When I was a child my father ( Jim ) fucked off. My parents were married and they really shouldn’t have ever been. It was not a good relationship and when I was 10 he fucked off. I am the second oldest out of 5.
He was not a present parent and we all basically grew ip without him. During this time my mom would hate on him constantly ( some valid reason, a lot was made up shit). My mother is a bit of a difficult women to get along with so as a grew my relationship with her isn’t the best
Jim reached out to everyone when I was a freshman in college and I am the only one that gave him a chance. This upset my mom and siblings greatly and we basically ignore the topic.
Jim has been a huge support to me for many years at this point. I have moved on and forgiven him for leaving. The past few years Jim has been coming up to spend Christmas at my place. He usually shows up Christmas Eve and stays until the weekend. I still go to mom’s place for dinner on Christmas Day.
This year she was behind on the house and had to sell. We were still going to do it at her apartment but a pipes burst in the apartment complex.
My mom texting me asking me to have it at my place because I own a house. That not a big deal.
I informed them that Jim is staying at my house. They were not happy and it boiled down to I need to uninvited him. My siblings made it clear that they will not come and my mom called me a betrayer when I told her no.
They are claiming I am ruining Christmas and that they won’t have a place to celebrate if it don’t host. (my younger siblings don’t have their own place and my oldest is a few states awa)
NTAH, you are an adult, you have your own home where Jim is staying, your family has no power of authority to tell you what to do in this situation.
Although I can certainly understand their anger regarding your father, it’s your home. People are allowed to invite exactly who they want in their own home. I say stand your ground. You’ve done nothing wrong and they can decide to either join you or not. I’d start your own tradition in your home and everyone is invited. They can show up or not.
You all can do dinner at a restaurant.
It’s your home. They have to respect any visitor you have
NAH.
You don’t get to ask someone else to host and get veto power over who they invite.
NTA.
Your mother and sibs no longer have a say as to your behavior. You are in control of whom you do or do not invite over or host in your house. Your family, if also invited, are welcome to accept your invitation or decline. Whichever they do is on them.
Live your best life and have a happy holiday.
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The kids are all grown and have their own places. Only the mom lost her house and had pipes burst.
Family dynamics are messy kinda but it’s your house, your rules. It’s not your job to make them happy at the expense of your own peace.
NTA. It’s your house, they don’t get to control who stays there. If they really care about spending Christmas with you, they won’t mind if you celebrate at a restaurant/elsewhere.
The fact that they’re THIS pressed about it shows it’s a deeper-rooted issue. They feel betrayed that you’re choosing someone who left, over them.
NTA- You are an adult and can choose to have whoever you want in your house. If your mom and siblings don’t want to see your dad, it is their choice to not go over. You didn’t ruin Christmas. It’s just the circumstances this year. Offer to get together afterwards.
NTA
They can either get over it and come to Christmas or they don’t.
They don’t get to control who is invited into your home, they just don’t
NAH. Abandoning your wife and 5 kids is something a lot of people would find unforgivable. Your mom and siblings aren’t assholes for feeling that way but they don’t get to make you feel the same. They also don’t get to dictate who you invite to your home.
When they accuse you of ruining Christmas, counter that their inability to set aside hate for a few hours will be what ruins the holiday. If your mom gets mean, point out that the location problem is because she lost her house and lives somewhere that takes weeks to fix a plumbing problem.
Compromise by finding a restaurant to have Christmas diner at.
NTA
Firstly, it is your private domicile so you shouldn’t be harassed about your decisions and preferences on what you want to do there.
Secondly, your relationship and choices with Jim have been your business while your family is allowed to have their opinions, they don’t own your home and cannot make demands to make you do something you don’t wish to do.
However, keep in mind that your family is allowed to feel uncomfortable because family relationships are complicated and their feelings are valid considering the situation so forcing them to just accept Jim in the same place as them is going to taint your relations irreversibly.
It’s better if you could separate and not force the two sides to reunite. Please think of a better alternative or perhaps scheduling both of them at different timings.
Meh, you can do what you want, but it’s kinda gross that a parent can choose to nope it out of their spouse and children’s lives for their entire childhood, and come back like the prodigal parent.
Your mom was left with 5 children to raise on her own. Can you even imagine the life she’s had for the past 10-whatever years? Idk if he’s paid whatever pittance the guidelines say.
I’m Team Mom and your other siblings. YTA