things worse).
The last trip they forced us to go on was an all inclusive with NO KID ACTIVITIES when our 8-year-old was 3. She was bored out of her mind and threw hourly tantrums. Turns out she got/had an ear infection. I got strep throat and both of us spent the 4 days in the hotel room miserable, while everyone else got to frolic around and have fun.
So now we’re doing this shit again….
TLDR: My in-laws are making us go on a family cruise. My 3 year old is defiant and I’m the only person he listens to so I’m going to spend the cruise chasing him around and being miserable, while everyone else has a good time. I’m going to go but I’m not going to pretend that I don’t hate every minute I’m stuck on this floating prison.
Where is your wife in all this? You write about a past vacation where you were in charge of your (then) 3 y/o daughter and now you have a son of the same age who listens to you probably more than his mom.
Childcare on this trip or any trip shouldn’t be the sole responsibility of one parent. If your wife doesn’t step up and help you with the kids at any time, you need to speak up and refuse to go
If you’ve already decided the trip will be bad, then of course it will be. If her parents want you there then have them watch the kids at least one day/evening so you can have couples time.
If you continue to complain and stew about it, then YTA.
I was coming to say the same. OP sounds salty about the last trip and getting sick which wasn’t the in-laws fault. Just tell your wife you’re not going but she’s welcome to take the kids and have fun. Then you can have a vacation OP. And your wife can handle your three year old. Sometimes they don’t want to listen but if it’s only to one parent, there is more to it than being a threenager. Might be worth looking at WHO does the majority of the parenting of the three year old. If your wife isn’t helping, she needs to step up. Now, if she did it all with your older one and now it’s your turn, that’s different. Regardless though, you need to be on the same page as parents because until you are, you will be miserable and resentful OP.
They aren’t actually holding a gun to your head. Stay home with Tim, let them be pissy about it.
Also, positive redirection is your friend. (Please keep your feet on the floor. Great job!) So are guided options (Would you like to put your clothes on now, or in 1 minute? Would you like to wear the red shirt or the grey one?) They simplify life with 3 year olds, who are desperately wanting to have control over anything. So give them choices that offer control, but within parameters you can manage.
Youre an adult with 2 children. Nobody can force you to do anything.
Grow up, say you are not going and thats that.
OR
– walk infront of a bus and spend a few weeks in a hospital bed.
– Lose your passport
– Have an affair and tell everyone.
/r/unethicallifeprotips, and I’m here for it 👏🏼
Make the kid everyone’s problem. Hang around them non stop and when little Timmy tantrums, stand back and smile and say “isn’t he cute, he’s overwhelmed on our big family vacation is all!” Let him stream through dinner. Bring him to those senior activities. “awe he wants the bingo dauber, you should let him mark the numbers!” Lmao let the kid be a menace and never get invited back.
But also OMG people who care about him and his family want to have him go on a lovely trip and he will have to parent and he doesn’t know how to have fun, so let us bust out the worlds smallest violin for him.
Also can you imagine how he will feel when he wants to spend quality time with his kids and their kids in decades and they tell him to F off? Karma has a way of getting you back long after you stopped looking for it.
YTA for regarding consistent parenting as a chore so terrible that it will ruin your entire week and turn your life into a living hell, particularly when you have a three year-old who will listen to you 75% of the time. Many three year-olds never listen that well, and there are parents all around the world who spend 24/7 parenting their children NOT on a cruise, in a pool, with a shit attitude.
As a mom of a teen who was a menace at 3, I agree with OP. I would’ve HATED being stuck on a cruise with her at that age.
Did they hold a gun to your head or are they planning to march you at spear point onto the cruise ship?
FFS, say No and mean it. Stop arguing, justifying and waffling. No is a complete sentence. Live with their sulking and pouting afterwards and ignore it, but your plan to go on the bloody thing and do your own sulking and pouting on it is a strategy your three year old might come up with.
Grow up, and use your words like an adult. N T A for not wanting to go, but YTA for how you’re dealing with this.
Also I dont believe OP is the full time parent for the 3 year old at home just because he only listens to OP. Im sure OP doesnt do 100% of any and everything related to his 3 year old while the wife is never there. Why does it have to be different in a cruise? Ia the wofe never going to be with her son? OP talks as if he hates his son and if the wife is never going to be around (which I ver much doubt) then she hates him too. Cruises also have kid clubs you can leave your kid at and then both you and your kid get to enjoy activities seperately and beyond that there are many things for the kid to enjoy in the cruise. YTA or this is made up.
ESH
Stop using the word “forced”. Unless they had a literal gun to your head, you weren’t *forced* to do shit. Grow up and learn how to set a basic boundary.
Sounds like you’ve decided to be miserable. Even if the trip goes brilliantly, you will be miserable because that’s what you’ve decided to do.
You’re a grown adult. Your in-laws are not forcing you to do anything. You have chosen to take the route of giving in to your wife’s family wanting to take a family vacation.
You do realize that cruises have child care, right? You can drop your son off at kid’s play and relax at the pool, have fun, enjoy your time, and then pick him up later. Same with your older child. Maybe you should look into that.
You’re acting like a teenager being dragged along on a family trip. It’s time to grow up.