Quick note: I posted something similar on r/AmIOverreacting, but I didn’t explain it very well, so I’m reposting here.
I’m 25F, my husband is 26M, and we had our first baby in May 2025. I had a really hard pregnancy, was put on bed rest, and was out of work from February to August with no pay. Because of that, I try not to miss work unless I absolutely have to.
My son also had a rough start. He had trouble eating and almost came home on a feeding tube. He’s doing fine now, but because of that we’re cautious. I make most of his baby food and don’t give him sugar or caffeine. He’s 7 months old and our pediatrician said to wait until at least a year.
Outside of me and my husband, he’s only watched by a trusted family friend who babysits him with two other kids. My sister has babysat him four times total, mostly to help with work or doctor’s appointments.
My sister (36F) is a paramedic, has no kids, and is struggling with infertility.
One night, she was supposed to take my baby to my mom’s house after work. When I got off work around 9 p.m., I called my mom to check on my (then) 6-month-old and found out he wasn’t there. My sister had taken him out to eat over an hour and a half away, out of state, without telling me. That really bothered me and my husband, but we didn’t say anything at the time.
Later, my sister admitted she gave my baby ice cream, whipped cream, and sweet tea, and let him drink sweet tea from her straw. I was uncomfortable with the sugar, caffeine, and germs, but it was Thanksgiving dinner so I didn’t make a scene. When I asked if she was joking, she laughed and said no and that he liked it.
Later that same day, she tried again to give him sweet tea. I told her not to, but she did it anyway. When I reached for the cup, she turned away and gave him a sip. I walked away because I was upset.
At another point, my husband tried to take our baby from her so she could get food. She didn’t want to give him up and held onto him tighter at first. My husband stayed calm but didn’t let go until she handed him back. We didn’t argue, but it made us really uncomfortable.
My family says I’m just being an overprotective first-time mom and that “a taste won’t hurt,” because that’s how they did things growing up. I’ve also tried to be considerate of my sister’s infertility and didn’t want to push her away.
That said, I don’t feel like I can trust her to respect our rules when we’re not around. I’ve decided I don’t want my mom or sister watching my son unless either me or my husband is there, and I haven’t let her keep him since.
AITA for setting that boundary?
NTA
Your sister is ignoring your request and endangering your kid’s health. This seems extremely manipulative and frankly sinister when she’s also literally taking the kid out of state without your knowledge.
She is not trustworthy to be alone with him.
NTA. If they can’t follow your rules, they don’t deserve to watch your baby. And giving sugar to a baby that young is just ridiculous.
NTA what the *hell*. In no way would I let sister touch that child again because she *drove hours away without telling you and gave him super unhealthy foods*. Like….girl. “This is my baby, these are my rules.” They are not unreasonable rules to any normal person.
“That said, I don’t feel like I can trust her to respect our rules when we’re not around.” Did you read your own post? You can’t trust her to respect your rules when you *are* around! NTA at all and I would absolutely never let her around the kid alone again – she will 100% tell them you are wrong, enable any misbehavior and undermine your authority on any occasion she doesn’t share your opinion. That kind of help isnt helping.
NTA
Even if your child didn’t have those issues at birth, all of that is inappropriate at the times your sister was giving it to him. Not only that, but she is seriously overstepping her role as AUNT- not mother.
NTA. She took your baby out of state without telling you, fed him stuff you clearly said no to, and ignored you in real time. That’s not being chill aunt energy, that’s breaking trust. Boundaries aren’t punishment, they’re basic parenting.
I wouldnt even dream of taking my neighbors daughter (she is 8 now and my daughter is 7 and they hang out all the time at my house and at their house) to McDonalds 2 minutes down the road without letting her parents know. Taking a BABY OUT OF STATE for dinner. IDC WHERE THE STATE LINE IS. ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE. I would have lost my damn mind and they would have found out who they were dealing with very quickly.
NTA!
I definitely would not allow her to be alone with the baby again. And I would heavily reconsider letting anyone from your family watch the baby on the likely chance that they would give her access to him behind your back.
Babies do not need sugar or caffeine (what child needs caffeine?!?!).
But regardless, you have some simple, clear cut rules for him and she won’t abide. And your family doesn’t seem trustworthy either.
The bit about her clutching at the baby is what really put me over the edge, though. You need to put some distance between yourselves and your sister for sure.
You are NTA for having rules for your baby and for not wanting your sister or Mom to watch him.
BUT… you keep listing things that your sister has done can you never said anything to her about them. I mean she was definitely in the wrong. She should have taken the baby to your mom’s when she was supposed to and not out of state and she definitely should not have said him. But you have to speak up and stand up for your kid and let everyone know that you are not okay with it.
And yes, it’s sad that she’s struggling with infertility, but that doesn’t mean that she gets to do whatever she wants with your baby. They are going to realize after a while that you’re not letting them babysit anymore and you’re not letting them be alone with a kid anymore and they are not going to understand why because you haven’t called them on their nonsense
That baby can’t talk so he needs you to talk for him no matter how uncomfortable it might be.
NTA. Like hell, taking your baby out of state without telling you, ignoring your rules **multiple times** and physically resisting giving him back is a massive trust violation. This isn’t “first-time mom anxiety”. It’s basic consent and safety. Boundaries exist because she proved she won’t respect them. Take care of your baby.
NTA, but you need to grow a stronger spine. Don’t let people feed your kid stuff the doctor said to avoid because you “don’t want to make a scene”. You don’t even need to make a scene. You can pretend to be on your sister’s “side” or whatever by saying it like “oh no it really sucks but we can’t let him have XYZ, the doctor said we have to wait.” Guess what, if your sister makes a scene, SHE is the one who made a scene.
Your child came home barely avoiding a feeding tube and you just sat by and let your sister feed him junk. You literally turned around and walked away from your sister feeding your kid sugar.
Like no offense but once you marry and have a child, the spouse and the child are your immediate family. Everyone else is demoted to extended family. Spend your energy on supporting and protecting the people who are central to your life.
If they don’t follow your rules when you are literally right there, because you don’t enforce them at all, why would they bother if you aren’t around?
NTA. Who gives a baby sugar and caffeine in the first place? And then keeps doing it after being told not to? And drives that far away without your knowledge? I would have let my sister know if I was taking her child out of the house, even if it was close. This is weird as hell.
ESH. You didn’t “want to cause a scene” when your baby was on a feeding tube in the hospital for months and your doctor gave strict instructions on his diet??? This is EXACTLY when to put your foot down. I don’t care if your sister is infertile or the whole family is telling you you’re overreacting. Your child cannot advocate for himself, and both you and your husband seemingly refuse to in order to keep the peace. I’d suggest you BOTH start growing a backbone before something happens to your child’s health that cannot be undone.
Exactly this. It reads as though keeping the peace was more important than your child’s health.