To preface I’m not good friends with this guy. We worked together a few years ago and got along well and we are both involved in an organization in different cities so from time to time will text about that but it’s really far in between. I haven’t seen him in years.
Recently he started texting more seeming interested in meeting up to catch up. I found it a little odd but maybe he’s feeling nostalgic?
He was pretty persistent and at one point sent a selfie of himself in his daily life, waiting for a reply. I didn’t respond. Finally I’d locked in an event that we could both attend to catch up at and he was persistent about “or we can meet up somewhere else.”
I brushed it off as I don’t really want to go to this event either but sure, until he sent another text saying he wants to catch up and connect / introduce me to his wife. At this point I’m annoyed, maybe not rightfully so, because it wasn’t framed as a question, just something he was going to do. I have no interest in meeting his wife. I’m fine with two friends catching up and having a drink at an event but now I’m struggling to find a way to say no even though it feels like he hasn’t done anything wrong; either way I do not want to meet his wife and now don’t want to catch up at all.
AITA?
It honestly sounds like this guy wants to propose a threesome or something. If that’s not up your alley, just say your plans have changed and you’ll get back in touch when your schedule frees up. Then block him.
NTA
Dudes probably lonely and struggling to make new friends at this point in his life.
Either that or they want you to help make a baby.
Ngl, my first thought was “this guy wants you to sleep with his wife while he watches.”
NTA. It honestly sounds like you don’t really want to see him at all, never mind the wife. Shut it down. If you want an excuse, just say you can no longer do event, it’s a busy time of year, happy holidays (and leave the rest of his texts on read).
INFO: are you female, by chance?
This reads like he’s interested in you.
It’s all just really weird. If it were me, I’d cancel the meet up and never respond again.
I think they’re looking for a third for a threesome and OP is far enough removed to be pursued, hence being pushy.
I agree with this question. As a guy, I have never sent a selfie to a guy (or a women other than my wife, but I’ve been married since before cell phones had cameras). I can’t imagine sending a selfie to a work acquaintance when asking them to meet up for a drink without any secondary intentions.
NAH! It sounds like this guy is putting himself out there trying to cultivate a friendship that you’re not really interested in. I would just politely decline. He’s not an A for putting work into making friends (it’s hard, adult friendships do take effort and willingness to reach out) but he will become an A if he doesn’t respect your boundaries.
Technically NTA. You shouldn’t feel forced into hanging out with people if you don’t want to.
However, based on this post alone, I cannot imagine begging to hang out with someone who seems so bothered by basic efforts to maintain friendship.
You keep calling him a friend when he is not.
Children learn from a young age to say no.
Try it.
Info: why did he send a selfie?
He and his wife are looking for a 3rd
No idea. I was updating him on the event and that I didn’t have details yet and he sent me a pic of him stating “I’ll be waiting here” and it was a shirtless pool selfie. I didn’t know how to respond as we aren’t texting friendly at all besides a check in every few months regarding the organizations we are a part of.
Bruh
In my opinion, he sounds like a guy that does not have a lot of friends and he sees some commonality between you and him and he’s putting himself out there to be friendly with you. He’s probably mentioned you to his wife, which is why he’d like to introduce you to her as well.
The picture thing is odd though. Maybe he does want to hit it. 😄