I graduated college recently (Bachelors) and my gf of 7 months wanted to be there (obviously). But she wanted her brother to come along too bc she “gets nervous easily”. Now I don’t have a problem with her brother but since it’s my graduation. I wanted it to be mainly family. When she asked I told her no, that I don’t mind coming and picking her up but I didn’t want her brother to come with us. Then she comes back with her parents say she can only go if her brother comes too (she’s 20 and her brother is 17) and I really don’t have a problem with him. He gets on my nerves sometimes like most 17 year olds but I insisted on it just being my family and her. Well I was given the ultimatum, both of them or none of them and I told her I thought it was best if I just went alone. When I texted her again we discussed it and it surprised both her and her parents. We ultimately broke up over this. Over a day that I that I had worked 4 long hard years for. Is this an unreasonable ask?
NTA, if she can’t handle going on her own then she has bigger problems in life.
NTA. You worked hard to graduate and deserve to have the people you want there. As for your relationship if you think breaking up was the move, keep it. If you feel differently talk it out it’s better to try than regret losing it.
NTA at all. She is 20 years old, she should be able to sit in a crowd and chat with your family for a few hours without an emotional crutch. You were right to set the demand to come alone and though you might not feel like it in the moment, breaking up was the right thing. Good on you for standing your ground.
She hasn’t even made an attempt to get to know my parents. She’s met them and knows them but hasn’t really made an attempt and continuing that relationship with them. Most of our dates we have at least one of her siblings there and I haven’t complained once but I make this one request….
Oh man, she brings her siblings to your dates?? Yeah big ass red flag there, not to mention awkward and uncomfortable as hell.
Oh no. You dodged a bullet there. She is not a functioning adult.
NTA
It sounds like there are some control issues between her and her parents. What’s the 17yo supposed to do? Chaperone 2 adults, lmao.
NTA. She’s been an adult for two years and the kid’s barely about to touch some type of adult hood and she’s using him as moral/emotional support? She has bigger issues to deal with. It’s also disrespectful to you that she nor her parents could respect your wishes on your special day. You dodged a bullet there OP.
NTA – going purely off the details you gave, I don’t think you’re the asshole. It’s not like she would have been left alone as she would have had your family there too
NTA
That’s just weird. It was a hill they chose to die on.
Respect for standing your ground. That’s a huge day and you worked hard to get there. It’s reasonable to want to enjoy the moment you’ve been working toward for 4 years without worrying about someone that annoys you that didn’t need to be there. Move on to the next chapter.
Congratulations on your huge achievement!!
NTA
You just won the lotto, pal. Cause you don’t need that kind of nonsense in your life. You had one of two things happening here. Either she was lying to you by saying her parents wouldn’t let her go unless her brother went or her parents are still controlling their adult daughter. Either way, you don’t need that bullshit in your life. Not to mention the sheer audacity to think that after half a year you can dictate who is and isn’t attending someone’s college graduation. Most people will agree that college graduations should be for family, not your girlfriends little brother.
NTA. Many graduations limit the number of guests each graduate is allowed to have there depending on the number of graduates and the venue being used. You didn’t mention that being the case here, but it still shouldn’t be a big deal for you to limit the number of people you are inviting. And it’s good that you broke up, because if her parents are getting involved in your adult relationship and she/they are handing out ultimatums about something like this, I would imagine that behavior would continue to happen. So it’s good you got out now.
NTA. A 20 year old requiring her parent’s permission is bizarre. She’s either lying about that or been emotionally manipulated by them. Either way she has a lot of growing up to do before she is ready to be in a relationship.
I would send her some resources about enmeshment and anything else relevant to her relationship with her family and move on.
NTA. That’s weird that she can’t sit with your parents for a few hours without her younger brother holding her hand. I think you’ve dodged a bullet.
Also, congratulations on your degree 👏