**I’m using a throwaway, because I’m paranoid someone on my ex’s side of the family may see this.**
About a week ago, my (34M) daughter (14F) came to me and told me she got a call “from a random lady” who claimed to be her mother.
I know it’s a shitty thing to do, but her whole life, I’d just told her that her mother had passed. It was easier than the truth, because she was too young and I didn’t want to involve her in that world (her mother left her in my care because she wanted “to be free”. I’m sure you can guess what I’m getting at.)
Since scam calls and voice phishing is so prominent nowadays, I figured it was probably that. Mostly because my ex never reached out after dropping my daughter off with me and my parents at the time. I worked seriously hard to provide for her and pay for a great education too. It’s not like we’re tight on money or anything, but I definitely came a long way.
I decided to call a few friends we had in common and eventually I was able to get her number, so I sent a few messages to her about the incident to double check and see if it was a scam or not. When she texted back that it was her, I just felt horrible. She told me she’d turned her life around and was married to some standup guy and wanted to see my daughter.
Note, I’m 4 years into an incredible marriage to a beautiful woman, and my daughter loves her too.
I just told my ex no, because my daughter wasn’t her daughter anymore. I’m the one who raised her. She was only months old when she was dropped off with me. So I said there was no way she was going to see her, and that she was crazy to even think it was okay after she abandoned her like that.
I haven’t told my daughter about it yet, which is why I feel really gutted. My daughter thinks it’s a scam because of what I’ve told her this entire time. My ex is now threatening to drag this into court. I do have connections here and there to lawyers that might help, but I don’t really care about the money right now. I just can’t stand the idea of my ex even being in the same room as my daughter. I can’t even stress enough that my wife, whom I’ve known for 7 years, has known my daughter for longer than my ex has.
Note also, my ex has her own family currently. She’s married *and* has kids. I don’t see the need to meddle in my family which she abandoned because she wanted to get hopped up on stuff. Her sister reached out to me and let me have it. Her family has been contacting me nonstop. Even my wife told me to just let my ex see my daughter once to let it all blow over. AITA for saying no?
Notes I forgot to add: I have absolutely no idea how my ex got my daughter’s number. I keep pretty close tabs on my daughter. Also, it wasn’t just abandonment. My ex left my daughter for substances. I don’t see how I can tell my daughter something like that without crushing her.