Cassandra (25 f) and me (26 f) know eachother for about a year and a half. Emily (25 f) met Cassandra at my birthday and became friends.
A few weeks ago Cassandra got tickets for a local band, that are giving lots of concerts.
This morning. Emily sent to the group chat that the three of us have another concert from the same band and asked if we wanted to go. I didn’t check my phone for about half an.hour. Cassandra responded that we were going to see them but not that date.
Emily said she felt offended for not being invited.
Some context: Emily and I had been best friends since we were 6. We felt like chosen family. Earlier this year Cassandra, Emily and I met a new group of people, to which my friends became close to. I didn’t feel as close to them, partly because I was focused on taking exams and didn’t have much free time but I still attended some gatherings.
Emily eventually made a group chat with all of them and left me out. I felt hurt by this and expressed it to Emily. I tried to have conversations about this and asked if I made her feel uncomfortable, and told her that if she didn’t want me there I wanted to know. She never tried to include me. I stopped showing up. Then she admitted she wanted that group to be hers. This Is reasonable, relationships change and there’s nothing wrong with needing space, but it still hurts. I got angry because she didn’t communicate it sooner.
The main problem with this group was that there was a girl (30 f) Emily liked, but said she liked me AND that made her jealous. I told her I really didn’t feel pursued by her. I didn’t follow her on any social media and the few times we talked I talked about Emily. She accused me of gaslighting her for saying I didn’t feel this girl liked me.
We got some distance. It was heartbreaking. After some time apart we had coffee and later that month she came home for dinner. We had plans to grab coffee again this wednesday.
Fast forward to this morning, this happened and I texted her via private message saying that it wasn’t that big of a deal, that she shouldn’t feel offended (this is where I might be an asshole). I also told her that I don’t see a problem with me making plans without her, knowing she makes plans with her new friends and with Cassandra without me.
Emily said that both Cassandra and I are AH. I said I hope she can get over it. She then told me that I am resentful of her having friends and that trying to be my friend is useless, ‘cause we don’t have anything in common, that getting together is boring and that she doesn’t have time to deal with. I told her she was being mean and that if she really didn’t want to be my friend anymore there were less hurtful ways to express it. She then told me she doesn’t want to be my friend since I’m cruel and want to make her suffer, everytime she talks to me she feels like shit.
I empathize with her, but I feel she is being unjust.
AITA? I’ll be reading you.
Rules for thee but not for me, she wants to have her cake and eat it too, and so on and so forth. No need to empathize with her. She’s being hypocritical and that’s not a quality you need in a friend. NTA
NTA. Emily didn’t care when you were hurt when you explained it. She said that she wants separate friend groups, so she can’t expect to be automatically invited to things if she doesn’t extend invitations your way. Yes, you hurt her, but I don’t think it’s not warranted. Just leave it be, if she wants to reconnect in future then she knows where you are. Just make sure Cassandra doesn’t get pulled into any drama.
Cassandra got the tickets not you, she only bought two tickets, so it’s not your fault that Emily can’t come with you. Since all three of you are friends, Cassandra should know that Emily is also a fan of the band, so not buying enough tickets for all of you sounds deliberate on her part. Even if it wasn’t deliberate, it’s Cassandra’s job to smooth things over with Emily.
ESH, you all sound like you’re all 16, not 26, and in the cast of Mean Girls
Yeah, I get that, also reading the post I feel like in a fight with a sibling, wich is quite a quicksand feeling, like sinking into old habits and childish, but still can’t stop the fight.
Posts like this prove that “women mature faster than men” is a friggin myth.
Maybe, but aita?