She used to smoke around a pack a day (two at some point), which she reduced to half a pack or only 7-8 cigarettes because I kept insisting on it. She says she smokes in the balcony to not get the smell inside the house because I kept complaning about it. I sometimes go to parties and I’m used to the smell of smoke there but I feel like going to a party for a few hours and always having the smoke in my house is completely different. I don’t even feel like passing by her or sitting next to her because of the smell of smoke. I don’t even have a sensitive nose normally and it feels a bit extreme. Am I overexaggerating? Is this a normal amount of smoking? Some of my friends who smoke also seem to find it to be too much, and my clothes tend to have this smell of smoke on them as well to the point it’s noticeable.
INFO
Whose house is it?
Yeah, this.
If it’s your Mum’s house, then:
1.) deal with it, or
2.) move out
Move out if someone smoking on the patio is going to annoy you this much
She’s not smoking on the patio though. It’s within the house and half a pack a day. Wind flows directly to my room as well.
NTA
Smoking is inherently an AH behavior, because it is next to impossible to smoke in a way that only impacts the smoker.
Your mom’s smoking is directly impacting you in a negative ways.
NTA but I think you should start saving up to find your own place.
Smoking is gross, the smell is gross, and no amount of air freshener or strong fabric softener scent can mask it. You deserve to live in a place that is healthy and clean.
Housing prices are absurd here but I will move out as soon as I get my pilot’s license.
More info needed. Is it her house? What is your end game here? You’re not going to make her stop smoking. People who smoke know it’s bad for them and its extremely hard to stop. She’s doing it outside. What more do you want her to do when she smokes. Because again making her stop isn’t a realistic option.
Former smoker here. There is no such thing as a normal amount of smoking. Smoking is an addiction and a habit one picks up, and quitting can be one of the hardest things a person ever does. I’m at almost two years after a decade of failed quitting attempts, and I smoked for 22 years.
It’s okay not to like the smell, but to a certain point, complaining isn’t going to do anything, other than potentially make her nicotine brain resent your complaining. She’s moved outside, she’s cut back. I was never more of an AH to others than when they told me they didn’t like the smell. Tough, I’d say, go stand somewhere else because I’m outside and I don’t know what you expect me to do, and smoke on. You’re NTA, but you need to understand the nicotine addiction cycle and that just walking away from smoking is nearly impossible for many of us.
NTA. My mom was a heavy smoker most of my life; she made multiple attempts to quit but wasn’t successful until after the COPD diagnosis, by which time it didn’t matter.
I genuinely hope that isn’t how your mom’s story ends, cause let me tell you, it sucks.
smoker for 18 years. I quit cigarettes 2 months ago (vaping isn’t much better, but it is progress, and I’m hitting it less and less. Small victories), and 2 packs a day is a LOT. Even at my most stressed out, a pack at most but 2? Jesus, she sounds like my stepfather. NTA, smoking is gross, unhealthy, stinky, and just straight up bad all around. Imo stay on her neck about it, I’m glad my bf and bestie stayed on mine
NTA Smokers don’t seem to understand – it doesn’t matter if you smoke “outside” – the odor of cigarette smoke is on their skin, hair clothes, breath, and it goes with them everywhere they go.
Of course, it would be much worse if the smoking was happening indoors, but the odor is always around them, and then left behind in places they sit and things they touch.
The # of cigarettes smoked is, first, an issue of the smoker’s health. For the non-smokers around them, it just perpetuates the cigarette smell that’s brought back indoors each time they exit and re-enter after smoking.
NTA- Smoke lingers, and clings to everything, and it is really hard to not have it take over if someone you live with smokes regularly. If the smell bothers you, it’s really hard to enjoy your space no matter what they’re smoking. It’s hard to clean/cover up.
I used to have two roommates who smoked; first weed, which they had to leave the property to smoke (they usually smoked in their car which effectively ruined it honestly) and then picked up cigarettes. It was one of the main reasons why I moved out. I swear even the dryer smelled like a weed/cig combo and that if I left my clothes in it too long after the cycle ended, they would smell.
Idk if you guys are renting or not but if you are, I’m kind of surprised your mom is allowed to smoke on the balcony, since most places follow a rule stating you cannot smoke unless 10ft away from the building as to not disturb other residents. I’d suggest trying to move out if possible (unless it’s your house/your lease and not your mother’s, which would open up a whole other can of worms). If you do rent, and are unable to move at this time, perhaps you could check the lease and see if they have any language on smoking. I’m not saying you should be a narc, but if they do prohibit smoking on balcony spaces, maybe you could politely inform your mom and ask that she smoke farther from the building.
I know when the smokers come in from the cold the smell seems stronger.