I (16f) live with my mother(34f) and stepdad (35m) who I see more as a dad than anything else. I’ve never had a good relationship with my mother and have recently been resentful of my stepdad for letting her do the things she did when I was younger and even now recently. For Christmas a couple of years ago my stepdad’s mother, my grandma, brought me my very own big boy sewing machine, I’d had one before but it was for learners and more of a kids’ sewing machine. My new sewing machine was big and heavy and fancy with all kinds of settings. Eventually, I had taken it out of the box and started to set it up, but I wasn’t quite sure how to use it and was scared of breaking it so I set it aside for now, but that was about a year or so ago. My mother, just recently
got a job at Hobby Lobby, and all of a sudden out of nowhere gained an interest in sewing, I’d been making stuffed animals by hand and she decided she wanted to make a quilt. With my sewing machine, without asking me, but she asked my step-dad and they decided it would be fine. without asking me. sk one night my mother brings me up bringing my swing matinee downstairs and setting it up again down there. I said no and made the excuse that I didn’t have all the parts. I don’t want her to have it because not even the money I make from my own job I’m allowed to keep and this was a special gift from my grandma a woman who loves me, more than my mother. Also, my mother has a chihuahua that she doesn’t take care of that lives downstairs, and she’s also a chronic bedrotter but in our living room. I’m not just looking for opinions from like-minded people or sympathy, keep in mind this is one side of the story and I would appreciate opinions from adults and mothers so I can have a full idea and consideration on whether I am being selfish and should just let my mother use my sewing machine or stand my ground.AMITA for not wanting something that’s mine and big and fancy being taken from me without asking me and put down where it might get broken even though I’m a teenager?
Nta. If you need to, get the grandmother that gave it to you involved
I love my grandma very much and she’s a very carefree loving hippie-like woman (her words) she’s very anti-conflict and I’m sure bringing her into this would make my mother more and at me and most likely result in trouble for me. She’s currently helping my mother pick out more fabric for said quilt, and thank you so much 💗
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Are you her mom? Read again, not even allowed to keep her own money.
My parents do withhold things from me, there doesn’t even have to be just one of them, if they want it they’ll keep it. I also brought up the mistreatment of our dog because there have been multiple times I’ve come home from school or my sister’s house to find dog shit and piss all over the floor and clothes and miscellaneous objects I don’t want my nice sweing machine to get ruined and same thing with the betrotting, often she’s bought or borrowed many things for her projects and stopped not even halfway though letting things rot or get messy. Thank you for you feedback I appreciate your opinion and take your words into consideration 💗
NTA this is not something your mom or step dad bought you,so why would they have any particular right to the machine?
Parents are allowed to have toy collections and special stuff their kids can’t play with. Even if it’s actually family heirlooms, they are allowed to have reasons.
Regardless of your mama, being good to you or not, she still should have asked permission, because that’s how you ask someone to share something that you would like to use or borrow or have.
Most countries tend to have *some* kind of laws around people who are transitioning into adults. In the u s a , you can drive a car even if you can’t drink or vote, at 16, and 18 you can vote but not use mind altering substances like alcohol.
Even if you were 13 and had no independent rights, you still deserve a modicum of ownership and privacy, if that is something that the culture expects adults to have. Children who are allowed to have things that are their own, given reasonable privacy, and interests outside of their parent’s scope tend to be healthier and more able to handle responsibilities when they do hit adulthood.
Your mom SHOULD have asked, even if there was nonreason to think you would say she could use your sewing machine!
Definitely them not asking me is what upset me the most, that’s why I tried to emphasize it, they often make decisions that would affect me without me even though they repeatedly call me an adult and exprct me to make adult decisions and do adult things yet refuse to help me with things that would only affect me. Thank you for your feedback I appreciate it 💗
Yes YTA. Why are you feeling so possessive over something you admit you don’t use at all, with your mother who is absolutely trying to use it? Why don’t you let her use it AND learn with her ?
NTA … but … you state you don’t know how to use it/afraid to use it. Why not ask your mom to show you how to use it, how to sew a quilt, work together on the quilt?
You apparently have a lot of disdain for your mother (likely deserved), but sometimes, life gives us opportunities to create a good moment, an opportunity to connect.
This might be one of those moments.
NTA but your reasons are a little weird. I don’t let other people use my sewing machine because once you get the tension right, you never touch it again and I don’t trust casual sewing machine users to respect that. I can’t stress this enough- NEVER TOUCH THE TENSION ONCE YOU HAVE IT RIGHT.
Also assuming it’s a high quality machine, they are pretty hard to break and when they do, they are easy to fix. Watch some YouTube videos then sit down and play with it. Sewing is an awesome hobby, use your machine!
I definitely need to do that now, Thank you so much for your feedback 💗
Maybe your mom can show you how to use it. Not such a bad way of spending some time with her.
missing info: why can’t you keep the money you make from your job??